AIBU to swear on a forum only adults frequent?

[GayByrne]

So I am a member of a facebook group for surrogates (I am currently 34 weeks with my friends' baby). Sometimes there are swear words used on there. There isn't any warning to refrain from swearing in order to join the group.

Anyway, I was admonishing (very gently!) one of the admins the other night over him giving incorrect legal advice which is potentially dangerous bearing in mind how much of a minefield surrogacy laws are. I am a solicitor and have recently completely brushed up on this area of the law (uber specialist!!).

The admin came back and said that he was cross that I insinuated he gave poor advice (I didn't insinuate, I told him he was) and could I not use bad language on the forum.

Someone had said to me that they were glad Id spoken up as they see a lot of confusion and a lot of people who are new to this world giving poor advice freely as if it were fact. They said they never wanted to speak up for fear of offending people. I said fuck offending people, we're all adults. The right advice has to be given or sought. I cannot sit by and watch poor and dangerous advice being doled out.

So, that's what I said.

He told me off I believe in reply to me 'telling him off'! I told him that I was 35 years old, a mother of three and I will swear if I feel like it on an adult only forum.

But my overall question is, is swearing so very bad on an adult forum?

I have never written a swear word on the internet. It can be perceived as very aggressive by a recipient because words on a screen have no nuance - they all look the same.

No, I replied to someone who was in agreement with me. She had said that she never spoke up for fear of offending people and I said "fuck offending people. This is too important to let poor advice be told as fact".

I've never, as far as I remember, sworn at someone online. In my non-mnetting online activities I actually stick to the MN-code as it were. No personal attacks etc.

As a committed lover of all things sweary whose first word most days is 'Fuck' I can only agree with you.

I'd say it wasn't bad to swear on adult forums but have always found it intriguing that Mumsnet appears to be almost unique in allowing swearing in posts.

I have dabbled in several other forums and none of them allow swearing and often automagically censor swearwords to the extent that you wouldn't even be able to state your home town as Scunthorpe or Twatt, Orkney for example.

I even had a post removed from one forum for using a disguised mild swear - horse$h!t .

I have to be careful when posting on other forums so that I accidentally don't use 'Mumsnet language' and include the odd fuck and shit.

Yes, you see I am a massive swearer. I grew up in a very male dominated environment (stud/racing yard in Ireland) where my older cousins had great delight in teaching me swears!! My nanny, when we moved to England, still cracks up about me swearing at a Barbie hairdryer when she'd turn it off!!

Anyway, what I'm saying is, swearing is no biggie to me so I may be biased here!

He was pissed off that you corrected him. If you'd have said.. Fuck this bloke knows what he's on about.... He wouldn't have told you off.

Fuck no! Go for it!
I doubt this is news but it sounds like this guy is massively bent out of shape at being called out giving the wrong advice and is looking for a way to punish you.
I read another thread you're on. You're doing an amazing thing for your friend.

So no YWNBU

Some people have a problem with swearing and some don't. For the record, I personally don't mind it at all.

But do you think there's a chance you came across as a bit patronising, and he's just picking on the swearing rather than the real 'issue'?

Or maybe the admin just really don't like people swearing. I don't know.

Yanbu.

I can't stand people who object to swearing on an adults only forum. No one is going to hear it ffs!!

Thanks fast - the last few weeks are flying by!! (Thank fuck!).

I am wondering how exactly you said he was giving bad advice and if it was done diplomatically. People who admin these kinds of groups do it free, and it's a pretty thankless task. Although you were right to correct bad advice 'fuck offending people' (when he was the one who was offended) was tantamount to telling him to fuck off, and I'm not surprised he was offended. If you're taking the time and making the effort to run one of these groups and someone aims a barb like that at you, it's going to piss you off.

I really, really tried not to be patronising. I don't want to be that dickhead.

I believe I succeeded and wasn't patronising...in this case...

If swearing was a big issue then they would have a swear filter surely. However I would definitely say that your post would have had more sway without the unnecessary swearing and I would expect a solicitor to be able to construct a good response in this context without it. Personally, I find it hard to take people seriously when they swear.

Kanye put it better than me, but that's what I meant.

Exactly Kanye. I really appreciate him modding the group so wanted to be gentle but firm. It really is a big deal and people in the surrogacy world tend to jump in feet first, it's a bonkers world, honestly.

Good luck with everything though. It's a lovely thing you're doing.

Oh no. I love swearing. Really, really love it.

I don't believe it takes away from my eloquence and obviously I've never swore in court or in front of a client. Until I had a woman in whose husband had been gas lighting her for years, along with a ton of other shit and I let slip in that client meeting "what a bastard" and she cried that someone, professional, outside of her circle, saw it.

I'm pretty fucking good at my job...(well, I was!!).

See the thing is as well, there are too many experts on the internet sometimes, so people are bound to clash, especially in a group.

You say I am a solicitor and have recently completely brushed up on this area of the law (uber specialist!!)

But you could be a lollipop lady from Stoke for all anyone really knows

What's a man doing modding a surrogacy group anyway?
It sounds like he was lashing out at being called on his wrong information.

Why shouldn't they have a male admin?

Well Gay being a surrogate I assumed the forum was for other surrogates. The male admin can't carry someone else's child.