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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving People Lifts and Paying For Parking

46 replies

ElkeDagMeisje · 06/09/2015 09:47

Opinions on this please?

I gave someone a lift on a round trip of 50 miles yesterday. Had to pay for parking at the other end, it came to 7 Euros. The other person had paid for the ticket in advance, so when giving them the money for my ticket (15 Euros) I handed them over a 20 note, because I didn't hand me back any change. They handed me back a 2 Euro coin , saying that would cover my share of the parking.

It doesn't matter, its only a few euros. I was too polite to go into detail about costs. I didn't ask, nor was I offered, any money for the petrol in my car. I would probably have refused if I was, but it would have been nice if the other person had paid for the parking!

OP posts:

StarlingMurmuration · 06/09/2015 11:48

Yeah, I'm confused too - instead of giving you €5 in change, she gave you €2? So you missed Putin €3 change,plus you paid for petrol and parking?

StarlingMurmuration · 06/09/2015 11:49

*missed out on €3

DotaDay · 06/09/2015 12:10

The other person should have paid for the parking.

However, I think the OP is daft for not saying something. How hard would it been to have said something like 'Oh, can you get the parking as I did the driving'.

I don't understand why people are so reluctant to ask for money, all you needed to do was ask.

slithytove · 06/09/2015 13:11

Yes rude.

They should have given you a sum to cover fuel and wear and tear. Around £11 I believe. Only then should parking have been split.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 06/09/2015 13:20

OPs friend paid for tickets in advance and parking which was £7. Then gave her only £2 change when she came to pay for her ticket, in effect charging OP £3 towards the £7 parking fee, regardless of the fact that OP had driven and paid for the fuel.

very tight IMO!
friend should have paid the £7 parking on their own AND either offered to pay towards petrol OR treated the OP to a coffee/lunch or something as a thank you.

FuryFowler · 06/09/2015 13:23

I'm with emochild

If I'm going somewhere anyway and I ask if someone wants to come, then I don't expect them to pay. Although I wouldn't turn down an offer, and if I was the one receiving the lift then I would offer.
If I was jointly going somewhere with someone that we'd both arranged and I was driving I would expect a cut of the fuel if it was a particular distance. If it was just down the road then I wouldn't.

It also depends on whether your friend has form for this, as again, as emo says, it's swings and roundabouts when it comes to friends, money, favours.

Indantherene · 06/09/2015 14:23

I've had this at work. Usually if there is a meal outside the office the organiser finds out who is driving and then divides the non drivers into the cars. Several times now I've got stuck with people I don't know very well, who, once we've parked, jump out of the car and set off, ignoring any parking charges and not even bothering to wait for me.

(I will add I don't do it any more).

I think it doesn't matter whether you were going anyway, the least a passenger can do is pay for the parking. (or at least contribute something).

Original poster

ElkeDagMeisje · 06/09/2015 18:54

I didn't want or ask for petrol money.

The parking was paid for by meter on the street on arrival, cost 7 Euros. The other person paid for it. When I gave them my money for the ticket (15 Euros), I gave them a 20 notes, because I had no change and they gave me only 2 Euros back, saying it would cover my share of the parking!

Public transport would have been two train then bus, cost around 20 Euros.

If I had gone alone then obviously I would have driven there with an empty car, but I wouldn't have spent an extra 30 minutes driving into town!

Other person is a non-car owner. I'm honestly beginning to think some non-car owners think car owners provide some sort of free but compulsory service to them!

Oh why did I not have the nerve to say when I dropped them off at their door, "oh by the way, that will be 20 Euros for your share of the petrol and car maintenance costs"!

I can't be bothered though. Just won't be doing it again.

OP posts:

TracyBarlow · 06/09/2015 19:02

Now I'm really confused

But whatever the money situation, you should not have had to fork out for parking when you were the driver.

TheCatsMother99 · 06/09/2015 19:06

Cheeky mofo!

I'm sure her not having a car might have something to do with it, she just didn't think about the other costs other than just parking.

StarlingMurmuration · 06/09/2015 19:39

YANBU - non-drivers think cars run off fresh air and never need maintainence.

DotaDay · 06/09/2015 20:04

OP, you say you didn't want or ask for petrol money but also that you didn't want to pay for parking. Don't you think it would have been better to simply tell that to the person you gave a lift to rather than be irritated by it in silence?

DoJo · 06/09/2015 20:08

So you drove, paid for petrol, helped out your friend, and paid 5/7ths of the parking for the two of you? Sounds like a charming friend!

Catsize · 06/09/2015 20:14

Today, a friend drove me on a 50 mile round trip we both needed to make. I paid £4 for the toll road, bought her lunch and will probably buy her flowers. Your friend sounds very unusual!

ALemonyPea · 06/09/2015 20:18

Parking was £7, non driving person paid it. Op owed ND £15 for ticket, gave £20 and expected £5 change but ND gave her £2, keeping £3 to cover parking.

I think it's really cheeky of your friend op, but you really should have said before you agreed to it that you drive, she pays for parking.

Original poster

ElkeDagMeisje · 06/09/2015 20:21

but also that you didn't want to pay for parking.

I didn't say that DotaDay. I didn't even know there would be a charge for parking, but since the other person paid for it, I was a bit surprised to have it deducted from my change when I handed her over a 20 note for a 15 euro ticket!

Don't you think it would have been better to simply tell that to the person you gave a lift to rather than be irritated by it in silence?

Seriously, what kind of people do you know that have to be "told* to have good manners and consideration?

I don't actually care whether it would have been "simpler" or not - it was a social outing, not a carefully planned mission with costs. I would have expected basic good manners and friendship to have involved a sharing of costs. I did my part by not expecting to be paid for the petrol (although it would have been so nice for it to have been offered, although I would probably have refused and just said that the other person could have paid for parking and for drinks or something). But to have someone actually make a calculated decision to give me back less change because they deducted the costs of me parking my car, which I had provided them with the use of, free of charge, to get there, really is rude.

Its also not my job to educate other people in how to be good mannered, I'm not going to give myself the stress of doing that. The other person is already talking about doing a trip to Brussels, presumably in my car again, and I just said no. Again, I'm not going to stress myself by giving details. They're a blood adult, I have lots of good friends who do have basic manners and if they can't work it out, then they can stay lonely.

OP posts:

Original poster

ElkeDagMeisje · 06/09/2015 20:23

Isn't everyone told by their parents, or learns it somehow, that if you get a lift in someone's car, you offer to pay for the petrol?

Basic manners.

And then surely most reasonably intelligent human beings can work out that if they aren't paying for petrol, they might pay for something else so as to contribute their costs to the trip?

It wasn't a female friend, it was a male friend (with absolutely no romantic interest, certainly on my side).

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 06/09/2015 20:30

If you're going to be in Holland, you need to think like the Dutch. Ask for the petrol money. It's not rude, it's expected. If you don't, you're just being a mug

DotaDay · 06/09/2015 20:50

Elke
Seriously, what kind of people do you know that have to be "told* to have good manners and consideration?

Clearly the same type of person as you!

I get that it is your rude friend that is at fault but I still don't see why it was so difficult for you to ask you friend to pay for the parking. Why would you find it stressful when it's such a reasonable request? I wasn't suggesting that you should have started lecturing him on good manners or that you should start and argument with him.

Original poster

ElkeDagMeisje · 06/09/2015 20:58

No, Dota, it was the way you present it as normal and reasonable, when in fact it is very rude. Which is why I posted.

In case its not obvious to you, I don't like talking about money. Not particularly when I'm on a day out and trying to enjoy it. Not when its only 7 Euros. However, that doesn't mean I don't notice it.

I am Dutch Lynda, and its also rude here. Especially when combined with the taking of the change for a share of the parking!

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 06/09/2015 21:40

Yanbu at all, cheeky mare. That woukd be the last lift she had from me. I dint drive, I offer petrol money, I pay full parking for the driver.

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