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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be feeling like we need to move away NOW!

12 replies

Justapairofplimsolls · 05/09/2015 17:09

And the above is unreasonable. But let me explain.

My parents, in particular my father, were well educated and intelligent and worked in high earning jobs. Largely because of my mothers parents, we stayed in the town she had grown up in - a very poor town and area - and it suffered badly in the late 1980s and 1990s.

I understand the sociology of the area far better now, as an adult. But just the same, I hated it as a child and this was primarily due to being badly bullied at school. Mostly this was "just" verbal but it did sometimes become physical too. I was frightened all the time - of being hit but also of being humiliated, had dreadful anxiety and altogether I have pretty bad memories of my secondary school years.

Towards the end of year 10 my mum died; I didn't really go in much after that and my dad then paid for me to attend an independent sixth form. He then died and that was that. This is all some time ago as I'm now 33.

I never planned to go back but I met someone and lost my heart and now I'm back, not in the same town but the same area. And yesterday I am talking to someone who I knew from school and she passes comment on a little girl 'not wearing pink, what's her mum thinking!' on school girls 'asking' to be raped (short skirts) and on two little boys who were asking to be bullied as they didn't have gel in their hair or designer coats.

Am I just projecting? Because I'm newly pregnant (due April) and I just don't want my child exposed to small minds and pathetic attitudes and have the shit kicked out of him/her because their school bag offended someone or something pathetic like that?

OP posts:
WildStallions · 05/09/2015 17:11

YANBU!

Chippednailvarnish · 05/09/2015 17:14

I went back to my secondary school reunion and I got exactly the same vibe! Run, run away as fast as you can!

diddl · 05/09/2015 17:14

Is everyone there like that, or did you happen to meet one of the few with horrible views?

ollieplimsoles · 05/09/2015 17:22

We have done it!!

We were determined to get away from the shitty city we were both raised in as quickly as possible! People swearing loudly at their tiny children, gangs of men clutching cans and special brew and shouting and screaming at nine in the morning. Sooooo much fucking unemployment.

I realise I may sound snobby but I couldn't raise my kids there.

Trust your instincts and get out while you can.

Justapairofplimsolls · 05/09/2015 17:23

I'm positive not everyone's like that but it's certainly true that the overall gust or attitude is the same from when I was at school.

It saddens me and also frustrates me. I've seen through Facebook how miserable some of the bullies' lives are now and probably were then and I don't bear any ill will or malice towards any of them, but I grew up with a sense of displacement, of not belonging in my environment and i have come through it happily enough but I wouldn't wish it on my son or daughter.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 05/09/2015 17:26

Move to somewhere more cosmopolitan, it sounds stifling.

BrideOfWankenstein · 05/09/2015 17:29

YANBU. Move away.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 05/09/2015 17:35

You don't belong there. You never did. Move away quickly.

SunnyL · 05/09/2015 17:45

I grew up in an area that sounds like yours and a school life that sounded similar. I've ended up back in the area but crucially in a different, more kind of bohemian village. We have a little primary school which is lovely. I may have to take a serious decision once my kids get to high school age but for now we're very happy. Can you look at other towns, villages around you?

rembrandtsrockchick · 05/09/2015 18:09

Move away pronto. I left the place of my birth and upbringing nearly forty years ago. Wild horses would not drag me back there. On the occasional (very rare) visit I always feel huge relief that I no longer live in the area and do not have to deal with the racist, sexist, misogynist attitudes.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 05/09/2015 18:19

YANBU to want to move away if you don't like the area. YABVU to tar an entire area on the basis of one conversation then accuse other people of being small minded.

pandarific · 05/09/2015 18:23

Kanye, she knows the area and the attitudes of the area - she grew up there.

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