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AIBU?

children (35 years old) will not work or study

58 replies

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 16:26

My wife has a married daughter both her and her Chinese husband are 35 years old they don't study, work or in fact do anything useful, get up after mid day, play computer games and sponge off us, for last two and a half years. I have had enough, is that unreasonable.

OP posts:

Report

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 16:57

OK we are in France and the girl is paid unemployment but I don't know how long that is going on for. The boys unemployment was paid for some time but he can no longer claim.
The daughter was brought up in France with the mother. she left for China about 10 years ago.
I married the mother 2001 to that point the daughter was reasonably normal.
French law of house ownership is not the same as UK.

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 05/09/2015 17:06

Ok, so whose house is it?

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 17:10

I thought I could muster some interesting discussion on climate change but nobody wanted to discuss.

OP posts:

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 17:17

Owned 50% 50% by me and wife until we die.

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 05/09/2015 17:19

What does your wife think of the situation?

Londonmsi · 05/09/2015 17:27

If they just turned up out of the blue then highly unlikely to have anything other than a visitors/holiday visa. 2 1/2 years later that wouldv'e expired and they'll be illegal immigrants so unable to work. Even if here on a student visa they only last 3 years generally so almost up.

SilverBirchWithout · 05/09/2015 17:34

So you wife's daughter was "normal" when you first married her mother, she moved far away 3 years later and now has lots of confidence issues.

Have you ever considered why that might be?

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 18:55

she is 35 left home and married, shouldn't that be away from the nest?
and if your next question is do I feel responsible, the answer is no.
They didn't quite turn up out of the blue, the girl is French for a start the boy is married to her so yes he came over on a visa but here in France you can apply for a family card which he did and got it because he is married to a French. After that it was feet under the table.

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SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/09/2015 19:03

At 35, and assuming no SN of any kind, yes they should be/could be standing on their own two feet in every way.

What does your wife say about the situation? Is she happy for it to continue?

And they are a woman and a man. Not a girl and a boy (although they may be behaving like children).

apibeeman · 05/09/2015 19:48

Wife is worried for their future but at same time I think she is afraid of the daughter who has a bad temper and is on a short fuse.
No she does not want it to continue but cant see a way out.

OP posts:

EngTech · 05/09/2015 20:00

How to get them out?

Drastic but effective

Give them a reasonable deadline. On that date, start moving their stuff outside and then change locks

Tough love as they say

You have to make a decision, whose health / sanity is more important ? Yours or theirs?

CassieBearRawr · 05/09/2015 20:07

MN is brilliant entertainment at the moment.

OP slowly start moving out. A book here, a cushion there, some pots and pans, etc. if they're as oblivious as you say they'll never even notice.

SolidGoldBrass · 05/09/2015 20:27

If your wife doesn't want them to leave then it's tough shit. You don't get the casting vote.
You could always move out yourself, of course. Do you have a job?

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/09/2015 20:35

Op have you spoke to your wife about this? Have you told your wife they need to find jobs and move out? If it's 50% your house then no its isn't 'tough shit' like solid gold brass says. Op, what nationality are you?

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 05/09/2015 20:37

Sorry to not be more helpful, but my first reaction is, is this a joke? At 35 they're not children. They're only 5 years younger than me and I'm considering myself middle aged now.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2015 21:47

How to get them out? Change the locks. Get a serious hold on this and tell them to stop fucking people about.

apibeeman · 06/09/2015 10:10

I am retired with a good pension and a UK citizen. 72 years old and yes I could leave and return to UK and be comfortable, could be the way out.

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LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 06/09/2015 11:10

Leave with your wife perhaps, rather than without? You said she isn't happy with the situation either. Announce that to "the kids" and point out their age.

Afraid of the daughter? If she starts anything, call the gendarmes or whatever. Domestic violence or even just verbal abuse is not fun, but at least then it'sin the open. The only way out of that is to leave. Tell her to get help for her own problems from a safe distance.

apibeeman · 06/09/2015 11:17

I don't think she would come with me. She says she will not choose between me and the kids and besides she would not want to live in UK.

OP posts:

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 06/09/2015 19:47

No way to persuade her that this is a bad situation and leave with you perhaps to another area in France? Her lack of choice is itself a choice, and forces a hard one onto you. I am sorry.

Purplepoodle · 06/09/2015 19:52

Buy a new home in France. Something smaller that can't accommodate another couple

TenForward82 · 06/09/2015 20:33

Well, what have you tried? Have you tried saying "No"?

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Needinghelp1 · 06/09/2015 20:36

35?!?!?!

apibeeman · 07/09/2015 15:10

I have said no. and now I have told them to FO, and am prepared to get nasty, but guess what all they do now is ignore me.

OP posts:

Badders123 · 07/09/2015 15:22

Just leave.
It's your wife's choice to continue to be a doormat.
France is nice I hear.

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