To be livid and not know how to deal with this!

[passthewineasap]

I am a single mum to three teenagers and we live in a fairly small town.
DD 13 has MH difficulties and the last few years have been quite testing but things seemed to be settling down a little bit.

Over the summer DD has fallen out with three girls from her friendship group. It was the usual teenage crap of being frozen out, bitched about etc. So DD has ignored them throughout summer but their mothers have turned on us in a major way. I had weeks of the cold shoulder and dirty looks (felt a bit like I was back at bloody school). Now I have received phone calls from these three girls (they are quite a clique)parents as has DD being very OTT, going for DD in a major way saying she was "evil and vile" amongst other things. I attempted to get to the bottom of it all but all they'd say is that I didn't "have a clue" and what crap parenting to produce such a child but no actual answers. Anyhow I have heard and DD admits saying she didn't like the girls and thought they were bitches to another "friend" who showed these girls. Yes not ideal but is this not just a bit of a major over reaction?! Oh and DD put a status up that they thought was aimed at them and has decided so! Oh and because I hung up I am being blind to the truth but why would I listen to someone screaming abuse about a child. Some of their texts have had quite an aggressive tone to them.

I am bloody livid and don't know how to deal with this situation. I have blocked their numbers from mine and DD's phone but they are now spreading lies to others about us both . I am not being overly precious I know DD can at times be testing but I feel the way they have dealt with this they are coming across more as teenage bullies.

I don't think you can know how to react to this unless you can figure out what is happening. Sit your DD down and get her version of events first. Are all three other mothers screaming and incomprehensible on the phone? Could you not meet the calmest one for coffee and try to figure out what has happened? Is the school involved in any of this?

It sounds like something happened that you don't know about tbh. I agree you need to try and get the truth out if your dd, and from one of the other mothers.

The other girls' parents are phoning your DD and shouting abuse at her? That's appalling.

You need get to the bottom of this. Email or text whichever of the Mums you feel might be most receptive.

Hi X, I really need to get to the bottom of this. I simply don't know what's happened. I appreciate that you are very angry but I can't do anything until someone is able to talk to me about what's going on. Is it possible you could outline what the issue is, and I'll take action from there. Just to be clear, I'm not "playing dumb", I need information as I am in the dark about this. Thanks, passthewine

Its for two things DD called them bitches to another friend who showed them. This friend also showed DD the messages the 3 girls had sent about DD so quite a bit of stirring. Nothing direct has happened its all he said, he said that you said bollocks. So they said 1) she swears and DD put a status up that they decided was about them something along the lines of "your all pathetic". DD has showed me all her messages and they have not been in touch neither has DD. There are messages to another girl who has showed them and showed DD what's being said about her.

Whatevers happened I see as no excuse what so ever to spread utter lies about the most ridiculous things. Including that I'm an alcoholic which is news to me.

Would it be possible to contact the other parents and just say that it is clear that the friendship between the girls has broken down and that you think it is best that they all just stay out of each other's way, block each other on Facebook and stop adding fuel to the fire of this falling out. Someone needs to act like an adult in all this, and there doesn't seem to be anyone else prepared to step up and do so! I would also probably let the school know that this is happening - they will need to be aware of the fact that this has gone further than a short-term falling out, and possibly do what they can to keep the girls apart until this has all died down.

I would call mums and arrange them to bring girls over. Sit them down at the same table and ask them to explain one by one. Ask them questions about details with proof that it happened. One of them will break.
I think that girls have lied to their mums. Or your daughter is lying.

Maybe you should change your name to nowineformethanks.
That would show them you are not an alcoholic!

Sounds like a nightmare situation for both you and your daughter.

People who phone me up and scream abuse at me get reported to the police. No exceptions.

Hahaha didn't think of the username busted ;)

I have informed school who weren't surprised and are keeping an eye out! Yes one mum is kind of the ring leader and one of those "my angel would never" types so not much reasoning with her. DD just wants nothing to do with them and they have tried contacting DD a few times in last couple of days but DD's ignoring. Its all a bit playground ish for my liking. DD is very stubborn and has said she will "never be friends with them again" as they have lied about her. They seem to want to turn everyone on DD and I think a few friends have stuck by DD which seems to have peed them off.
The girls themselves have had no direct contact its all the others stirring it up, they seem to love a drama. DD is by no stretch of the imagination an angel but they are giving me no concrete things to work with just repeating she is "vile" and ranting and raving. I did ask calmly what had happened and just got the response "A 13 year old that swears you are clueless you really are".

Yes this mum really did call DD shrieking "Come and say it to our fucking faces who do you think you are" DD hung up and we blocked her number.

I second DoJo, that plan sounds best, it sounds like this friendship has irreparably broken down to be honest, your DD is best off away from all this drama.

This sounds like a huge mess. Where were you getting dirty looks/cold shoulders etc? They sound like they have massively over involved themselves in this situation.

The fact that they keep saying you "don't have a clue" instead of being adults and discussing the issues is very telling. If they're the kind of people you describe, they'll be thriving off the "we're right and they're wrong" keeping you in the dark thing. If you very calmly do what Dojo suggests, it will cut the fuel of the fire. Block numbers/facebook and all the rest. Tell them that DD has outgrown the friendship etc, they're behaving like hysterical children.

Sounds awful, sorry you're going through this.

I have had the misfortune to bump into them in the town we live in. DD does 100% not want to be their friend again but its the lies that are making things harder.

I have blocked them so hoping I won't hear much again and have advised DD to give it no air time as her phone is pinging away with "they said this about you they said that". I am trying to make her ignore but when goaded DD struggles to not react but so far ok. Think they just ignore each other at school etc think its just stirred up via social media. Some of them seem to love a big old drama but this is the first time I have been dragged into one. The "you don't have a clue" isn't very helpful as I can't deal with something they are being cloak and dagger about. DD insistent and showed me messages but who knows!

I assume they're making a fuss about something your DD put on social media? Have you seen what it was? I know DD has shown you messages but I'm not clear whether you've seen whatever started the fuss.

Yes I have seen the status I am on Facebook it just said something along the lines of "your all pathetic".