to be worried about my friend?

[ConcernedFriend15]

Nc'd for this so not to out myself. I'm becoming increasingly worried about my friend and dnt think she is looking after herself like she should! She barely eats or sleeps and looks more tired everytime I see her....she holds down a full time job working sometimes upto 60 hrs a week whilst her DH works 4 a week (his choice not hers ) she cares for her DF and helps out her DM who has health issues as well...she also has two dc who she makes sure go without nothing. Anyway the other day she finished her shift (nightshift) and proceeded to stay up all day until her children had went to bed,I spent most of the day with her even after saying she was better to go to bed but she stated she had too much to do. The whole day she had only coffee nothing to eat even though she cooked a full meal for everyone and when talking to mutual friends they have noticed the same that she barely sleeps and tends to survive on coffee ...she works in a stressful environment and I'm just worried she's making herself ill...everytime I try to bring it up she just shrugs it off and says Well it's got to be done. AIBU to be worried or should I try to get her to look after herself more...i just dnt know how to approach it in a way she'll listen

Sadly I don't think there is anything you can do until she is prepared to acknowledge that there is a problem. Just be there for her, and support her in any way you can (practical or moral support). She is lucky to have such a caring friend.

What does her husband do? Is he a SAHD? Jobseeking? How much he contributes physically and emotionally is a big factor here.

You can't really do anything. The husband should be picking up the slack so she feels able to take her foot of the gas.

Invite her to your house and send her to bed?

Where the hell was her DH while she was looking after the kids and really should be sleeping ?

I dont think there is much you can do apart from encouraging her to go to bed and gently making her see that her DH should be looking after the kids

Her DH is a SAHD at the moment again his choice he did work up until last year when his registration ran out and he never bothered to renew it(told her he had and it just hadn't been dealt with) she only found out when she checked it out herself so for 8months he didn't work and only recently started picking up the one shift....both dcs are at school so she gets home tidied up maybe has three four hours then is up to collect kids from school sort dinner etc he does basic tidying up from what I know and spends rest of the time on consoles or taking the dog for walks

Well, it seems obvious that he needs to step up and actually BE a SAHD and do the school run, dinners and tidying, so that she can have a full 8 hours asleep at least.

It kind of sounds like she has set up a situation where she believes (and allows him to also believe) that she is responsible for everything, when she just simply isn't. She needs to to make it crystal clear to her husband that if he stays at home being supported by her then that is 100% okay, and then he is responsible for both school runs and for running their home efficiently. If he can't do that then she needs to leave him or he needs to get into full time employment pronto so that they can hire in the help he refuses to provide. And then maybe leave him anyway.

How you can convey this to her diplomatically, I don't know.