Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about this fabrication?

55 replies

Shirleycantbe · 04/09/2015 11:23

I received this email from the Head of Music at my DDs primary school yesterday. So did at least one other mother.

"Hello!

I hope you had a lovely holiday!

'Shirley's DD' mentioned that she really wanted to do both choir and netball club but that the two clubs are on the same day. I just wanted to let you know that any children who want to do both clubs are going to be allowed to join the netball club on Wednesdays so that they are able to do both activities. Just let Miss X know if you would like to do this.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,"

It's a complete fabrication. Neither child wants to join the choir (in fact they are adamantly against since word of mouth is very negative about it), nor did they have any knowledge of a clash of school clubs since we never even discussed it. I asked my DD whether the teacher had even mentioned choir to her yesterday (first day back) and she said no.

I understand the teacher is trying to recruit - but AIBU to be annoyed that she's making up lies about my child (and others) in order to do so?

OP posts:
ChristineDePisan · 04/09/2015 19:27

I reckon she's just got the names mixed up - 90% of the time it really is cock up not conspiracy

partialderivative · 04/09/2015 19:45

Please do not put too much weight on what a primary child report back to a parent.

They may have been dead keen when the teacher spoke of it. Then an hour later have completely changed their mind and have forgotten all about it.

I would hold back on calling the teacher a liar, that is a serious allegation

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/09/2015 19:49

What would she gain by lying?

featherandblack · 04/09/2015 20:17

I would hold back on calling the OP's daughter a liar partial, that's a serious allegation.

Slammerkins · 04/09/2015 20:19

Oh give over, partial said no such thing.

Scarydinosaurs · 04/09/2015 20:22

Errrr Partial didn't say she was a liar

Seriouslyffs · 04/09/2015 20:38

^^ what AF said.
Give your head a wobble OP and stop looking for trouble.

QuartzUcan · 04/09/2015 21:06

How bizarre! I really can't fathom the issue/problem at all. A non- event in the whole scheme of things re- school.

Also agree with AF Grin (am a primary school teacher). Both mine are secondary now, so I don't think I have missed anything major changing in the shape of things there?

Perhaps just follow your children's wishes re extra curricular activities and ignore the rest?

Group emails / texts are common; you could perhaps ask to be unsubscribed from their list if it offends?

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/09/2015 21:23

Given what you've said, it sounds likely (though not certain) that the teacher is fabricating an interest on your child's part in order to try and encourage membership. And if that's what you think she's doing that will obviously have at least a little impact on your respect for her and your trust in the school generally. But it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. Framing it this way indicates a lack of respect for parents and for the child's autonomy, or a lack of attention to detail/ambition beyond capacity. I have been quite shocked at the appalling level of communication skills by the teachers at my children's school. From presenting homework in ways which will be hard for parents without a sound grasp of the subjects to enable their children, to providing new uniform policies after the start of term (on the basis that the teacher thinks it's "nice"), to completely misrepresenting parents responsibility to provide funding for in school activities. This one doesn't actually hurt your child or anyone else's, so just let it slide.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 04/09/2015 22:21

I don't think the teacher should have lied, lying is just wrong and makes her seem ridiculous. I also hate the automatically suggestion on MN that children have always misunderstood/are lying. News flash, some children tell the truth (unlike apparently the teacher here). What a weird recruitment drive by the teacher OP.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 04/09/2015 22:27

*automatic

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/09/2015 22:57

RaskolnikovsGarret

Is it any worse than the assumption that the teacher lied?

I'll ask again

What would the teacher gain by lying?

Fatmomma99 · 04/09/2015 23:04

Good clubs at your DD's primary school misses point

RaskolnikovsGarret · 04/09/2015 23:10

She would get more students for her club. At DDs' school, the music and sports children are always vying for pupils. This is just her slightly odd strategy to get recruits.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/09/2015 23:16

RaskolnikovsGarret

In this case she gets a child that doesn't want to be there.
A child that (according to the OP) can't sing,
And a parent that clearly has issues with her.

In what way is that worth the work/hassle that this would cause should the child go?

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/09/2015 23:32

The teachers at my children's school tried to get me to keep sending them to Spanish club even though they didn't want to go. If unwilling (and also untalented in miniBooms' case) children weren't attractive for some reason they'd have no reason to do that would they? Yet they did.

And the teacher in shirley's case has no reason to think shirley has issues with her does she?

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/09/2015 23:39

Boom

I'm going by what is written on the thread, so the teacher also doesn't apparently know that the child doesn't want to go and can't sing.

Bizarrely this could be one of those situations where both the child and the teacher are telling the truth.

teacher54321 · 05/09/2015 06:54

As a music teacher who bends over backwards to ensure that children are given the opportunity to take part this makes me want to cry! The sport/music clashing issue happens in every school, and she has obviously negotiated with the sports teachers to ensure that isn't an issue. Maybe your child was in a group of kids talking about netball and another one mentioned the clash. Maybe she got your daughter mixed up with someone else. We really are damned if we do, damned if we don't. Every parent asks on open mornings what extra curricular activities are offered, every head and chair of governors puts pressure on the music staff to offer clubs. There will have been no malevolent intent. She will be worrying about the Carol service.

Ihateigglepiggle · 05/09/2015 08:05

Teacher54321 - me too. I keep reading this thread because I can't believe some of the replies. Shall we print it out and offer it to our bosses next time they ask for assemblies / performances / 'whole school community spirit' and then actually spend our lunch times EATING LUNCH?

Or shall we just keep going, hoping we enrich and encourage the music eduction in the school?

I'm surprised there are people who are sure the teacher is a BIG BAD LIAR and won't consider that it might be a mistake.

I wonder, if the OP discovers that it's just a big misunderstanding, will they be back on telling us all about it?

Ihateigglepiggle · 05/09/2015 08:17

Just one more thing - the 'odd recruitment drive' of letting parents know their kids have a lovely voice and would be good in the choir.

I thought parents wanted to know when their kids were good at things?

Does that mean I shouldn't tell parents or kids when they are good?

I've been telling my pupils they are good at music for years.

teacher54321 · 05/09/2015 08:20

We don't have terrible ulterior motives in wanting children to do things. We're just, y'know encouraging them to reach their potential and maybe access things they wouldn't have the opportunity to do elsewhere. And maybe enjoy something new.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 05/09/2015 12:38

I think I might cancel my club and suggest all my colleagues do the same. So inconsiderate of us to give up our free time to enrich children's learning. What on earth were we thinking?

Original poster
Shirleycantbe · 05/09/2015 16:55

Firstly, I'm really sorry to have pissed off any teachers on this thread if it seemed I don't appreciate what they do or in particular, the effort they put in to extra curricular activities in the context of what I know is an extremely demanding essential job. That wasn't my intention at all. I come from a family of many teachers and I am constantly in awe of what they contribute and put up with.

Obviously this teacher is simply trying to boost choir attendance and that is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

My point was, that to say my DD has said something that she simply couldn't have done is a bit of an odd way to go about it. And I think a bit off since I think kids should be able to believe that their teachers tell the truth. I got the email within 3 hours on the first day of school - my DD still had no knowledge of what days her clubs were on. She simply couldn't have volunteered the info. And it's a small school with no other kids with names like my DD - I don't think that was the issue.

But I totally get that in making it seem worthy of an AIBU I am making too much of it and at most it's a somewhat I'll thought out though well-intentioned recruitment drive.

OP posts:
anothermakesthree · 05/09/2015 17:20

So....emailing a parent and telling them their child has a lovely voice & might benefit from joining the school choir is dodgy recruitment practice......WTF??

Spartans · 05/09/2015 17:33

Why are you insistent it's a lie rather than a misunderstanding. That's what's is off.

I am grateful teachers do as much as they do. But I am surprised they do when this is what they are up against.