To think someone who has NO blood relation in my family has a right to insult me?

[AndPopcorn]

Sorry if this sounds like a rant...

I had a rocky relationship with my mother and i fell out with her for three years to which she passed away. I came back around my family obviously because regardless if i never spoke to my mum i loved her and i was extremely upset over her death.

Some man who has been married to my nan (mums mum) sits there and bad mouths me to my family (all who stick up for me)

He paid for my mums funeral which he didn't have to as my sister had the money and he only did it because he knows he will get it back out of her estate.
I personally think he did it to be nosy as to how much money me, my sis and two brothers will get and to show a dominance at the funeral because he was staring me out and giving me nasty looks and talking about me to my mums friend.

Funny thing is my mum didnt even really like him, she said he was racist and treated my nan like shit because she walks slow he leaves her behind and shouts at her.

Anyway ive come to know he said to my cousin "why has she even come back around, its for the money"

Firstly they are MY family, not his he isnt related to anyone but his kids he had with my nan.
Secondly my mum would of left me money whether i came back around the family or not because she was like that. I dont even need to talk to my family as im in the will but i choose too.

My sister and brother said i should confront him when i see him as i will probably next see him in years but im angry at it, this man has no business talking about me to my family and he knows absolutely NOTHING about mine and my mums relationship.

just to add he also has a reputation for wanting antiques he tried to get his grubby hands on my great aunts antiques when she died. I think he is just jealous im getting money. He is also a benefit fraudster so i dont know why he thinks he can judge others!

You sound as bad as each other.

Sorry.

^ This

When it comes to family, money is completely irrelevant. Somebody 'coming back' for money is just fucking depressing.

I think it's up to your nan to put him in his place rather than it coming from you. Can you talk with her?

This cannot end well.

It sounds horrible from what you describe. I think you can only distance yourself from this husband? boyfriend? of your nan, and yet try and keep contact there with her if you can.

Money is such an emotive subject in families. No, he can't judge you, you are entitled to any money your mum wished to bequeath you. I'm sorry it's all been so messy for you.

Proud don't sound like a pleasant bunch and it is all very dysfunctional.

I count real family are the people who are there for me, some of those people have married into my family. I depends on the individual relationship. Three years ago your mum didn't like this man but who knows what has happened in the meantime. She could have confided everything to him!

I'm very sorry for your loss.
I'm amazed that anyone ever gets through a funeral without a falling out, because they are horrible times, full of tension guilt and regret.
So I'm very sorry, this all sounds unpleasant.
But I would just let it lie.
You weren't close to your mother.
You really don't know her opinion of this man.
You don't know how much you hurt her by not speaking to her.
So you don't understand how it looked for you to appear at the funeral.
I would just let it go.

Yeah he may not have been blood relatives to them but it sounds he has been in their lives a lot more than you have!

Family isn't about blood for me. I have many people who I consider family who aren't blood related like my uncles, who married my mums sisters. No blood relation but I view them exactly the same.

The fact that he isn't a blood relation has nothing to do with it. Either you allow family to insult you (don't know why you would) or you dont.

Tbh you sound like you are both doing similar questioning the other motives and rights to be in the family. He may not be blood, but he has been there. Surely you and your sister could have said 'no we will pay for the funeral' . He thinks you are back for the money, you think his gesture is so he can find out about the money......so you are as bad as eachother.

Assuming this is a recent bereavement , I would guess you are upset by this because you are grieving and feel a little guilty about not speaking to your mum before she died.

Yabu
Or yanbu
I can't tell from your thread title

Sorry for your loss.
I would just let it go. It's an emotive thing for other friends and family members when someone who was non-contact with the deceased while alive comes back for the funeral.
Not saying you didn't have every right to do so, but you must surely be able to empathise with how others might feel about it.
Just move on, you don't have to see this man much, if ever.
I agree he sounds horrible in the way he treats his wife, though.