Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be scared of having another baby after termination

14 replies

Inim · 03/09/2015 23:14

i fpund out i was pregnant a week afyer splitting from partner, then had hyperemesis and a toddler to look after and ended up having a termination which I now regret a lot but it was just so hard to think clearly and I felt so guilty not being able to look after toddler properly.

Now I want another baby but I feel like I shouldn't be allowed one, or that if I get pregnant again something bad will happen because of the termination and the baby would have a genetic disorder or something.
I feel really bad for getting rid of one baby and then having another on purpose it feels so wrong.
I don't know how to cope with this, I'd be giving birth next month if I hadn't done what I did.
:(

OP posts:

pinkmanbitch · 03/09/2015 23:18

I don't think any of us could say anything that would actually make you realise that your termination has no influence on any subsequent pregnancies but I wish we could. The fact is that it WON'T and you do not 'deserve' bad luck or anything but I know hearing it and accepting it are 2 different things

TheLightsWinning · 03/09/2015 23:18

Bless you.

The termination won't effect a current pregnancy. It sounds like you might benefit from talking through your feelings and fears with someone?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/09/2015 23:20

I think it has not even been a year since you had an abortion, give it time.

Is the person who you plan to have a baby with your ex partner or a current partner.

Original poster

Inim · 03/09/2015 23:33

Ex partner is now my current partner. The argument was very stupid and he was very supportive when I had the termination (he didn't influence me at all, it was my choice) he is also toddlers dad. I don't think I want another right away but part of me thinks, if I can get pregnant before the baby would have been due it justifies it, as in, well I wouldn't have my son/daughter if I didn't have the termination so it was definitely the right thing to do, if that makes sense.
I also know that if I really wanted the baby, I'd have put up with the sickness and their must have been other reasons for me to do that.

OP posts:

Guiltismymaster · 03/09/2015 23:40

You did what you thought was best at the time and that's all any of us can do.
It's easy to criticize yourself now that you're not there.
Do not feel guilty about being happy. But I agree that you should make sure you're ready first.

pinkmanbitch · 03/09/2015 23:44

yes, take your time definitely. Do you think you might benefit from some post abortion counselling? just to talk things through with someone experienced?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/09/2015 23:49

I think you need to come to terms with the termination first before even start TTC.

I am very pro-choice, and i don't even think a women needs a reason to terminate a pregnancy. you did the right thing for you at the time. You wasn't to know that this was a bad patch you and DP was going through.

If your next child is in any way disabled, it is not a punishment.

Looking after a toddler and having HG is hard ( i know I did it) there would have been no way i could have did it with out DH.

Original poster

Inim · 04/09/2015 00:00

The lady I saw before the procedure (a nurse I think) at the clinic was kind of mean, she left the scan up on the screen the whole time I was in the room, so if was right infront of me. Told me it would definitely hurt a lot because it was a "late abortion" and they use different tools apparently (it didnt hurt. I was sedated. And it wasn't a late surgical abortion as that is after 12 weeks according to their own website ) didn't listen that I wasnt sure I wanted the Implant maybe something else instead, just kep saying it was good until i agreed etc, it wasn't a good experience so I don't really want to go back their for counseling I just want to forget it.

OP posts:

TheWernethWife · 04/09/2015 18:50

Had a termination at 16 and 8 years later, and in a stable relationship, gave birth to a healthy girl who is now at unit.

TheWernethWife · 04/09/2015 18:51

Uni not unit

Notimefortossers · 04/09/2015 19:16

OP I recently considered a termination and had counselling at my local hospital. The lady I saw was amazing. She really helped me make sense of my thoughts and ultimately make my own choice.

I'm really sorry you had a bad experience but they're not all like that. Her organisation is called Cornerstone. Would you like me to get her details for you? You sound like you would benefit from some (good!) counselling

missymayhemsmum · 04/09/2015 23:41

OP, having another baby probably won't change how you feel about the one you didn't have, just as it might not change your feelings of loss if you had miscarried naturally. It is ok to grieve, you know, you faced a horrible decision and did what seemed best for your existing child, which was a brave thing to do, but you are now carrying the hurt of that decision.

A lot of people react to the pain of a termination by getting pg again quickly, filling the gap, as it were, but maybe you need to be brave again and decide what is best for the child you have, given the stability of your relationship and your tendency to hyperemesis?

fizzingmum · 05/09/2015 08:54

OP, I am in exactly the same position and feeling the same. I had an abortion In February and would have been due yesterday. I was so sure it was the right thing for my other children at the time, amongst other reasons that now seem ridiculous. I have regretted it ever since and can't stop thinking if I got pregnant again it would help. I don't know what I can say but sending big hugs. Xx

MrsBojingles · 05/09/2015 10:31

OP, having another baby isn't going to magically change the way you feel about what happens- I think you could do with some post abortion counselling- though not from where you went for the procedure. I think it could really do you good to talk it all through before you try for another baby. I think it would really help you put your fears to rest. Then when you do get pregnant again you can focus on enjoying that baby, not worrying that you don't deserve it.

Flip