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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider changing child minder?

58 replies

solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 14:44

Should have perhaps name changed for this. Hmm

DC has been with CM for just over a year now. Happy there on the whole, made lots of lovely friends and OH and I were so pleased we found someone we were happy with after a shaky start.

A few incidents have cropped up lately which have started to affect my confidence in her.

Just before the summer break (term time only) on several occasions I picked up DC and noticed very visible marks on face which definitely weren't there at drop off. Nothing horrendous or anything, just scratches or red marks, but nevertheless definitely noticeable.
Just to clarify: I completely understand he will get bumps and grazes, I'm not fussed by this in the slightest, it's the fact that every time this happened and I pointed them out, CM seems surprised by these marks and apparently hadn't noticed them at all, so obviously no idea how they happened either. These marks were noticeable, I can't understand her surprise at them, it's as if she's not looked at his face all day!

Now I'm a primary teacher and as such am totally used to minor bumps and grazes. However, I know if a child is leaving my care with a visible mark they did not arrive in the morning with. This is with a ratio of 1:30! And also pretty basic safeguarding.

Next point, he seems to come back in a change of clothes (spare trousers etc I put in his bag) a LOT. Some weeks it's every day. She is claiming his nappy leaks. His nappy has not leaked (whilst at home with me) since he was a tiny baby. It just NEVER happens. His stools are fairly consistently firm. I just can't make sense of this. The clothes are always in a real mess. Some I've had to chuck.

This is the main issue I have:
Collected yesterday, noticed he's in spare clothes again. Get home, get clothes out of bag, the seat of trousers are soaked, smells absolutely vile. Looks like they've been rinsed out or something. This sounds strange but it absolutely did not smell like my child's poo. I might be alone on this, but I know what my child's poo smells like.

In addition, his body suit was untouched.
If his nappy had leaked, how did it manage to cover the seat of his trousers yet leave his body suit completely untouched?

Must have sat in something I thought, (was guessing dog poo, as it smelt so vile and CM does have a very old dog that stays outside) so I asked her the next day.
She told me she doesn't know why it happened. WTF?
"Oo, I don't know, maybe he sat in some dinner, I can't remember." She was quite evasive and weird about it.

What do I do? I cannot make sense of this. I really dont mind what has gone on, if he's sat in something, it doesn't matter at all, just be straight with me! Same with the cuts etc, I completely expect accidents to happen but I just have a gut feeling she's not being straight with me.

I just don't feel right about taking DC back there now. AIBU?

Sorry this is so long and possibly very poorly explained, this is down to typing on my phone and trying to get it written within a nap time! Grin

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 03/09/2015 15:34

IIWM I'd turn up early to meet him and maybe have a chat with the CM about the dog etc. (It should in one of those large dog cages around the children.) Ask her outright what she thinks.

Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 15:37

The dog is kept in an enclosure in the garden at all times and is very old and soppy.
DS is also very vocal so would definitely tell me if dog had even looked at him Grin

It is the last incident that just doesn't make sense. How can you not know what had caused the mess? I just can't think of any explanation.

OP posts:
Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 15:40

I have thought about turning up early tbh.

I don't think I can take him back there at all now. What a mess!

OP posts:
shoopshoopsong · 03/09/2015 15:42

Firstly I really don't think you should feel bad about not acting sooner, because as you say all the events are not cause for alarm - but the lack of transparency is. If you and your son like her I'd be totally upfront and say you're happy with things except you need to be updated more thoroughly on things and if she can't do that it's not going to work

ppeatfruit · 03/09/2015 15:44

Well there could've been old fox poo in the garden or something, if she doesn't supervise and clear up the garden properly, then I would worry too.

Is she on the case with feeding and cleaning the dcs? How many does she have`?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 03/09/2015 15:55

if your son is vocal can he tell you what happened? ask him if he had his nappy changed and did he get a scratch? could be a simple explanation but I agree its odd how she is being so evasive. I would sit her down and ask her TBH tell her you are worried why her answers are so vague.

InimitableJeeves · 03/09/2015 16:49

Does she look after other children? It sounds a bit as if she may have put your child's trousers on another child.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/09/2015 17:12

If he were mine l'd definitely move him.
I know that is easier said than done, but l think your instinct is telling you something.
Good luck with it all.

Hellocampers · 03/09/2015 17:37

Cms look after children not one child. That's the role. You don't mix up clothes generally speaking.

I have explanations for parents for everything. It's inconceivable that she hasn't got any for the clothes.

I imagine he's happy there as she's kind and nice to him but the point is she should be that anyway coupled with excellent safeguarding and record keeping.

I have a dog and it's very easy to keep the children and the dog separate.

Duckdeamon · 03/09/2015 17:45

Don't feel bad.

I would move him immediately and report concerns to Ofsted even if I had to shell out on a temp nanny, the only issue in my mind would be whether or not to pay notice.

Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 18:00

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply.
Had a big chat with OH and our minds are most definitely made up. He's not going back.
I'm not looking forward to having the conversation with her.
I just wish I'd listened to my gut sooner Sad

OP posts:
Hellocampers · 03/09/2015 18:03

You will have to give her a months money though if that's your contract even if you stop going immediately.

I totally think you should but you will have to pay her or she could take you to court.

fabuLou · 03/09/2015 18:07

I thought you were being pfb until sat in dog shit. That is a dealbreaker for me. Boak. You are right to go with your instinct.

fabuLou · 03/09/2015 18:09

The garden should be safety checked for things like dog shit before children go out.

Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 18:16

The way I feel at the moment, I'd bloody pay 2 months.
Can't stop my mind racing through worst case scenarios now.

OP posts:
Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 18:20

I'm not sure what the hell it was. That's the problem, she couldn't explain it.

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 03/09/2015 18:54

Nanbu. Go with your gut feel. Good luck!

Singsongsungagain · 03/09/2015 19:05

I really feel for you. Leaving little ones is so so hard. You're putting your trust in them to protect and care for your most precious child. It's really tough. I think that if you're wobbling on the trust issue you should move him, for your own peace of mind as much as anything else.
To be honest, this is why we chose a nursery for our childcare. I've always felt there are more eyes and thus more safeguards.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/09/2015 19:05

Op your son is happy and healthy, don't beat yourself up for things that have happened previously and can't be changed. None of them have caused any damage to your boy.

But yanbu to change cm. What's worrying is the evasiveness. Even if she doesn't know how a child got a scratch she should admit this (it happens, but mostly I would expect her to know with very little ones, as they shouldn't be unattended). The lack of attention to your child is of concern, but definitely the evasiveness is what bothers me most because WHY??? I Can imagine being mortified to tell a parent that their child sat in dog shit in my care, but I would tell them and gush apologies and probsbly have washed the trousers. Kids that little shouldn't be around dog shit at all.

Original poster
solidarityplease · 03/09/2015 19:22

That's the thing, I've had to have some pretty awkward conversations with parents myself in the past, where their child has got themselves into one scrape or another in my class, (small children do have the uncanny ability to get themselves into sometimes quite unbelievable mischief!) but they are always acknowledged, explained and recorded. As other have said, its a basic safeguarding requirement.

Thank you everyone for helping me see things more clearly and trust my instincts. Tbh just reading back my OP was enough, I cried my eyes out!

Meeting booked for Saturday afternoon with a possible alternative. Smile

OP posts:
DanyStormborn · 03/09/2015 19:33

YANBU. My childminder has an elderly cat. If my DD sat in cat poo or the cat gave her a little scratch I'm 100% sure she would just tell me exactly what happened honestly. If it was her cat's poo on the clothes I'm also pretty sure she'd offer to wash them for me rather than send them home to me. Things happen but I would expect honesty. I wouldn't be overly bothered about the animal poo (we have pets with stomach issues at home!) but I would be very worried if she started keeping things from me or was forgetting stuff that only happened yesterday.

Purplepoodle · 03/09/2015 19:49

If her ratio isn't right I'd say cuts and bumps could be rough play with other kids or a pet.

Seat of pants does sound like dog poo or she's toilet training another child and there's been an accident - the weird thing in this all is her lack of valid explanation. Prob nothing sinister but iv found people lie or omit truth for weirdest reasons

Writerwannabe83 · 03/09/2015 20:06

I have a 17m old DS who has been going to his CM since he was 10m old. I visited 5 childminders before I met the one I use and she was the only one I could envisage leaving my child with. When it comes to someone caring for your child there can't be any doubts whatsoever regarding the quality of the care they are receiving. I wouldn't leave my DS with anyone who I didn't believe would look after him just as well as I do.

YADDDDDNBU to change childminders!!!

ppeatfruit · 05/09/2015 15:19

Let us know what happened solidarity

I just had a thought that if she's an Ofsted approved CM. Then maybe she's not liable to 2 months money if she's broken her side of the contract which I reckon she has.

Original poster
solidarityplease · 05/09/2015 20:23

Well, it's been an interesting few days.

We spoke with CM, shared our concerns with her and she didn't take it well AT ALL.
Incredibly defensive, and spectacularly (and repeatedly) missed the point when talking about the cuts and marks etc.
"Children do get bumps and scrapes" etc etc

She claimed she changes his nappies regularly ("as with all the children"). Why are they leaking so frequently then?!

And still could not give me an explanation for the trousers. Its like we're speaking different languages. I've given her several opportunities now to come clean and tell me what actually happened, but I'm still not satisfied with her answers. It's like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. Weird.

I did feel awful afterwards, she seemed really quite hurt. I have no doubt she cares for him and is doing what she thinks is right, but it's just not the standard of childcare I need for my child.

Went to visit alternative this afternoon. (Recommended) Was VERY impressed.

It made me feel less guilty about upsetting her......

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