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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding expectations of an 8mo?

27 replies

Drmum83 · 02/09/2015 19:13

Hope you don't mind me posting here- the behaviour/development section doesn't get much traffic. I'll delete this if you all bollock me...

Just seeking reassurance really, TIA

My nearly 8mo DD, for the last few months, has been displaying signs of shyness/not keen to socialise.
She's my first so I'm not clued up on the ranges of normal.

I take her to Baby Sensory and she has done other things like massage,rhythm time etc. We meet weekly with NCT babies and generally see a friend another day (who has a toddler)
My DD is meeting milestones, not crawling yet, interacts with me and DH and laughs and giggles when stimulated.
She is a different child, however, around others.

At baby sensory, I often have to pick her up and leave the main group for a few minutes at a time as she seems to get upset in large groups. I'll then make her laugh (often by barking like a dog!) and she'll calm down.
The NCT babies are all happy rolling around the mat, playing alongside one another. Occasionally they'll touch each other's faces and giggle. My DD sits on the edge, often with me next to her and is prone to random outbursts of crying until I pick her up and walk away.
Starting to think it's something i'm doing/not doing. She's happy as Larry once we get home and she's back playing with her own toys/feet.

Anyone any advice?! Hopefully you can reassure me that this is a normal developmental stage or just who she is. I'm happy with that, I just want to help her feel more comfortable in such situations in prep for the future!
TIA.

OP posts:

Spartans · 02/09/2015 19:18

I maybe not be the best person to answer this as I only have experience with ds (dd wasn't shy at all) but ds was very shy even as a young baby. I remember a woman talking to him in boots and he blushed then cried at about 10 months.

When he first started nursery he would actively ignore all the other kids. He only started socialising at about 3. He just wasn't interested.

He hated big groups, loud people, toddler groups (especially ones where they were being noisy). He is 4 and is very different now. Has lots of friends at school, loves being around people and not really shy.

Personally I ent think you have anything to worry about. Especially at such a young age.

Idontseeanytimelords · 02/09/2015 19:18

What's she like with just one other baby her own age? She could be a little overwhelmed in largish groups which reminds me of DD1 at around the same age. She became a lot more outgoing once she got moving around under her own steam for some reason!

Mrsjayy · 02/09/2015 19:18

Your baby sounds normal honestly i work with small kids and most of the babies go through a shy stage just keep talking her to the things the crying could be her over stimulated there is to much for her to take in.

SurlyCue · 02/09/2015 19:18

Sounds normal to me. Babies tend to go through a period of clingyness/shyness when approaching the 1 year mark. Obviously some get there earlier. Just keep going to the groups, remove her if she gets overwhelmed as you have been and try her back again when settled. Does she have a toy she really lights up when playing with? Could you bring it to group but only produce it if she starts getting upset in the group so that might encourage her to stay longer with the other babies? If she has a familiar happy toy?

Spartans · 02/09/2015 19:19

Personally I don't think you have anything to worry about

Mrsjayy · 02/09/2015 19:26

Some of our babies cant cope with a whole session and it gets to much for them they usually get better when they staring haring around with the rest of them,

ApplesTheHare · 02/09/2015 19:26

Sounds normal OP, they all go through phases of being clingy/shy, especially at that age.

Original poster

Drmum83 · 02/09/2015 19:33

Thanks everyone for your replies - I feel better with your words of experience.
She is a bit better with just one other baby and if she's warmed up to situation.
I think it just got to me earlier as the NCT mums obviously starting to think she's just a niggly nightmare!

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 02/09/2015 19:38

They wont really think that. place her in quiet situations till she is more confident or just take her away if she is getting frazzled their babies will cry too

ApplesTheHare · 02/09/2015 19:42

Trust me all they'll be thinking is 'Please don't let my baby start screaming', it's what everyone with a baby is thinking out and about

Madratlady · 02/09/2015 19:44

Totally normal, different babies cope with different levels of stimulation, some are more outgoing than others, some need more reassurance.

SurlyCue · 02/09/2015 19:45

Totally agree apples i remember when another baby was crying thinking "please dont let mine decide to join in" for some reason babies seem to want to attempt a mexican wave version of crying. Once one starts, they all go!

Waffles80 · 02/09/2015 19:45

One of my twins is really, really outgoing at home. But in big groups she's always been a bit shy (very handy, actually, as she stays by my side at other people's houses so I don't have to chase two of them around!)

And, as previous posters have experienced with theirs, she will bawl if someone gets too close to her when in the pushchair.

Yet at home she's a bolshy little thing.

Honestly, don't worry. Your baby sounds just great.

MummaGiles · 02/09/2015 19:49

My LO is 7.5 months and can be like that in large groups. He gets a bit overwhelmed by all the noise and other babies - some can suddenly shout or squeal which shocks and upset him. But he is ok around other adults and tends to settle around other babies after a while. I'm going to be putting him in nursery in a couple of months when I go back to work so he will have to get used to socialising and not be so sensitive ????

Dogsmom · 02/09/2015 19:52

I used to have exactly the same worry with my first daughter, she was always the quiet one and whereas other babies seemed more interested in their environment she was more of an observer.
It was always her who had toys taken off her at playgroups and would just let it happen.
She also went through a phase of crying at pretty much anyone accept me, dh and my Mom, she'd even bawl her eyes out at mil and if anyone spoke to her in a supermarket there was a meltdown!

Luckily it was a phase and she's now a friendly, sociable 2.5 year old, she's still not particularly loud or boisterous and can be a little shy at times but overall she's very sweet natured and plays well with other kids.

TracyBarlow · 02/09/2015 20:09

My first haaaated groups. He's 4 now and copes in groups but is a much, much more relaxed child when it's just him and one other person. Thankfully he's got a best buddy and they're inseparable.

Mistigri · 02/09/2015 20:51

It doesn't sound like you have anything to be worried about, as your DD's behaviour is normal when she is in smaller groups and less hectic situations.

My DS is very sensitive to loud noises and large groups. He also as a baby and toddler had almost zero interest in other babies - in fact you could leave him in a room with a younger baby and be completely confident that he would ignore him/her. He interacted normally with adults and older children as long as the environment wasn't too hectic.

He's completely normal - not especially sociable, and still doesn't like noisy places and large groups, but nothing to worry about!

Lurkedforever1 · 02/09/2015 21:10

Dd was never clingy or shy, unless she needed feeding she was one of those babies everyone passes round. Nevertheless she still went through a phase at about that age where she became very clingy, and would hide her face from anyone she didn't know really well, or just cry at them. I just went with it. Lasted about 6 weeks and then she went back to being sociable.
Iirc I read something about it being around that age when they begin to have a sense of something along the lines of what the world around them and security means, hence getting clingy/ anti- social/ shy being common at that stage.

Original poster

Drmum83 · 02/09/2015 21:56

Thanks- yeh, I read separation anxiety kicks in around now but she has always been slow to warm up from 3 months or so and has never been the kind of baby who likes to be passed around.
I just had visions of her on her own in the playground in a few years with no friends!

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 03/09/2015 07:49

Aww of course she will have friends

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 03/09/2015 07:58

I am the wrong side of 30, and i still don't like big groups!

Just keep taking her. Re-assure her. She might never like it, but will get used to it over time.

She is only little!

LieselVonTwat · 03/09/2015 09:11

She might be getting a bit of separation anxiety.

bittapitta · 03/09/2015 09:14

It's well recognised that children play "side by side" / "parallel play" until age 2.5/3 YEARS. Baby groups for an 8mo are about getting you out socialising with mums and giving her new toys!

CerseiLannistersEyebrow · 03/09/2015 09:16

Stranger anxiety is totally normal at this age!

YeahOkayWhatever · 03/09/2015 09:16

I think if you're expecting more of an 8 mo old other than poop, sleep, eat, cry and shove things in their mouth, you're expecting too much.

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