If you recognised yourself in an AIBU thread...?

[AlisonWunderland]

Not really a TAAT more a general query?
Mumsnet is pretty big so it's bound to happen that you read an AIBU thread and realise that you are the stranger that was thought to be so unreasonable. Or worse still, the unreasonable friend!

There have been a couple of unresolved threads over the last week where the reaction of the "unreasonable" has been extreme- one totally blanking the OP afterwards, the other creating a "shitstorm"

I wonder if these reactions are not to much to the original situation, but more to the on-line discussion that has been discovered

So if you discovered yourself being labelled as totally unreasonable, would you come on thread to defend yourself, or leave mumsnet forever in embarrassment?

Lois Don't measure yourself by any MN standards! They're not true ones, as MN is made up from all sorts of people from all sorts of walks of life. We'll all fall short of something, and be beyond others. I'm sure you're doing just fine, honestly

I know, Lois, a lot of stuff I thought was harmless, friendly small talk... like 'when are you due?' and 'do you know if you're having a boy or a girl!?' or 'do you think you'll get back to work or will you spend time with the baby?'.. I thought I was just idly chatting, starting conversations. I had no idea the irritation some people feel at these questions. Real eye-opener.

I was outed, not on AIBU but in Relationships. My husband and OW discovered my threads earlier this year. That was interesting! Husband decided to post, was absolutely shot down in flames and one post he made was removed by MN as he claimed I had accused him of sexually abusing my daughter, something I have never done and which was blatently untrue. The problem with posting anywhere is that you always run the risk of discovery. For that reason, I have ensured that everything I have posted has been true and can be supported in RL. Husband and OW tried everything to get threads removed, they even tried to have me prosecuted for contempt of court (as we were in the middle of ancillary relief proceedings at the time), they they tried to get the police to prosecute me for "trolling". The threads were taken down while I sought advice on my legal position and spoke to the police. They were then put straight back up again at my request.

I am absolutely sure that the embarrassment of their behaviour being exposed given they have created an utterly false story of their relationship in RL was behind it, especially as OW was widowed either during their affair or shortly before it started. The treatment inflicted on me and indeed my children by them has been beyond description and I am continually portrayed as the lunatic ex-wife . My decision to keep my thread running was purely because of the huge amount of support I have received on there and indeed I wasn't going to be chased off MN either. I have not name changed and I hope that one day they realise the pain and anguish they have caused to everybody. I have nothing to hide.

MrsC you do sound formidable indeed! And your ExDH and his OW sound like a couple of utter twunts. Well done for handling them in the way that you did.

I once had a woman take me aside at work and apologise for asking about my dad (who was very ill) everyday. She said that she had no idea it upset me but I should have just mentioned it to her rather than going online.
I had no idea what she was talking about as (a) I hadn't been online about it and (b) it didn't really upset me that she asked after my dad. It turned out there was a thread on MN where an OP was complaining about a work colleague always asking after her poorly dad which upset her as she saw work as her chance to get away from family pressures. She thought the OP was me. It wasn't. I didn't use MN back then and actually it was her that got me started on it!

beauty Thankyou!
urbane Yes exactly! I do all of those, thought I was making conversation, turns out I'm brash, rude and nosey
My spag bol is from a jar...I could go on

vacantly At least she came to you and it was cleared up. I wonder what the etiquette is if you recognise someone? Think I would tell them. Its tricky.

Thanks Pigeon . I am sure that they continue to stalk me on here every bloody day!

Formidable I would have to nc. I wouldn't want the creeps knowing anything about me. Even innocuous things. I suppose you can nc for personal things. What a pair of twats.

Lois I sometimes feel like that - if I see someone with a lovely baby, and I say what a lovely baby then read on MN that some crazy stalker woman had the audacity to say hello to me I start to wonder . . .

Mrs C you are indeed formidable

I have! Tbf the person posting it knew I would see it and actually felt I wouldn't say anything so she would have the chance to slap me off without defending myself. She had been pretty mean as well so I was taking a risk saying anything but I did defend myself because although her thread wasn't technically untrue it was very one sided and by omitting her part in it had the potential to make me look pretty bad.
I've also seen things exsil has said about me on netmums but couldn't give two hoots what she says about me the whole family are poison anyway.

TheFormidableMrsC I missed his posting, but did read the aftermath, thinking what sort of deluded twat posts on a thread where his shortcomings are being discussed?

As regards the talking to mums with babies, there's no right answer, but I take the attitude that chatting is ok (but I never say - and never did say - Ooo someone's unhappy / hungry ect when a baby is crying) considering how easy it is to feel isolated when you've got very young children

I've been slated on another forum before (IMDB). I'd made a comment about finding something distracting, which someone picked up on and transferred over to another board with the same person in. FTR it wasn't mean or anything, it was clearly meant as a joke! I don't read the boards on there anymore, they are horribly sexist most of the time.

I had a weird one once, where I offered advice on here and then picked up a call from the same person in work the following day . I couldn't believe the coincidence! I obviously didn't say anything (or post anything) but I like to think that I helped

Now curious as to what would happen if somebody gets "outed"

Would there be a comment

Oh, is that you mrs smith/jones/other common name, of the Main Street, in the big town...

Lois, I don't post on my threads so much anymore and with divorce looming, they will slide into zombiedom shortly. I may name change later, but my decision was based on not allowing them to chase me from my own thread. Pair of idiots!

Red thank you, I don't bloody feel it!

Alison, I think he was drunk and didn't have control freak OW sitting next to him. He might have thought twice otherwise...

I think WhyCant that it would be wrong to actually name somebody on a thread and if that sort of personal information was bandied about, I would expect the thread to be removed. I did recently have an odd experience when one of my Facebook friends asked me if I was "MrsC" as she had seen a post I had made about my son and recognised the description. I had no issue with her knowing who I was either.

I once posted a rant on another site about a group of friends. One of them read it and emailed me to attempt to defend them! I was mortified and stopped meeting up with them immediately. On the plus side, I met some new friends that I probably would never have met if I hadn't been outed. Instead, I probably would've carried on grumbling about them and being pissed off! (they really weren't nice).

I've not recognised myself specifically but I've discovered things that I didn't realise annoyed people.

For example: how you put your bra on. How you wipe your bottom!

And that some people really get really annoyed if you order at a self-service counter while the rest of your party sits down.

I saw a thread once where I was sure I knew the people involved and I can't have been the only one as someone replied with 'Do you live in Kent and is this person's initials LT?'
I was thinking the same and then the thread got deleted the next day due to privacy reasons.