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AIBU?

To think this is fucking rude, nosey and slightly unhinged?

49 replies

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 14:37

I used to get my ndn to babysit for me. Probably happened about 5 times. The last time she was here was about jan/feb.

I've seen her LOADS of times since then. Had chats she's been here for coffee twice etc. I've just got back from the Asda and she was downstairs talking to another neighbour. She came rushing over to me, basically singing my name as she said hello. Then says to me.

"You know the last time I was in your house babysitting, I saw a letter on the side about you missing five hospital appointments, why haven't you been going?"

My jaw nearly hit the floor! I was so shocked that she a) was reading through my fucking personal stuff and b) she had the brass neck to actually tell me about it, bearing in mind this was how many months ago!

I couldn't get words out, I gave her a puzzled death stare then just said fuck me you're nosey! Why was you reading my stuff? Apparently she's worried about me because I have DD and you know... I don't fucking know! I finished getting my shopping out the car shaking my head the whole time then started going upstairs. As she's walked off she's half laughing saying I know, I'm a nosey babysitter.

I fucking fuming. I feel violated. I need to say something to her but I don't know where to start.

AIBU to feel this angry? AIBU to say something to her? Can some one help me construct a text to send her. I don't want to see her.

OP posts:

Report

MrsTedCrilly · 01/09/2015 15:29

I think that's just weird! To not mention it all the other times you've seen her since then, she obviously didn't do it out of concern. Why would she mention it now!? Mail is private. Like others have said I might accidentally glance at stuff lying around but sounds like she rifled through.. Is she a bit odd in other ways?

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 15:31

I too am struggling with the fact that the only thing some posters are taking from this is that I missed 5 appointments according the nosey neighbour, so I'm responsible for the state of the NHS!

OP posts:

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 15:36

I did start to notice a few strange things which is why I stopped the babysitting. She's a bit of a conspiracy theorist and other neighbours refer to her as the weird one. I put that down to her being bored.

OP posts:

beardsrock · 01/09/2015 15:37

Who cares how many appointments she's missed?!!

It's the OP'S business and no-one elses.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 15:44

YANBU OP

OP has pointed out that she did not miss 5 appointments. This was a clerical error.

The letter was on the bottom of a pile. Neighbor didn't 'glance' at it, she dug through the pile!

BoredAdminGirl · 01/09/2015 15:53

YANBU

She could have said the same about seeing a letter from a debt collection about missing 5 payments. It's none of her business

Andylion · 01/09/2015 16:00

YANBU. OP, maybe she waited six months because wanted an audience. Have you run into her before when others were around?

scarlets · 01/09/2015 16:01

When you ask babysitters in, you quite fairly assume that they're not going to rummage through your papers, so if they do, yanbu to feel aggrieved.

Perhaps she used the microwave and accidentally knocked the letters off, though? She might then have spotted the letter during the clear up process. That doesn't make it ok to discuss it with you in company, however.

slithytove · 01/09/2015 16:04

I got a letter about missing my smear the other day.

I had cancelled the appointment and hadn't yet rescheduled.

No cost to the nhs, just poor wording.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 01/09/2015 16:04

I remember my MIL commenting unhappily on the contents of an email she had read in her other DIL's (my SIL) deleted email folder. I was stunned that she would be a) be going through the folder and b) telling anyone what she'd done.
It completely changed my attitude to her and I never left her with access to our house/computers or anything again.

MistressMerryWeather · 01/09/2015 16:06

YANBU.

Nosy shit.

AnUtterIdiot · 01/09/2015 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 16:11

I feel like I need to say something. Not agresive or rude just to say how violated I feel and fact I can't trust her anymore.

The other neighbour was not in earshot. She often confides in me and maybe thinks I should do the same with her? (I'm desperately trying to rationalise this behaviour) but that's my choice not hers.

OP posts:

Olddear · 01/09/2015 16:20

Well, I've managed to never 'accidentally' or otherwise read anyone's mail that they've left lying around in their home. Outrageous! She'd never be over my door again

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 16:38

I'm going to send this message to her. I can't keep quiet about it and I think she needs to know how I feel.

What do you think?

Hi Nosey NDN. After the revelation that you've read my personal mail I have to say that I'm very upset that you have violated my privacy and think your behaviour was outrageous. I struggle to believe you done it out of concern as its been months since you read the letter and have only just mentioned it. The fact that you think it's funny (hahaha yes I'm a nosey babysitter) is just strange. I'm happy to be neighbourly with you but I think I'll be leaving it at from now on. All the best. Aoife pissed off Bell

OP posts:

SawdustInMyHair · 01/09/2015 16:41

I can see how you can see a letter that's out and not be able to stop your brain reading what's on it. Happens to me all the time and I'm not trying to read things, but seeing=reading for me. Even upside-down.

But I a) wouldn't rummage through someone's papers and if they were on display I would avert my eyes if possible. I've even flipped over things that look like official letters so I don't read them by accident! Then of course I worry for years that the person will think I was reading it and that's why it's been moved

and b) wouldn't ever in a million years even DREAM of bringing it up with the person concerned. It's not something they've chosen to share with me, ergo it's not something they want to talk with me about.

There is also the risk, as in OPs case, that the information you do have is wrong!

SawdustInMyHair · 01/09/2015 16:45

Aoifebell I think that's good, I'd maybe say something about how she couldn't have been concerned about you before she decided to go through the letters!

InimitableJeeves · 01/09/2015 16:49

Just because a good PA text works better if it's super grammatical, I suggest "I struggle to believe you did it out of concern as it's been ...", and "I'll be leaving it at that..."

And you might like to ask MN to take your name off your post.

InimitableJeeves · 01/09/2015 16:50

Sorry, just realised that probably isn't your real name, ignore that bit.

WorktoLive · 01/09/2015 16:55

How does missing appointments cost the NHS money.

Any medical appointment I've ever had is usually way later than the stated time. I can't imagine how late they would run if everyone turned up.

Aoifebell · 01/09/2015 17:02

I changed those bits thanks. No, not my real name

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 01/09/2015 20:02

Workto can you not see that non attendance costs money? Time wasted by clinical staff, administration costs of having to rearrange. There's probably a few more but these are 2 I can think of. Your slight on the service you have received from the NHS is in poor taste. If you don't like it that much, pay to go private.

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RaspberryOverload · 01/09/2015 21:43

Actually, DD ended up missing an appt because the ridiculous admin procedure was that ALL appts were sent out by letter.

I was at the desk with DD after one appointment and on being told that a follow up was required for later on (but how much later wasn't actually specified) I got my diary out to fix up a time there and then.

Only to be told that no, I couldn't make arrangements now, I'd have to wait for the letter then re-arrange if not convenient.

Result, no letter until one stating DD was being discharged as we'd missed an appointment we didn't know about.

I phoned up and created a stink but it was a waste of time. Luckily, it turned out DD was fine, didn't need the follow up.

And that system is a waste of NHS resources too. If someone is in a position to fix up an appointment right then, it should be done, with a follow up letter to confirm. Not wasting time making an appointment that isn't suitable, with the associated costs of re-arranging.

fishfacedcow · 01/09/2015 21:55

we had a ndn feed the animals when we were on holiday. when we got back he admitted he'd been rummaging in the under-stairs-cupboard and the garage for a tool he thought we had. This person is a pillar of the comunity who is paid to uphold the law! felt totally fucking violated, especially since he would have had to empty out the ENTIRE contents.

ruined my trust in people

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