To think dinner time should not be this difficult

[Dadistired1]

I have a large family of 6, I have 4 teenagers (two step dc) and 2 younger children.

So my wife cooks for the younger dc, i cook for the teenagers. Dsd is vegan and so usually requires a different meal, dss is very fussy and does not eat red meat or refined carbs so requires a different meal. On mondays, wednesday and fridays some of the dsc do sports in the evenings which require a meal to be heated up. I find myself on an average night cooking from 6:30 to 8:30.

Sorry if this comes across as a big moan.

I would't facilitate the fussy eaters. They eat family meals or shop and cook for themselves/go hungry. I can understand the smaller ones have an earlier bedtime, but still cook one meal. You can plate up their portions of the main evening meal for the day after meaning there's always food for them in the fridge/freezer.

How old is the vegan? If she's old enough to decide i'd say she's probably old enough to cook.

I know you normally eat at 7.30, couldn't you try eating at 6.30 with everyone else?

Pretty disgusted that people are lumping the vegan in with 'fussy eaters'. I would be supportive if my child made an ethical choice and was able to stick to it.

I agree with what others have said - cook a meal, with vegan version or alternative (this doesn't need to be a huge hassle - I frequently do similar for vegan friends), anyone not present can re-heat. Even the actual fussy eater can probably be accommodated most of the time, especially if avoiding red meat means she can eat the same as the vegan.

Depending what vegan alternatives are used, you can as others have said have a vegan meal for everyone sometimes, too. There's vegan mince and sausages and things, albeit a bit harder to find than vegetarian ones (Quorn uses egg). Burritos are a good one! And a lot of meals are vegan if you just say, leave the cheese off until people put it on their own serving.

Also - meal plan if you don't already. Will make it easier if you have thought in advance!

Pootles my sister became vegetarian in primary school - was definitely old enough to decide and still is to this day (my parents were wonderful and supportive). A child, and definitely a teenager is allowed to make important medical decisions about themselves, they can certainly decide what they're comfortable eating! We're not talking about deciding they hate peas, it's an ethical decision.

I appreciate that, but an ethical decision is one you make for your life. You don't get to decide you want to do something, so someone else must do it for you.

I'd say its an ethical decision yes, but not a medical one, sorry.

I certainly wouldn't (and don't) punish my vegan son for having ethics/morals by excluding him from family meal times.
I usually eat vegan with him, and the little one, who is v. fussy, will usually have what he'll eat from that, plus something like vegetarian sausages, grated cheese and full fat yogurt afterwards.
It doesnt take anything like 2 hours, mind!

No wonder you are tired. I haven't a clue how to go about feeding a vegan a "family meal" but there has got to be an easier way

I didn't say it was a medical one? I was saying if they're allowed to make medical decisions, which are more serious, and are responsible enough for that, they are able to make diet decisions too.

They are making the decision for their life, but they are still going to need help from their parents depending on their age and knowledge. I'm not saying she shouldn't cook - she most likely knows more about how to have a healthy vegan diet than her parents do anyway. But the dismissive and judgemental attitude of some of the posters here is pretty awful.

Potatoes are vegan, so wedges, chips, mash, roast, baked are a good start. As is some pasta, all vegetables and all fruit. I'd go with cooking vegan, then adding meat for the carnivores, rather than trying to adapt meat meals for the vegan, iyswim?

Oh sorry I totally mis-read that! Apologies .

I'm a vegetarian who doesn't like cheese. My husband is a veggie who doesn't like mushrooms. My eldest son is fuss-tastic. My middle son eats most things. (The baby isn't weaned yet!)

But dinner in our house isn't stressful at all, even though we all have different tastes. Like others have said, keep the basics the same eg roast potatoes, broccoli, carrots, peas and add whatever. How about egg free pasta with a pasta sauce. The non vegans can add cheese. No time at all to prepare. Vegetable stir fry with egg free noodles or rice. Mash (with soy milk), beans and either veg or meat sausages.

If someone's missing at dinner time, the food just goes in the oven til they're home and is eaten as is. And if they're not happy they can cook their own! I was cooking my own dinners on a semi-regular basis from the age of 13.

Veganism is fussy eating, even if it is driven by ethics. By definition the avoidance of a huge number of food groups for no medical need is fussy. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying that I wouldn't support it in my household.

In a hypothetical situation I have no qualms saying that I wouldn't support my child deciding to be a vegan. Money is tight enough as it is and as admirable as the ethics of my child might be they don't override the needs of the rest of the family to eat well and enjoy their food.

I have a vegan DH and a vegetarian DD and then there's DD and I who both eat meat.

I cook one meal...but have a meat side...not always...about three times a week there is meat or fish and one solid vegan salad with potatoes or quinoa or pasta...DD and I have that with meat.

Sometimes I make baked potatoes with vegan bolognaise....sometimes I want mince in it...so I make that and offer DH and veggy DD a potato with salad....I keep it simple by offering the vegan base dish as a main.

DD and DH supplement with nuts and Dd has cheese and eggs too.

We are getting DD, aged 9, to start cooking some meals now. She made chicken kiev and ratatouille for 5 (DH, DD and I, and my visiting DB and DSis) last weekend, and I made HM potato wedges to go with it. She makes pasta arrabiata as well, and makes the mix but doesn't yet cook scrambled eggs.

She is fussy too, and as she's underweight and ASD, we pander slightly to it so she will eat. Slight variations to our dinner (sauce on the side of plain pasta not mixed in, or a sausage instead of lamb chop, or a frozen pizza instead of whatever oven dish we are having that she hates). But we don't make wholesale extra/different dinners. She's also free to raid the fridge/cupboard for cheese, tomatoes, crackers, toast etc, or fruit - but not treat things.

Make dinners that everyone will eat. Make spag bol, with a quorn/no meat batch suitable for vegan, one night for the older folks and reheat the following night for toddlers. Do a roasted veggies pasta, and add chopped sausages/chicken/bacon pieces/prawns or whatever for the non-vegans. Many veggie curries are really tasty. Many meat meals can be served just minus meat for vegan. And do batched dinners - freezing single or 2 person portions before dishing up tonight's dinner, so that sports nights are easier (I recommend freezing in 1/2 person portions only, as easy to grab as many of those as you need for more, they defrost quicker, and also allow only 1/2 people grab it easily rather than only having full family portions available).

There are LOADS of easy meals to do. Ask everyone for a favourite dish to add into the repertoire of family meals, ask everyone to learn A dish that they are happy to make say once every fortnight/3 weeks, and do more meals where a sauce does well sitting for a while and you just do fresh boiled pasta/rice rather than 2 or more totally different dinners daily.

I agree. How old is the vegan child? If she's old enough to cook, she can bloomin' well make her own meal if she wants to be that faddy about it. If she's young enough to be cooked for, how the hell has she been allowed to decide to be a vegan? She should eat what she's given and like it.

do it yourself meals are also good, like fajitas so the carnies add the chickenm and cheese the vegans leave it out, and include their own veg chilli

Get all the dc involved with the food preparation! Dig out recipe books with nice photo's for them to earmark. Have one fish or meat dish, 2 veg/pulse/rice/potato dishes, and then a salad, a dressing, cheeses, fruit , olives, nuts and seeds, nice bread etc all of which require no preparation and yet can be put straight on the table buffet style.

Chickpeas and lentils can be sprouted on the windowsil and add immediate appeal to any dish.

The veg/pulse combi can be done in the slow cooker as a batch. Table looks cheerful with the fruit and cheeses etc, and everyone gets to eat what they want. Sorted!

Thanks for all the responses, I will be taking on some of the suggestions including the dc helping with cooking.

just a warning, if they can't cook it will take longer whilst they learn

As an aside, what kind of teenage boy doesn't eat 'refined carbs' out of choice :S

My DB is 14 and if you told him he was allowed to live on nothing but chip butties for two weeks I think he would think he had died and gone to heaven...

Utterly ridiculous to faff about like this IMO. When I was fifteen I decided I wanted to be vegetarian. My mum said fine, no problem, as long as you cook your own meals as I work full time and I am not cooking separate meals for you and everyone else. I did it for about three weeks and then couldn't be bothered any more. So the vegetarianism died a death.

Agree they should be able to cook. And if they can't or don't want to they should either learn or suck it up and eat what everyone else is eating.

2 words. Stop pandering

MaybeBaby he's a runner so prefers slow realease brown carbs. His couch tells him what to eat and what to avoid.

I turned begetarian when I was 13. "That's fine," said mum. "But you're cooking for yourself"

Make one meal. Any teenager can eat what they're given or look after themselves.

*vegetarian

Re the vegan, it's easy to have principles while someone else does all the heavy lifting, eg still getting to eat tasty nutritious meals which someone else has planned, shopped for, paid for and prepared. Being vegan and taking responsibility for at least some of your meals is harder and much more worthy of respect. The vegan would be cooking for herself (as I did from the age of 13 when I became vegetarian) in this house.