to think I want to keep the baby

[bananasandoats]

I am unexpectedly pregnant. I'm in shock, I really am. I don't know how it happened, well obviously I do, but was using condoms and I have always used them and never even had a scare before.

Anyway, I'm panicking about money mainly. How to cope as a single parent, I just don't know. I think I want it, but is it just going to be impossible and obviously if I am going to terminate its best to do it quickly.

Mines due in Oct (double contraceptive failure!!!) I decided to keep him because for me I couldn't actually think of a good enough reason not to. It's all do able really.
TBF to panda I don't think she meant to be horrid, just putting across her own experience. However, 2 parents are just as likely to do a bad job as 1. If anything i find it easier being a single parent as there's no argument over how things should be done, I just do what I think is best. In fact, I really don't think it's as hard as people make out. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck

Not my own experience, but a close friend had her baby in very similar circumstances. She is a wonderful mum and very close to her little boy, although she works full time. The baby's father is not involved at all (his choice, sadly). My friend was in her late 30s when she got pregnant, and decided she probably wouldn't have another chance, so went for it. She has no family close by, but when her DS was born she met a couple of other single mums, and they have an arrangement where they help each other out in emergencies, to give each other a break etc. Best of luck with everything OP!

I had twins after a 2 week fling. I have done it all myself as a single parent. Yes it's hard but not impossible.

Problem is it's hard to plan for every eventuality, you just sometimes have to manage situations as and when they come up I think.

Lots of parents raise children alone for lots of different reasons. I was a single parent to 2 dc's after leaving an abussive relationship when they were very young. Both are now adults and certainly not 'misfits', but lovely, caring people .
Btw, congratulations

I have a 4yo DD on my own and it's not that hard TBH. I run my own business (set up after her birth) and work my own hours. We're very close and it's a nice set up. Financially we don't want for much as I work very hard when she's asleep! Yes you can do it but try and wrap work around your new situation. Earn as much as you can when you are working as time is a dwindling asset as a single parent.

Being at work is not why you have an ungrateful son panda. That happened because you overcompensated and parented badly. There is no suggestion here that the OP will make your mistakes.

Misfit is quite foul. Do you really think all children of single parents are misfits, or are you projecting some kind of working-woman-patriarchal guilt here?

My SIL is a lone parent through choice and yes it's hard but she's much happier than she was before. Her worries are different but she's happy and so is her DC.

She has a supportive family around her....do you have any good mates or family OP who will help you?

You need to think about both sides, how will you feel if you do have an abortion? Can you live with that decision?

Where do you live at the moment? Baby can share your room for a while.

The main cost will be childcare, assuming you return to work. I used a child-minder who was cheaper than nursery and lovely.

Most of what you need for a pre-school child can be picked up v cheaply second hand. Disposable nappies aren't even as expensive as people make out as you don't get through that many a day. In fact I think I found life cheaper when on maternity leave as I went out a lot less in the evenings.

I think everyone who's had kids, whether they're a single parent or in a couple, regardless of how much planning has gone into starting a family, has moments where they think "What have I done? Am I ready for this? How will I cope?" - it's completely normal. Being in a couple or having a planned pregnancy doesn't mean you won't worry about being a good mum, or how you're going to manage it all.

Whatever decision you reach, I hope it's the right one for you. I hope there's someone in RL who can offer you and a sympathetic ear.

I definitely don't want an abortion but might have to have it adopted. I'm not sure yet.

If you think you want children then think very hard before giving up what you say is probably going to be your only chance of having a child. That's a regret that will be hard to live with.

Be bold, it sounds like you very much want the little life that is growing inside you. Perhaps google some single parent associations as that might give you an idea of how you could cood with the practicalities - which seems to be what you're most worried about?

My friend had a baby at 44 in similar circumstances. I'm sure its it easy but dhesnd her child are fine.

Why would you have to have it adopted?

I think it is very much your choice. Quite likely you would be a good parent and do a good job but there would be serious compromises (there areally no mattercliffe when yoi hAve a baby). Not having this baby doesn't mean you won't have one at another time under different circumstances. So it's your decision about when and under what circumstances you wish to become a parent. Good luck deciding. Neither is a wrong choice if you are well and stable enough to have a baby.

Don't be too harsh on Panda, people - she's obviously had a hard time. Some of them don't turn out how you might wish them to, despite best efforts! Hindsight is a fine thing and I'm sure she did her best as a lp, as we all do.

I can also identify with what she is saying about always being at work for those important moments - that can be hard, as can trying to manage finances and schedules alone.

I have to say that despite the challenges I faced as a lp, I wouldn't go back and change a thing as my dd gives me so much pleasure and I have such provide in her. She's growing into a fine young girl and I think seeing me work hard and manage things on my own has been a good thing for her. She has a great work ethic, is fair and kind and is going to be a great adult.

If you want to be a parent then go for it.

Do you have support other than family? Any kind of support network will be very useful. If you don't, then you can join single parents groups, nct etc.

The thing is OP.. You think you won't manage financially or be able to handle everything it throws at you but you just do! I would never have thought I could afford a child, but you cut back on other things, buy things cheap and it works out. The love you have for your child helps you cope with everything. You sound like you do really want this baby deep down and I think terminating when you're not totally sure might be something that you would come to regret, same as adopting.. (not saying everyone would)

I'm pro choice though so don't have any issues with abortion/adoption, having had a termination myself. But I was 100% not ready, quite young and didn't want kids at all at that time. Your posts sound like you do.. Sometimes you have to go with the flow of life because we can't always wait for the 'perfect' time