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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told DP to leave?

11 replies

zippyone · 01/09/2015 03:37

My sister, who suffered with depression and mental health issues, sadly took her own life last week.

Since then I have been a mess obviously barely keeping it together for the DCs. Since then my DP of 10 years has been acting strangely and thinks he is going crazy - he thinks he is cursed and people die because of him. He told me the night my sister died of bad things that happened to him as a child.

He also told me tonight how he had a crazy episode a few months back where he was telling people he had done all sorts of terrible things and thought he was black (he didn't and he's not)- he said it was like someone had taken over his mind!

What I really don't get is why he is just telling me this stuff now?!! So I told him to leave which he did. Is it selfish to just want him to be there for me? I feel like I can't even talk about my sister as he just turns it back on him and how he thinks he is crazy. Just realised tonight that he has hardly asked me how I am this past week.

I felt that I just couldn't deal with these revelations on top of everything and I got quite annoyed with him for telling me this stuff now at all times. Now I can't sleep and am worried what if he does something stupid too?

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 01/09/2015 03:43

I'm sorry about your sister.

It sounds like you need to rely on someone else for support at the moment as your dp is not able to for whatever reason.

It may be that he is having MH problems too and he needs some support for that.

VincentVonGogh · 01/09/2015 03:48

Zippy, I'm really very sorry about your sister

Yanbu. This sounds like a tremendously difficult and stressful time for you and it is entirely understandable that you would are not able to cope with this on top of your shock and grief.

However, his behavior does sound worrying, does he have history of mh issues? Do you know where he has gone to?

Tootsiepops · 01/09/2015 05:05

I'm so very sorry for your loss , but agree with pps - your partner sounds as though he may have some fairly serious mental health issues at the moment.

MaddyinaPaddy · 01/09/2015 05:43

I know it seems like had timing, but had you been saying things like 'if only my sister had told someone his she was feeling' .I don't know but I think your dh was crying out for help. If you feel Unable to support him I think you should alert one of his close relatives immediately

MythicalKings · 01/09/2015 05:46

I don't know but I think your dh was crying out for help. If you feel Unable to support him I think you should alert one of his close relatives immediately

This. Please get him to seek help.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/09/2015 10:08

It never rains when it can pour, eh! I am so sorry for your loss and it must be awful that you're not receiving the help you need.

Your partner sounds like he is having a breakdown of sorts, maybe your sisters death has prompted him to share his thoughts? What is he like normally, is this out of character? I would be asking him to seek help and involving his friends and family. It's bloody awful that it's all come at once though.

ohtheholidays · 01/09/2015 10:18

So sorry about your sister OP

Of course you need support.Like others have said I think I'd contact a close family member of your husbands,if you don't feel upto talking to anyone could you send them a text?

I could be a million miles of,but I was watching a programme the other night and there was a young girl on there that was getting cognitive behavioral therapy,she had severe OCD and part of her condition made her believe that she'd killed people,she also believed people had died because of her/her actions.They hadn't,but it was very real for that young girl.

pandamiranda · 01/09/2015 10:21

Hi this happen to my sister, she thought that she had killed people she had seen on the News. It was manic depression.

SaucyJack · 01/09/2015 10:34

Do you believe he is experiencing these things, or do you think he's just putting it on to keep the attention firmly on himself?

UnbelievableBollocks · 01/09/2015 10:40

I can understand why you couldn't deal with what he was telling you just after losing your sister,but you could do with alerting one of his other relatives to what he's been telling you so they can support him or get him help.

No, yanbu to need time to deal with your grief and the loss of your sister, but it sounds like he needs help too, so alerting someone else who is in a position to support him is vital.

Unless he has history of making stuff up, it sounds like your sister's death has been a trigger for him admitting what has been happening to him and he's disclosed symptoms of reasonably serious mental illness. He needs help from somewhere.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/09/2015 10:43

If he is genuinely suffering MH issues of his own, then his behaviour is understandable - but that still doesn't mean you have to put your own distress aside in order to look after him. Severe mental illness (which this sounds like it could be) needs proper professional help: you can't fix it with love and kindness and patience alone. Speak to the GP and your DP's family/friends if he won't do so himself - and look for friends or family members who can support you while all this is going on.

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