To not want to babysit a stranger's child on a train journey?

[madamedesevigne]

I was on a train earlier today, a man got on with three young children. He sat down with his two younger children (one was a baby, the other a little older- about three) and the eldest child, a girl, walked up the aisle a bit and asked to sit next to me, and started chatting, she wanted to know how my bag fastening worked, so I showed her, expecting that her dad would call her to come back and sit with him.

Except...he didn't. And then she asked if I had things to draw with, so I got out a pen and some paper and helped her draw stuff, all the time desperately trying to catch her dad's eye for him to call her away. He made eye contact with me s couple of times but didn't do anything. She was a very nice little girl and I didn't want to upset her but at the same time I just wanted some peace and quiet on my train journey and not to be used as free babysitting by someone I don't even know. Then her little brother wanted to join in and started crying when she wouldn't let him. Finally, she started wanting to go through my handbag and play with my phone, headphones etc (I told her no) but I just couldn't take any more so I pretended I had to get off the train but just moved carriages instead.

AIBU or is this very strange behaviour on the part of the dad?

You were lucky to get on a train at all today. Count your blessings!

Oh dear, I wondered for a minute whether you were the nice lady on my train last week then! We had a loooooong journey and towards the end my youngest was getting bored and she took a shine to a couple sitting near us, the lovely lady chatted with her and showed her some pictures of a dog on her phone. In my defence i did try to get her to come and sit with me (but not very hard, admittedly) and at the end of the journey I thanked the lady for chatting to my daughter.

But maybe inside she was feeling just like you, OP! I kinda assumed as she was getting stuff out to show DD that she didn't mind - or she would have just ignored her. But I am doubting myself now! Ah well, took the pressure off me for a bit!!

That's true. There's room for kindness all round really, you're right. I hope you're ok.

Aw, but at least you tried, and thanked the lady at the end of the journey! The guy didn't acknowledge me at all, I think that's what bothered me about it. But it's true that he could have had stuff going on that I didn't know about. And now I know how to draw a naughty rabbit

I'm sure you are actually living my experience through an erm, time aberration worm hole type thang.

These two mothers did not give a shiny shite. You did a good thing OP and I bet every fellow passenger thanked you, even if you didn't know it AND they didn't know it.

But fuck me, why would you let your child run amok to be entertained by strangers? It just seems bizarre. And it's only becaiEnid had an amazing day and was in and amazing mood I indulged the two, normally is have ignored them at best.

A gift?! I certainly wouldn't consider it a gift to look after someone else's child for 40 minutes on a train, and by the sound of it neither did the OP.

I do think it's polite to check someone is ok with entertaining your child. I am awkward around other people's children so I would have felt uncomfortable in that situation.

Dd (4) is rather forward and I could see her doing similar.

When she latches on to people, I ask them if they are happy playing with her. If they said no, or if she was misbehaving, I would immediately remove her.

It sounds like this child was pleasant, and just interested in you. As you were engaging with her, the father must have thought you were happy spending time with her. Lots of people like children!

I think over all yabu for not gently directing her back to her father if you didn't want to play.

He should've checked it was ok but he was juggling two small children at the time. You chatted and got out paper and pen and helped her draw, so it must've seemed like you were ok with it. If you weren't you should've swished her or at least not got into the drawing with her.

I like the idea of it being a gift for both of you though.

I like the thought that she was happy and confident enough to approach you and chat with you, however the Dad could've used it as an opportunity to have the stranger danger chat with her - I'm sure you're lovely OP but realistically, to that child, you were a complete stranger.

Oh no don't start the stranger danger thing.

Current teaching is that teaching stranger danger is actually dangerous. How do you define stranger? The person who says hello every day on the way to school, is he a stranger? The school caretaker? The van driver who tells you his name and knows yours and tells you daddy told him to collect you?

Much better to teach them never to go anywhere, with anyone unless with direct permission from a parent. The child on the train was in full view of her parent and perfectly safe, even if OP wasn't lovely.

YWBU. I don't think a parent should have to police every interaction their child has with someone else because some people's social skills don't stretch to saying, one way or another, "no".

I'd always call mine back if they did that, mostly because I don't want them wandering around the carriage and disappearing! They never have though.

I think what you did was really nice, you helped a dad who was probably knackered
What I have a problem with is him not acknowledge or even thanking you
That was a bit sly so yanbu