Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that Plenty of Fish is not the place to go looking for a long term relationship

52 replies

vulgarbunting · 31/08/2015 17:38

Let me pre empt this by saying that I know there will be odd exceptions where people have found long term significant others and had happy relationships through POF.

However, as we move into our 30s and embrace Internet dating, several of my friends, intelligent women who I know are not just after sex, are using POF. Which would be fine if I didn't then have a weekly stream of unhappy texts about horrendous guys they met up with who just wanted sex. When I query the decision to use this particular website, and ask whether it may be better to use one where the name doesn't imply shagging as many people as possible, they reject that as the reason why they aren't meeting 'the one'.

I've lost all sympathy and just can't put up with their moaning any longer! Ahhh!

OP posts:
CheeseAndBeans · 31/08/2015 22:53

I also met my DP on POF. We have been together 4 years, have a 1year old and are engaged.
I did have to sort through the weirdos and blokes that just sent cock pictures though. Went on a few terrible dates prior to meeting DP too.

JustMeAndHim · 31/08/2015 23:02

I met my DH on POF so not all bad! You do have to sort through the shit though. One guy emailed me saying "I will lick you hard". Nothing else Hmm - there is a block button though and I made very good use of it.

To counter this I also paid for a short time for match and eharmony and didn't meet anyone on there. In fact they seemed a bit like it was a forgone conclusion we'd get on and be together because we'd been matched.

I do think it's kind of luck of the draw tbh!

Littlebigcat · 31/08/2015 23:09

I met my DH on pof though I believe I was his first and last online date (not sure whether he was very lucky to find me or not very picky, thankfully he says the former). Had tried match and guardian dating and had many strange messages on there too and decided it wasn't worth the money.

isseywithcats · 31/08/2015 23:30

i met my DP on POF we have been living together for the last 6 months and i wouldnt call a university lecturer with a PHD the dregs of society you just have to be savvy like you would in real life a twat in real life will be a twat online

Dowser · 31/08/2015 23:34

POF seems like the place to be. I met my oh 7 years ago on POF. He was my second date and I was his third.

We would never have met in real life as we are not from the same town.

We get married in just over 2 weeks too. He's lovely. We communicated for about 6 weeks before we met up so had lots to talk about when we finally did.

We go from strength to strength and I couldn't be happier.

In fact yesterday should have been my 40 th wedding anniversary had my husband not cheated.

I'm so much happier now .

Dowser · 31/08/2015 23:35

My man has a degree and had his own computer company when we met. Again hardly the dregs!

scatterthenuns · 31/08/2015 23:36

I think that in order to get around the just shaggers, you need to pay a membership to a site.

Dowser · 31/08/2015 23:37

That's 18 up to me met on POF or know of people happily settled with a partner from there.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 01/09/2015 04:36

Scatters: that's rubbish in my experience. Men who have paid for a site seem to expect sex more, they want something back for the money they've put in.

YouMakeMyDreams · 01/09/2015 06:54

Dowser been seeing you mention your wedding what date is it? Did you find another dress?

BitOutOfPractice · 01/09/2015 06:59

I was on POF for 6 months. Met loads of lovely men. Including my current very lovely BF. So I think yabvvu

Aqualady · 01/09/2015 07:02

You tend to to get more weirdo and creeps on Free dating sites like PoF.

BIL is/was also in there whilst married.

Coolforthesummer · 01/09/2015 07:04

A lot of the men on PoF in my area are on Match too! And probably multiple other dating websites as well.

I think it's a myth that men on PoF just want a shag. You would be surprised how many are not out for that, rather their 'soulmate', 'someone to marry,' their 'princess.'

I have used it on and off for a few years and never received a cockshot and never received an unpleasant message. A few odd ones yes, like the man who offered to be my slave. I asked what that entailed. He said, carrying my bags, washing up and massaging my feet.

I did meet someone and it lasted a year. He was definitely looking for a committed relationship.

Coolforthesummer · 01/09/2015 07:05

All these posters who have met someone decent are not exceptions so YABU!

maras2 · 01/09/2015 08:02

I know nothing about OLD but my son met his (now) wife on POF 5 years ago.They have been married for a year now and are extremely happy with a 2 year old daughter.

MrsMoggy · 01/09/2015 09:17

I met my husband on there. As others have said you just wade through the idiots until you find someone that fits. We've been together 7 years and have a 3 year old. Since then two friends have found their long term partners on there and are living together/engaged

Fairylea · 01/09/2015 09:27

I met dh on plenty of fish. We've been married 5 years now and have a 3 year old son (I also have a 12 year old from my first marriage).

My sil met her oh on plenty of fish too. She was a single mum of 2 and her and her oh have now been together 4 years and have an 8 month old.

My mum meets her boyfriends through there. She is 66 and enjoys dating. Isn't looking to settle down though (!)

The thing with pof is its free. Of course by mere statistics it's going to have a lot of twats on it. You just need to be brutal and block and delete A LOT. But it can, and does, work a lot too. Just be careful and meet for a daytime coffee first so you can escape easily! (Dh and I met for a quick coffee and ended up talking for 4 hours. ..!!)

ScarletRuby · 01/09/2015 09:49

I did find POF the most amusing but then again I am amused by people proposing 'water-sports' but yes completely useless.

However I did meet DP on Tinder.

ephemeralfairy · 01/09/2015 13:08

Hmm. I was on PoF for a couple of years on and off. I had a LOT of hook-ups (which was what I wanted)...and then I met my DP of 3 years, when I wasn't really looking. Yes, there are a lot of chancers sending dick pics. But I was on My Single Friend for a while and it was just as bad, but in a different way. Lots of men with baggage, very over-invested, very angsty.

You just have to filter, and keep an open mind and a thick skin!

travellinglighter · 01/09/2015 19:30

So YABU. Thank god, there is hope for a slim, sane, solvent male with a head like a melted welly. I’m so relieved.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 01/09/2015 20:34

Plenty of Freaks, IME

abigamarone · 01/09/2015 21:01

There are more chancers and timewasters on POF, yes. That's because there are far more people on there than any other site.
I've used it off and on, and while I've received the odd weird message (out of hundreds) I've never had a cock shot.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/09/2015 21:11

It's not the site it's the men. There are dicks on every dating site. I am on tinder and I have met several nice guys. Nobody I want to be with long term but normal guys looking for a relationship.

Oysterbabe · 01/09/2015 21:14

I was on there a while and had quite a few decent dates. Met my DH on match though.

Trills · 01/09/2015 21:41

travelinglighter I don't think I want to know what you men by "a head like a melted welly",do I?

Originally I thought you'd written "melted willy", but I'm not sure if melted welly is any better.

What?