to want to leave my dh??!!

[wibbleywee]

Today was meant to be my lie in, first in 3 weeks, my dh slept in a diff room but failed to hear/attend to the baby quickly enough (despite the monitor) so the baby wakes the toddler. After a shout in the middle of the bedroom (normal for him) he is lying down trying to get the toddler back to sleep while i have fed and changed the baby who is wide awake singing to himself next to me in bed. He spent most of yesterday asleep as he was hungover only looking after the baby for 90 mins while I napped. He has informed me he is going back to sleep later this morning so looks like I am on my own again with them and its raining so cant go to the park and my 2yr old will go bonkers if he has to stay in all morning, everyone else busy so noone around to meet up with. I am on maternity so home with children, dh has his own business which takes up every breathing moment of his life so I do everything on my own, so sick of it, i sit on my own every night as he works and im lucky if I can get him to do something with the children once a week. He however expects me to be grateful as he makes us very financially comfortable ????????

Ok, it's a tough one and I have a similar situation myself (although dh would always try his best to give us any spare moment he has and wouldn't assume he can sleep while I mind the kids again). I think you shouldn't have gotten up to the baby. Roll over and ignore if it's your lie in day. I always get annoyed too because he leaves them (toddler and baby, same as you) so long I'm wide awake. But instead of mucking in, stay in bed anyway and enjoy no having to do the drudgery. Take them both to soft play or to a big shopping centre to get out. You may have to do it on your own but getting out is infinitely better than saying in and you get to see your little ones and spend time with them which is nice even if sometimes it's hard to remember that. The baby should nap in buggy and toddler can go on a ride thing in the shopping centre and you can go get coffee and cake together. Just know this. Every month that passes, your toddler will get easier. Mine suddenly became a person at 2.5 rather than a toddler needing careful management at all times. This really tough 'baby stage' will pass so suddenly before you know it. Your hubby works hard for you but should still be kind and should feel bad not to spend more time with you. If you have the money, USE IT! And make your life easier by paying for some nursery for toddler and a cleaner etc. So that you can free up more time for yourself and reduce your stress and resentment. You don't have to do it all alone everyone even if dh is working all the time.

As above - use the money to make it easier and to make friends.

Baby and toddler is an exhausting stage and it does get better. My dh takes medication that makes his very sleepy so I did almost all mornings etc (though toddler would crawl in bed with daddy whilst I climbed into bed with baby). I was so tired.

You can get out in the rain- get some decent waterproofs for everyone and go puddle splashing, head to a big shopping centre and make an adventure then snuggle up at home or a cafe with a hot chocolate.

And definitely get a cleaner if you can afford it. We only get one fortnightly but it's nice knowing that the house won't descend into a pit.

Have you spoken calmly to dh about this? Could he schedule in 'date nights' so you can feel like a couple. It's really hard from both sides as you both feel like you're giving all you can.

In the short term, can you point out that, since he didn't deal with the baby this morning, he is no longer going back to sleep later and you are going out on your own?

I don't think this grounds for launching yourself into single parenthood, that's bloody hard work too. And the kids will miss their dad?

I do think you sound thoroughly fed up and at the end of your tether. I do know that feeling, my own dh for years when the kids were little used to lie in late every day, didn't work as hard as your dh seems to, and we weren't comfortable financially. A few rows later and we have a much more equal balance, I went back to work, we are more comfortable

Perhaps you need to have a bloody good row, let him know how your feeling, then talk through it more calmly looking for compromises (on both sides perhaps?, give a bit, take a bit?)

Posted before I had finished typing...

I would say no to him going back to sleep today, get out of the house on your own and leave him to it. Unless he is mentally unstable or cares nothing for your children they will be just fine.

Go and work out what you would like at home to change, what your dh needs to do more of/less of, what impact that will have on his work or social life and how he is likely to react to that. What can you offer in return? What frustrations might he be having with your married life at the moment? Be honest with yourself? Is there anything you can do about that? Will changes to his support to you with the childcare have positive benefits for him - be ready to vocalise the benefits to him (sell him your ideas!)

Also, use the money to give yourself a break, a cleaner, a gym with a crèche facility, some childcare hours each week?

Be kind to yourself, the early years are very tough, it will get better.

Go dump the baby with him and inform him you'll be sleeping in and are not to be disturbed, so you expect him to either entertain the children quietly or take them out for the day. See, you can demand too!

Then after today sit down and talk together about how to fairly split your time with the kids/time off. Cause it sounds out of kilter right now.