To just want these fucking holidays to end now.

[ComeOnSeptember]

I know it shouldn't be this hard, but I've had enough.

I gave up cleaning the house after the second week when I realised that every fucking time I tidy/clean it's a mess again.

I'm fed up. My house is a tip. I'm waiting for them to fuck off back to school and nursery so I can do something about it. I seriously think I'm having some kind of mental breakdown. I'm always angry/sad/anxious. Every day I have a worried type lump in my throat. My heart feels heavy. I'm shouting at them every time they make a mess/fight/scream. I can't even look the older one in the eye for a conversation.

They're 8, 3 and 2. I'm such a shit mother. Why can't I be calm with calm children? I hate my fucking voice.

Please don't ask about the husband. This is another on-going problem.
I wish I could just run away.

Big hugs to you. I'm sure you're not shit at all.

Could you make the kids help you tidy tomorrow? Put some music on, make it into a game?

What would make you feel better? Getting out with the kids? Seeing a friend when they're in bed?

Am sure your relationship with your h is not helping... Tell us about it. Maybe we can help.

Maybe you owe it to your children to sort out whatever the problem is with your dh. If you are miserable, there's a good chance they are too.

That sounds tough. Are things ok when they are all at school? How do you feel generally? It is bloody bloody hard work. Have you had any time to yourself at all over the holidays?

Op I think I actually lost the plot last holidays. Theres more to this than the holidays, yiu need to sort out dh problems.

Can you attempt a clean up, you'll feel better.

I've been you, the house won't fall down if you don't hoover for a couple of days, spend as much time out of it as you can, it was the only thing that worked for me.

Just ltb and relish your children.

I don't think they're miserable. They're always laughing and playing oblivious to anything. The older 2 are always playing role playing games like schools and shops. The 2 yr old also joins in however she can. What should I look out for if they're being affected by this? ...I feel like such a failure.

It feels like dh and I aren't on the same page in life. What I think is important, he doesn't. I do a majority of all the house work, school run, grocery shopping, bills, car (because he doesn't drive)...it's too much. He doesn't understand how much I do. The housework suffers for it. Some days I don't bother at all but I know that when they're at school and nursery I keep on top of it because of routine. Even still, I'd like him to help more. I wish he'd understand.

why doesn't he drive?

Yes I do feel constantly let down. But it's not like he goes off to do hobbies or out with friends. He's literally working all the time. He's been having to cook the past few days he was home off work and he made a comment about how he has to worry about making meals on his days off . So I told him a list of things I have to do and things that inevitably suffer when I do those things. Cooking dinner wasn't on my list of priorities today or any day when he's at home and I know he'll cover it. The light wasn't working and he tried to fix it twice and gave up swearing and got pissed off, so I spent the afternoon doing it myself, whilst he cooked.

He just doesn't get it. I've told him several times I'm struggling. He helps once or twice and then nothing. I don't think he washed dishes in about 4 months until this week. It doesn't get through to his head what my problem is.

When the house is a mess I can't help but shout at the kids. I remain calm during school because I have the day to regroup.

what do I have to do to make my husband understand? I don't understand how someone can choose to turn a blind eye at their partner struggling. I've been thinking more and more about leaving him but maybe this is a glitch? If he started helping more I wouldn't think like that.

In don't know why he doesn't drive. Because he's an arsehole?

So really the problem is dh and not the dc. The only thing you can do is talk to him, as calmly and neutrally as you can. I wish you luck.

I seriously think I'm having some kind of mental breakdown. I'm always angry/sad/anxious. Every day I have a worried type lump in my throat

i think you might benefit from a chat with your HV or GP, as you sound depressed to me. It is not normal or OK to put up with being anxious/sad/angry/worried ALL THE TIME.

Have you a friend or relative who can have the DC for a day to give you some peace?

Maybe tell your h if things carry on like this then you will leave? Make a list of all the things you do and what he does, and ask him what he thinks? Get him to Choose what chores to do and get him to stick to it?

Easier said than done, I know...

You should chat with your GP about this. The kids drive everyone a bit to the edge during the holidays but this sounds like more than that.

Your husband sounds like a dick to be frank. Are you happy to continue this relationship? What are you getting out of it? You and your little ones deserve better than this.

I'm with you on the house thing, what normally doesn't bother me sends me off the fucking chart when the house is a mess, it really bothers me and sounds like it bothers you too. This is going to sound sooooo trite but a good clean up really will make you feel better. A good declutter always makes me feel more in control too.

Have some and a from me :)