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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel offended

24 replies

PinkyPinky1234 · 30/08/2015 02:10

So I was out with a group of girls tonight. I know them through a mutual friend. So
I have been making an effort with them the last few times we have been out together. Tonight one of the girls says to me.... We didn't like you at first but now we really like you.....I do feel hurt. I thought they
Liked me now I think they were tolerating me

OP posts:

maras2 · 30/08/2015 02:20

Cheeky cow.Sounds like she needs a new group of friends not you.

HirplesWithHaggis · 30/08/2015 02:47

Yes, they were tolerating you until they decided they like you. Now, what, they won't tolerate you? Because they like you?

Go to bed, Pinky, you are waaaaaaaaaay overthinking things.

darksideofthemooncup · 30/08/2015 02:52

I understand why you feel hurt but I bet it wasn't meant to make you feel bad. Was drink taken?

WanderingTrolley1 · 30/08/2015 02:55

Yanbu to feel that way.

Her comment was unnecessary.

coveredinsnot · 30/08/2015 02:59

It's a very barbed comment and I think it would make most people question previous interactions. She sounds as though she was pissed and is probably quite insensitive anyway to come out with something like that. It would feed into my insecurity but to b honest I think ultimately she was saying "we like you" so hold on to that bit if you can! But yanbu for being upset about it.

Squooshed · 30/08/2015 03:05

It was clumsily done but she's telling you she really likes you.

Maybe your personalities didn't gel to begin with. Don't we all know people we didn't initially like and then grow to be fond of? (although hopefully didn't tell them this)

daisychain01 · 30/08/2015 06:11

Sounds like something a 5 year old would say!

Tangoandcreditcards · 30/08/2015 07:13

Ha. Loads of people have said that to me over the years one way or another. I'd take it as a compliment, don't overthink it.

Eebahgum · 30/08/2015 07:15

I'm guessing by the time of your post there was alcohol involved? I also think she was trying to be nice although she did it in a clumsy way.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 30/08/2015 07:19

One of my best friends said this to me, and she really is one of my best friends just in the getting to know each other stage we didn't really like each other very much. It was only through time and talking that we realised we had more in common than any of our other friends. So yes I agree with the PP who said she's trying to tell you she really likes you. You just didn't click straight away and thats ok.

I can see why your hurt but it really is a compliment.

Original poster

PinkyPinky1234 · 30/08/2015 07:29

She was tipsy. I was sober with the car. I should take it for what it is eh!

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/08/2015 07:42

It is a compliment but it's still quite hurtful. How old are you and your friends?

carabos · 30/08/2015 07:50

She doesn't mean we didn't like you at first, she means she didn't like you. There's a world of difference. And telling you is a power trip. I'd give her a swerve if I were you. Really cba with people like that.

Original poster

PinkyPinky1234 · 30/08/2015 08:18

I'm late 20's. She's about mid 30's. Slightly older but not too much.

When she said we I got thinking if the others in the group feel the same. Like someone said above - over thinking it. I'm not sure why I care so much. Normally I just let things go over my head but I got home last night and I was thinking of my interactions with the others in that group arghh!! Must get over it. Funny how one comment can get under skin. It just seems like school!!

OP posts:

CalmYourselfTubbs · 30/08/2015 09:07

YANBU to feel hurt.
she sounds like an eejit.
don't say anything and let it go, but i would be wary of her in future.
you are a nice person. unfortunately though, some people just are not nice.

RufusTheReindeer · 30/08/2015 09:11

I agree with most of the others

She is not speaking for the whole group, she didnt like you at first but now she does

I think it hapoens all the time but people aren't usually stupid or drunk enough to actually say it out loud

Birdsgottafly · 30/08/2015 09:32

I think we've all met people that we could say the same about, or gone on to not like them.

""I have been making an effort with them the last few times we have been out together.""

It depends on what that means, tbh. If you were standoffish, negative etc, at first, then her comment is fair. If you all actually get along, you should need to make an effort, unless your overcoming a character flaw.

ihateminecraft · 30/08/2015 09:36

I said that to someone once. It was true, I really disliked her at first. She was the new girlfriend of DH'S best mate. It didn't help that his previous girlfriend was a close friend of mine but she really wasn't my cup of tea. I got to know her better as time passed and grew to really like her. She ended up marrying DH'S friend. 20 years later she is one of my closest friends. She now lives at the other end of the country but we're still in constant contact. Haven't spoken to my other friend for years......

JawannaDrink · 30/08/2015 09:38

I don't see the problem. Lots of people take time to grow on you.

Original poster

PinkyPinky1234 · 30/08/2015 09:42

When I say making an effort I just mean to get to know them as they are my friends other friends if that makes sense.

I totally agree there are a few people at first I didn't really take too and then became good friends in every day life. It's just you don't normally tell the person that haha!

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkyPinky1234 · 30/08/2015 09:44

I am quite a chatty person and when I have had a few wines I get even more chattier so perhaps this other person just didn't know how to take that and I can accept that. I think I just worry what the others now think as I thought we got on well... .... See still over thinking it haha!!

OP posts:

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 30/08/2015 09:50

Aw, not a nice thing to hear but, firstly, when she said "we", she probably just meant "me", so I wouldn't assume anything about how the rest of the group feel about you. And secondly, even though she expressed herself badly, the sentiment is still good. I sometimes have the social skills of a goat, and that sounds like the kind of things I might say, only meaning "I really like you" but not realising until it came out of my mouth how unkind it could sound!

DanglyEarrings · 30/08/2015 11:54

I think it was a rather arrogant assumption on her part that she could speak for the group in this condescending way 'we' didn't like you now 'we' do.

It's smacks of a power trip to me, just to let you know that she gets to decide if 'we' find you acceptable or not.

She doesn't, each member of this friendship group are free to form their own opinions and express how they feel as individuals, if you are at all close to another person I would mention it and how it made you feel a bit weird that you had been hanging out with people you assumed to be friends but now this person has informed you otherwise until recently. I bet they will reassure you she is not speaking for the group and be a bit annoyed with her for speaking for them like that.

Fluffyears · 30/08/2015 13:34

I would take it as a compliment (clumsily put) I love my best friend to bits but I hated her when we first met. We then had a chat once at work which was really nice then she invited me round for a girly night with DVDs and we bonded. She is the best friend anyone ever could have and I'm so glad I got past how I felt about her.

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