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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no leaving card or present

35 replies

StillFrankie · 29/08/2015 22:49

I've been promoted within my company, its a large company with offices all over. I'm moving from my current office to HQ in the city. Its a role I've been waiting to come up for ages and I'm very excited about it.

My colleagues in my current job haven't been too nice though. A few of them said 'congrats', 'well done', but the majority haven't said a thing. I've had more silence of snide comments than congrats TBH. For example:

team leader: I'm going to have to find someone to take on all your responsibilities, as if I didn't have enough to do

colleague 1: you need to start clearing your desk (this was when I still had a month to go before starting)

colleague 2: were you the only candidate?

colleague 3: when do you finish? (keeps asking me even though I've told her, like she's making a point?)

Quite a number of people have left that office. Not because of bullying or anything like that, they've either been promoted or requested a transfer to somewhere closer to home.

My issue is that when each of these people have left, they got leaving cards, leaving presents, balloons attached to desk, banners across their computer, a leaving lunch or night out arranged, one of them got f*cking LOADS of presents and a poem read out about how wonderful she is.

What do I get? sweet f*ck all. Not a card. Not a leaving present. Nothing.

I know I'm still within the company but so are all the above colleagues so that's not really an excuse.

I honestly do not think I have done anything to upset anyone. I thought we got on okay but in the past year, even before this promotion came up, one or two colleagues in particular have made me feel uncomfortable, just nit picking, patronising etc.

In my head I'm imagining sending a "thanks for the leaving present" card. I may one day return to that office and I don't want to return to such behaviour.

AIBU to be angry and upset?

OP posts:
Yourethe1formefatty · 29/08/2015 22:55

YANBU but it sounds like pure jealousy and spite.

Please don't allow it to rattle or affect you, though i know that is easier said than done sometimes!

Clobbered · 29/08/2015 22:57

YANBU to feel that way, but honestly, you just have to rise above it and leave there with your head held high. Remember you are the one that's going to get away! Your current colleagues are probably eaten up with jealousy.
Maybe you haven't upset anyone, but perhaps you weren't particularly friendly either - or maybe you never socialised with your workmates, so they don't look on you as a friend? Are you bothered, actually?

Skiptonlass · 29/08/2015 23:05

Spite and jealousy indeed.

I once left a job for a much better, much higher paid post. The vitriol was incredible. One cat's-bum-face witch I 'overheard' ( she wasn't even trying to be quiet) saying 'why the fuck has she got that job?' No leaving card, no congratulations, nowt.

Smile, be impeccably professional and do nothing. Don't make any big gestures, just be polite and leave with your reputation intact. Most industries are small worlds so it never does to burn bridges. Congrats on the promotion!

thefourgp · 29/08/2015 23:05

No yanbu, it's crap feeling unappreciated at work but I think it's inevitable when you work for a large company. People who have a fuss made of them usually do because someone they're friends with at work organises it and puts in the effort required. It does sound like they've been thoughtless and a few have been a bit arsey but please don't think it means they've all been intentionally horrible to you. People get so caught up with their own stuff at work. With so many staff coming and going they just don't realise the importance of the occasion for the one who's leaving. Well done on the new job. Don't burn bridges, you might regret it. FlowersSmile

Original poster
StillFrankie · 29/08/2015 23:05

I have disabilities so yes I don't really socialise as I can't really...its not my fault. I get extra help in work. I just feel sad that they maybe have an issue with that.

My DH suggested maybe they feel I got the job out of pity when actually the interviewer told me I was the best person she'd ever interviewed (they don't know she said that though!)

Furthermore, members of my family have had senior positions within the company but they all left 6 years ago, I'm the only person left, but there are some senior managers who have known me a long time.

That's not why I got the job though, my new team have never met me before. I'm bloody qualified and experienced for the job but I just wonder if the above are reasons for them having issues with me.

God I hope I haven't outed myself now :(

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 29/08/2015 23:17

"Quite a number of people have left that office. Not because of bullying or anything like that, they've either been promoted or requested a transfer to somewhere closer to home."
And now you're leaving, having been promoted. Could those 'left behind' be feeling overlooked, and a bit bitter about it boot?

MudCity · 29/08/2015 23:20

Sorry to read about your experience....it's not easy to be working in that kind of atmosphere and it is mean of them not to acknowledge that you are leaving the office, even if they simply wished you well.

Sounds like you are well shot of them though. You can start afresh in your new job with new people. Congratulations!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2015 23:49

They sound jealous and envious, your well shot of them. You deserved that job.

starfishmummy · 29/08/2015 23:52

Having just been on the receiving end of a bunch of supermarket flowers (and just a bog standard three or four quid bunch) after over 15 years with my employer........yanbu!!

Tiggeryoubastard · 29/08/2015 23:53

What do you mean by get extra help in work?

iwantgin · 30/08/2015 00:07

Ignore and move on.

Well done on your promotion.

daisychain01 · 30/08/2015 06:18

Well done on getting team job! You have the best outcome, moving to a better job in a different office and escaping from that lot (no loss!)

I'd just smile to yourself at the fact they are all so pissed off at your success they can't hide their envy Grin

daisychain01 · 30/08/2015 06:19

Oops typo the job

Chottie · 30/08/2015 06:29

Congratulations on your new job and promotion :)

I agree with PP, rise above it, smile and be gracious.

If I were you, I would treat myself to a special bunch of flowers Flowers

junebirthdaygirl · 30/08/2015 08:12

Have you actually left yet? Sounds like you're still there so it all may still happen on last day. Were you the person who organised the leaving stuff for others and now they are lacking an organiser? If you are already gone it's horrible. I have someone in extended family who needed little things changed in work due to disability and others seriously resented it and we're totally horrible to her. Nasty people. I hope you love your new job..Good on you for promotion.

GoblinLittleOwl · 30/08/2015 09:45

'In my head I'm imagining sending a "thanks for the leaving present" card. I may one day return to that office and I don't want to return to such behaviour.'

Don't do it.

Be nice to people on your way up because you may meet them on your way down.
Bring in cakes or whatever on your leaving day, then sweep out on a moral high.

Rachel0Greep · 30/08/2015 10:02

Congrats on the new job.
Leave with your head high, and don't engage with any of the stuff you have heard. Buy yourself something nice as a reward for getting the job. Flowers

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 10:03

You havnt left yet so maybe a card and present is to come however you said you get extra help some people are spiteful about this which is no concern of yours move on to your new job and dont give them a second thought

FuckOffJeffrey · 30/08/2015 10:22

I feel for you OP, I know what it's like to be excluded from the office traditions of cards etc. It happened to me when I went on Maternity leave. The three people that had gone off on maternity leave before me got cards and we all chipped in for a gift for the baby but when it was my turn I got nothing, not even a congratulations card when the baby was born.

To me they sound jealous of your promotion or maybe you just don't click as people and they don't feel the need to get you anything. They might still get you something or at least give you a card on your last day but I think it would be best not to hold out much hope for it.

pluck · 30/08/2015 10:37

Well, given the way they've reacted to your promotion, it would have been very hypocritical of them to have given you a card/ leaving present!

However, they will continue being left behind! No wonder Quite a number of people have left that office. Not because of bullying or anything like that, they've either been promoted or requested a transfer to somewhere closer to home. And even if it wasn't bullying, it sounds as though they're not nice to work with!

Original poster
StillFrankie · 30/08/2015 11:27

I haven't started my new role yet but I have taken some leave so I'm unlikely to be back in before I start if that makes sense. So last week was effectively my last week in that office, unless my start date changes.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 30/08/2015 11:44

I think of big leaving dos with presents as mainly being for people who retire. To me leaving because you are promoted is different, you aren't really leaving you're being promoted and getting a better job. You'll be earning more than the people you're wanting to buy you stuff. It doesn't sound as though you like them anyway so they won't be buying you stuff because you're sad to all leave each other.

RaspberryOverload · 30/08/2015 12:32

Quite a number of people have left that office. Not because of bullying or anything like that, they've either been promoted or requested a transfer to somewhere closer to home

My guess is these people that left didn't like the atmosphere so made a quiet effort to move away without making a drama about it.

I left another job where I'd been bullied, and officially I told people I was working closer to home, etc, etc, but my current job is about the same distance away. I just wanted shot of that other place.

2rebecca · 30/08/2015 13:07

Maybe it wasn't clear to the other folk that you have had your last date then. In August people are often busy and preoccupied with hildays etc so if people know you're starting a job some time next month it may be that no-one has realised you'll be on leave until then. If someone leaves from my office they usually arrange to go out with other people from the office and bring in a cake or something on their last day as the person who is leaving usually knows when their last day is better than anyone else.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/08/2015 13:14

Well, either they're jealous or they don't like you. We strangers can have no idea which.