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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel so bloody boring

14 replies

thefourgp · 29/08/2015 22:49

I know i have it good (2 healthy kids, happy relationship, nice home etc) but there's times like tonight that I feel so bloody boring. We have two young children (3 and 4) and very little help with them so getting out is few and far between. I used to have hobbies and socialised lots but since having the kids I feel quite isolated. I'm not looking for suggestions to change my circumstances. I do my best to keep in contact with friends and see them when i can (my three closest friends don't have kids and those who do tend to have older children and more support from family) My husband isn't as sociable as me but I wouldn't change my life. I love my wee family to the moon and back, I just sometimes miss having time to myself and more freedom. I know it'll change as they get older and I'll crave for the days they were my little sweet excitable babies. Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:

hesterton · 29/08/2015 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 29/08/2015 22:59

Well life with small children is a bit boring. In the sense that you don't go out much and it is quite routine.

I bet you have interests and there's still a spark of "life before kids" in you.

I'm the same. Don't go out, don't "do" much but I try to still learn about things that interest me eg. Science and politics.

Tell us a bit about what interests you

Fatmomma99 · 30/08/2015 02:06

Sorry to say this, but they WILL grow away and you WILL look back on this and feel sad you didn't make more if it (or is that just me???)

The good news is that at their ages they will very soon start making their own choices about friends, and that will naturally introduce you to other parents. There will be PTAs, etc (don't laugh - there's a whole social life there). Go with it and it will all be there for you - good luck!

Chottie · 30/08/2015 06:32

I'm just wondering which hobbies you had, which you can't do now? It's important to keep your own interests going :)

nephrofox · 30/08/2015 06:40

I completely sympathise

I have 2.5yo and 4 month old and often life is a treadmill. I have a great social life with the kids fie days out etc , but my pre-child self feels missing

I used to run, bike etc. Spend all weekend climbing mountains with friends. Or go out drinking & dancing. None of that seems remotely possible now. Added problem there is I'm struggling to shift the baby weight too.

I don't know what the answer is . I suspect some free time helps, but you can't magic family support up can you! My DH likes to think he pulls his weight but in reality he isn't come before bedtime most nights, then there's still dinner & tidying to be done.

WhatamessIgotinto · 30/08/2015 06:57

Oh I felt like this too. I felt that life was lovely but all about picking up toys, standing on Lego and In the bloody Night Garden. Now DD is 9 and DS is 11 so still children and amazing with it. They're growing independent and I was thinking the other day how nice it was to pop out without leaving DH with a long list of things I was worried about (god forbid DCs sandwiches would be cut the wrong way. But I also yearn for them to be tiny again. For DS to climb into bed for snuggles when he was about 3 or DD to shriek with excitement at the sight of Iggle Piggle. I know its ridiculous but that's how I feel; it felt so safe. Now I worry about DS going to the park, bullying, pressure at school etc etc. Enjoy every moment of this time because it'll fly by.

MaddyinaPaddy · 30/08/2015 07:26

Yanbu. Children improve with age. Some people like the pre school stave best, but most don't!!

Lilaclily · 30/08/2015 07:29

Ages 3 & 4 mean they'll be off to preschool / school soon and you'll be able to bike / run for at least some of the day unless you work ?
Why don't you do that when dh comes home in the evenings ?
Will he stay at home some saturday nights so you can still meet friends fir a dance & a drink ?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/08/2015 08:16

Do you drive? Either you or DH?

If so, have a spare everything always packed in the car. Pack of nappies and spare clothes. Emergency packet snacks that won't go off in a few days. Cartons of ready made milk if baby has formula.

Pram with decent off-road tyres.

And do some low-level walking as a family. Invite a friend from before who would enjoy a slower walk. It will help with baby-tummy! And getting the dcs to grow up loving walking outside can't be a bad thing...

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/08/2015 08:17

Sorry, I thought one was 4 months! Stupid small screen.

In that case, pack decent boots and scruffy trousers all round!

Original poster

thefourgp · 30/08/2015 10:04

Sorry for the delay in coming back. I drive but husband doesn't. I work during the day while husband watches kids then we swap and he works evenings/nights. He's happy to watch the kids once or twice a month while I go out but I miss socialising as a couple too. I try to go walking regularly with the kids whycantiusethenameiwant but probably don't do it enough. I used to take dance classes, play badminton, was quite into photography, ate out a lot, read a fair bit, spent a year taking martial arts classes which I loved but it requires a certain level of fitness and dedication that I don't have the time for right now. Nephrofox I think your husband sounds a bit like mine. He thinks he does a lot because he watches the kids during the day but he doesn't. E.g. I still make all the meals, do all the shopping, cleaning, washing etc. I'm not complaining, it's how he is and despite the odd moan I accept this. He's very affectionate, funny, responsible with the kids, works hard at his work etc. I'm going to try walking/reading more and getting up earlier to go for a jog before the rest of the house wakes up. Thanks for the comments. X

OP posts:

JawannaDrink · 30/08/2015 10:12

Get a babysitter.

CremeEggThief · 30/08/2015 10:18

Your DH should be doing half of all chores, especially if he's home in the day.

Ripeningapples · 30/08/2015 10:20

You're doing the hard yards right now. You will look back on them as halcyon days. Fast forward 12/13 years and you will be sitting at the top of the stairs at 3am waiting for your 16 to come through the door bracing yourself for the slanging match. A few days later your 17 year old will come home with a piercing and you will quietly want to have a little cry.

Enjoy these days - they go awfully fast. Make a little time for yourselves even if it's only a glass of wine each, candle lit, at the kitchen table for an hour but an hour for the two of you to talk to each other about each other.

It really does get easier though and it won't be far way when you can actually go out for the evening; shopping, to a gallery and not have to worry providing you know there's food in the fridge and the microwave works!

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