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To think this is bad wedding etiquette?

10 replies

PiperChapstick · 29/08/2015 06:52

AIBU to think it's bad form to invite someone to your (not cheap) hen do, have them come and then not invite them to the wedding - as in not even the night do?

OP posts:

PennyHasNoSurname · 29/08/2015 06:56

Yes. Its bad ettiquette. Unless
(1) wedding is tiny - immediate family and a couple of friends tiny
(2) friend behaved so heinously on the Hen that Bride had to reconsider


WishIWasWonderwoman · 29/08/2015 07:00


Terrible etiquette! Although I could imagine some situations which it would be acceptable for e.g. friend behaves extremely poorly during the hen do or if something major happens like the venue cancelling or the bride losing all her money and the wedding has to be downsized.

But surely a hen do takes place very close in time to the wedding? I feel like invites to the wedding would be sent before or at the same time as invites to the hen do.


Birdsgottafly · 29/08/2015 07:02

As said, it depends on the size of the wedding and the couples budget/family size/venue etc.

I've known this to happen. I've known work colleagues of the bride to jump in on the Hen Night (or rather force an invitation), it doesn't mean that they have to be invited to the Wedding.


NettleFarseer · 29/08/2015 07:07

Very bad formAngry


PiperChapstick · 29/08/2015 07:09

Big wedding.
I was sober on hen do, not badly behaved in the least.
Birds she is a colleague but also a friend, I've only been in job 7 months (hen do was last month) so I didn't expect an invite initially, but looking on FB the rest of the office was invited includong 2 girls who've been there just 9 months.

Now I'm wondering if it's a) just bad etiquette or b) she doesn't actually like me Confused

OP posts:

WombatStewForTea · 29/08/2015 08:01

My friend got married recently and there were people who werw at the hen do but not the wedding. They were restricted on numbers for actual wedding as both have lots of family and weren't having separate people for the day and evening either you were invited to the whole thing or nothing. no one minded but they also knew before the hen do that would be the case.


WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 29/08/2015 08:12

Of course it's bad. If she had a big wedding there's no excuse, especially if she's invited everyone else. Were you the only person who didn't go? Are you sure she's a friend?


treaclesoda · 29/08/2015 08:16

I'm on the fence. I've been to a few hen dos where I wasn't invited to the wedding and didn't expect to be. Not really sure why I was invited to the hen do tbh, as we weren't close friends.

When I got married, some work colleagues insisted on organising a hen weekend for me, but it was their idea, not mine (I think they fancied a weekend away, and I was a convenient excuse) and I didn't invite any of them to my wedding, because we weren't close friends.


JanineMelnitzGlasses · 29/08/2015 10:27

It's not bad form if:
The bridge is getting married abroad and only close family are going / the friend can't afford to go / the bride is eloping
The bride is having a very private wedding (immediate family only)

It is bad form if:
The bride is inviting other members of the hen party.

IMO the hen-party is the send off for the bride, a pre-curser to the wedding? If you are not inviting someone to your wedding, they shouldn't be invited on the hen-do. I've never been on a hen-do where I haven't been invited to the wedding, and I wouldn't go on one either. It's a celebration with friends, not a popularity contest.


Yvonnebb76 · 29/08/2015 10:45

It sounds as though she doesn't really class you as a friend and only invitied you to the hen do so she wouldn't look bad leaving you out. She doesn't sound like a genuine friend to me.

There are probably a few of those that have been invited that don't really class the bride as a friend and are only going because it's a night out. People can be very insincere.

I wouldn't dwell on it or let it upset you....keep her as nothing more than a work collegue from now on. You can find nicer friends.

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