Aibu to be disgusted by these men?

[GinNJuiceBaby]

Me and best friend are in our early thirties, we went out tonight, had a few drinks and met up with some younger guys that she knows through a mutual friend. One of them fancies her, but she doesn't fancy him, she likes one of the others. Her and the one she likes started flirting and at closing time we all got a taxi together as we could get dropped off one by one on the way to hers.

In the taxi, her and the bloke she likes started getting touchy feely and kissed briefly. The one who fancies her and his friend did not like this at all. They started making sly digs, which then progressed to calling her a slut, which I called them out on.

They then demanded the taxi stop to let them out and went nuts, they called her fat, disgusting, ugly, a dirty slut...i was shocked at it and didn't know what to say tbh... She stuck up for herself, and I tried to defend her and was told to "shut the fuck up woman".

This verbal tirade continued after we got out of the taxi, they followed us and called us names. They were early twenties. I guess what I'm asking is what triggered this and what kind of attitudes towards women must they have to act this way?

A lot of men are like this...arrogant and nasty and toxic chemicals towards women. It is a mistake to think that 'losers' with no girlfriend are the ones doing this. It isn't true and prevents people from challenging or even discussing the endemic problem of male violence against women....be it verbal, sexual, emotional or physical.

I don't know how chemicals got in there!!!

As a balm for you...I'll tell you about a lovely early twenties guy I met today. He was working in a cafe in a hip and upcoming area...telling me about all the cool galleries and independent shops that are opening in the place.

He then said "Down the road there are all the crappy chain stores and a pet shop that thinks it's ok to sell pets by using women's bodies on their ads!"

He was so lovely! And enlightned.

Nope, i can't accept the way you are condoning this behaviour of these poor badly treated men.

No come on, I've had a guy I had a big crush on choose my best mate over me. I've copped off with guys that I suspect my mates fancied.

None of us at any time resorted to name calling. Actually I don't remember any guys name calling either but it was 25 years ago that I was on the market.

DD1 has an ex she sees when she is out clubbing, he very loudly proclaims her a slag every time he sees her talking to another lad, (he was quite adoring when they were a couple). It is all quite pathetic and a worrying trend.

Don't twist things it's not attractive. If you read my initial comment. My first line was Their behaviour was inexcusable, no where did I use the words I condone their actions, and I did enquire thst you were both okay, so please do not make out i am an insensitive bitch.

I was infatuated with a guy I went to uni with, when he very obviously got off with one of my best friends I did not call either of them names.

That is very admirable demented and I do genuinely mean that, but I bet you were hurt. I highly doubt you were doing a merry dance about the situation. I think your best friend was ridiculously insensitive, if she knew you liked this guy.

Feeling rejected isn't even remotely an excuse, unless you're about 6 yrs old. And even then you'd expect any normal adult to explain it's not the best way to deal with it.
I don't buy into the theory it can't be helped either, bet the same people who do it in response to being turned down about attraction don't all throw tantrums whenever they are rejected elsewhere, eg a job application, mortgage, tenancy agreement etc.
However for all my experience of tossers who do behave that way, I don't buy into the theory that most men would if questioned/pushed enough.

Yy thehouse had similar experiences.

It's just a total sense of entitlement, and an inability to allow a woman her own sense of agency.

"If a woman doesn't fancy me there must be something wrong with her" would seem to be how the thinking goes.

I'm not twisting anything. I have teread your posts and you are excusing their ugly abusive behviour.

RogerAndVal

Did you not notice the at the end of my comment? Ffs.

Actually my own experience of that age is much like yours. I was never the prettiest girl in the room but was always physically attractive to men of all ages. But was very shy/quiet/had a twat for a first boyfriend which left me untrusting. In late 20's early 30's i was very independant, happy, confident and happened to work in a job where most staff were younger men. Many of whom made advances, asked me out.

That said, I wouldn't of gone near them as most were still very emotionally immature and I wouldv'e felt like a babysitter rather than a date!

boovmoves
"The only men that think like this are insecure weirdos who can't get a girlfriend."

I think that you are mixing up "insecure weirdos" with entitled dicks, and what makes them so dangerous is that they more often than not have or can get girlfriends and treat them like shit.

Well seeing in your eyes the cap fits. I might as well wear it. If I am being accused of being insensitive. I might as well behave in such a way.
You're posting on on world wide forum open to people from all walks of life and not only thst you did put it in aibu and the whole world and his wife will not and do not hsve to agree. I have tried to reason with you but to no avail. I am certainly not going to try and more and most definitely not going to crawl up your backside. Now that's all I have to say

I recently took up running. Hand on heart not a run goes by when I don't get honked at by passing motorists, have comments shouted at me by passing motorists, have cars slow down and the drivers stare at me. All of these people are men, and you know what I bet blokes going out for a run don't have to put up with the same thing. But becuase I am a woman I'm apparently there for the pleasure of men and nothing else, and I'm expected to put up with it and you just know that these are the kinds of men who would get verbally and possibly even physically abusive towards me if I dared to give it back to them, so I have to take it rather than respond in the way id like to by saying 'go and fuck yourself weirdo' just for my own safety.

Im lucky, I grew up surrounded by positive male role models. I didn't realise until I grew up just how much some men hate women.

Sounds like too many drinks

Horrible attitudes. Everyone will have known that he fancied her and this would have humiliated him in front of his friends but that isn't an excuse. I think we'd all feel stung if we fancied someone and our friend started kissing them inches away from us. It is a bit insensitive but it happens on drunken nights out.

Note that it was the woman who had no obligation to fancy him back they slagged off not their mate who was flirting with the woman he knew his mate fancied.

Sorry I'm only just coming back to the thread, been a bit tired in hangover hell. I'll read everything more thoroughly a bit later but to explain more details...

We don't get together to go out too often, she's got a very busy demanding career and I have young DC. She has a friend who knows these young lads, and we've known them at face value and seen them intermittently over a few years.

One has always had a bit of a crush on her but as I said before she quite likes his friend. In the taxi home they 'turned' quite dramatically when she kissed said friend. I agree with pp about it being unpleasant for the guy who got rejected and I did feel bad for him BUT there is no justifiable reason to verbally abuse someone the way they did. And as I say they continued to harass us after we tried to walk away. All evening they'd been very nice, to both of us (I wasn't interested as happily married) very friendly, they seemed kind and we all just chatted casually. The difference in attitude was bloody scary.

The man she kissed remained silent throughout the whole drama, they didn't say a word to him! This is what made me think there were sexist undertones here, plus the fact they 'demoted' me from my name to simply 'woman'.. They depersonalised me (not sure if right word)

I spoke to my friend a while ago, she's ok, and said she blames herself a bit for upsetting and rejecting the man who likes her. I've told her its unfortunate he was hurt and possibly felt humiliated but it in no way deserved a reaction like the one she got. Hell, I've been rejected plenty of times back in the day but wouldn't dream of turning on someone like that!

They were very intimidating and she put on a brave face but I know she was scared. I'm also upset we put ourselves in a situation where we were alone with them but it honestly didn't seem a big deal at the time just sharing a taxi.

Thanks everyone for replying x

off to find paracetamol and brave the cinema

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost yes of course I was hurt and we (me and friend) talked about it after.

My point is it is never right to call someone names like happened in this situation, and also the guy who fancied her should have spoken to his own friend after the event if it bothered him, not called the woman rude names.

Your friend shouldn't blame herself for rejecting a man she doesn't want to be with.

She has no obligation to him.

Fancying someone doesn't give you a claim on them, or on their feelings, or on their behaviour.

And it certainly doesn't give you the right to follow women and shout abuse at them just because they are women who do not find you attractive.

He's a dick, so is his friend, and so is the man your friend does like if he lets this go without a word.

I read an interesting article recently that I wish I could find now. It was about the perception of women who reject men, and how both men and women alike prefer to blame the woman rejecting the man than the man himself if he does something to her, to himself, to someone else "because she rejected him".

I did find these though, which make the point about the way some men view women who dare to say no to them.

boy threatens girl with gun when she rejects him

I was threatened for rejecting a guy

Ilive - you keep making excuses for these men and have even managed to blame the Op's friend for antagonising them.

This sort of thing is getting worse, not better. Porn has a lot to do with it, the majority of porn is just plain nasty and humiliates women, there is no pleasure for us. Most porn sites label women in the most vile terms and most men consume these images everyday. The best bit is that women think that this is okay, totally normal and just wot blokes do.

Hygge the first article you posted is appalling for the normalisation of men/boys thinking that girls cannot turn them down without deserving dire consequences, albeit that it is in the USA.

Concur completely with Lumpy....even the hardcore producers of porn say what is made today should be illegal, it is so violent and malicious towards women. And men are consuming this hateful filth constantly. Yet so many women say they have no problem with it....we are so complacent about being called vile names and treated abominably by revolting men, in a way any other group of people who was as oppressed as women are just would never be!!

I find it very depressing that in 2015 nothing seems to have moved forward as far as men's attitudes to women are concerned.

If anything they seem to be more misogynistic now than in my day.

I remember my mother tearing a strip off my brother for a dismissive remark he made about a girl he'd had sex with who kept trying to contact him. That was probably 40 years ago.

Sure he was rude about her to my mother but I know for a fact he wouldn't have called her names to her face or followed her down the street yelling at her.

So what's going wrong with the upbringing of boys that they behave like this.

And yes I do think the easy availability of porn is a big factor in these young men's attitude to women. But how do we stop it?