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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Its fine to bring my children up gluten free

582 replies

Ironfistfunkymum · 28/08/2015 17:37

I've been gf for 6+ years, not alergic or anything but feel so much better for it. People seem generally fine with this.

However now I have children people do seem to judge bringing them up gf. But why would if feed them something that I dont think is very healthy (grains hard to digest) and something that I don't think is very ethical (wheat production is causing more deserts due to its growing conditions).

Aibu to expect people to respect my choice and leave it at that?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 28/08/2015 18:28

But the point is Grandma may not ordinarily have GF pasta if no one has an issue with gluten. It's more expensive and often kept in a separate isle, so a GP might not have seen it.

I never bought it before I realised that I have a problem with gluten, and returned to the UK but that's not relevant. MIL only started buying GF bread and cakes and giving us the rest of the packet to bring home because DH realized that he has a problem with gluten. Until last year all sarnies were made with regular bread and dinner would be a HM pie, with HM fruit crumble to follow.

Now MIL frets about having something appropriate in the cupboards. That, IMO, would be unfair when there isn't an actual health issue.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 28/08/2015 18:28

Yabu

I could understand wanting to avoid wheat, even though it's unecesary. But gluten is in soooo many foods, I don't think you should expect other people who might feed your kids (friend's parents, relatives, teachers, clubs) to avoid gluten without there being any medical need for it. Wheat is easier, or not following faddy diets is even easier.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 18:31

I have one DD who is GF through medical necessity - ie she is coeliac. Gluten, even a few crumbs eaten accidentally through poor hygeine, makes her extremely ill. Like a very bad tummy upset, both ends, bad cramps, shaking and sweating and then under the weather pale and ill looking and lethagric for several days. Thankfully, this has not happened for several years.

I love cooking, and we are well enough off financially not to have to worry at all about the extra costs of buying GF stuff. Where we live there are a variety of supermarkets within easy reach and a good range of GF available. But it is still very hard, and I don't get why anyone would do it for the sake of it. Eating out is hard (there can be no spur of the moment meals out in new places without doing our research and asking in advance), school trips etc are hard, camping is tricky because of the limited cooking and food prep area in a tent, every party she went to she had to take a packed lunch. I respect people's choices, but I don't understand why you would go to all that trouble for no good reason.

Oh and just in case anyone believes the rot about all the junk food coeliacs get on the NHS, DD gets nothing at all on prescription beause the choice of flours and breads and pastas (and that is all, nothing else) available in our area is so poor/limited compared to what you can buy yourself.

Spartans · 28/08/2015 18:32

It really depends on what level you take it too.

My kids generally have a gluten free diet, just because it suits us. I am allergic and it's easier to cook one meal. I don't really eat gluten free products.

However if they, for example, went to a kids party I wouldn't expect the host to provide gluten free alternatives for them. Food that's prepared separatly etc.

If you are expecting people to treat it as an allergy then, imo, Yabu.

sleeponeday · 28/08/2015 18:33

I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable. Because you are singling your kids out and making them less likely to be asked on playdates, parties, etc etc with this.

You are totally reasonable to bring them up in your own home GF, but in other people's homes is not, IMO, very fair on them, or other people.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/08/2015 18:35

tbh I think it's a bit unfair to expect your MIL to cater for your DCs when you don't even want her to buy the G-free food. If I were you, I'd take a bag of pre-prepared snacks/lunches, etc if you are taking them to MILs. It's your choice that they are gluten-free so you should be the one being inconvenienced not your MIL especially when it sounds like your choices are making it doubly difficult for her ie ' We're gluten-free but not that type of gluten-free

Spartans · 28/08/2015 18:35

Cross post. Sorry Yabu. If you don't like it don't allow them to have meals at their house. I would expect my parents to consider allergies, but not stuff on a whim every single time. I don't expect them to even remember all the stuff I can't have and I have an allergy.

Cnmorgan13 · 28/08/2015 18:35

Unless you have celiac disease, completly pointless. You wouldn't stop eating nuts or dairy unless you have an intolerance, just seems idiotic to me. Also, gluten free foods can be higher in calories than their gluten equivalents.

TidyDancer · 28/08/2015 18:37

Spartans is doing this the sensible way. OP if you are expecting other people to go to some lengths to feed your children the way you choose for them at home, YABU. I would liken this to a sugar free diet for eg. Fine at home, but loosen the grip when out. DCs can then makes their own choice as they grow up.

littlejohnnydory · 28/08/2015 18:39

YANBU but should be prepared to provide food for them if they go to parties, friends' houses, etc and you don't want them to eat gluten. My children are vegetarian which is more commonly accepted but I always offer to send something for them if they go out to anyone's house.

I have friends whose children follow the GAPS diet, which is pretty hardcore. They supply their food wherever they go.

DinosaursRoar · 28/08/2015 18:39

If your DCs aren't eating gluten regularly, then it might disagree with them on the rare occasion they do eat it, that's not to say they are intolerant, just not used to it.

I would say you should decide how much you want your DCs to miss out (cakes, biscuits, party sandwiches etc) for something they aren't actually unable to eat. The GF versions of these often do seem very processed and hideous tasting. (and yes, it is possible to have a balanced diet without going for the "free from" range option, but most people won't set a new menu, just get the "gluten free" option)

If I realised you'd gone GF when your DCS had no allergies/intolerences, then I'd probably judge you to have food issues that you'd passed on to your DCs.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 18:41

Unless you have celiac disease, completly pointless

I would not go that far, though I get what you're saying.

Coeliac disease is the tip of the iceberg.
Others are gluten intolerant, others have IBS that is affected by gluten.
Some coeliacs 'cheat' (very silly IMO) and some who have IBS 'treat' themselves now and then and suffer the consequences.

Sorry Im waffling I just wanted to clarify that there are other genuine medical reasons that people other than those with coeliac disease or DermatitisHerpetiformis (sp? - the skin version of DC) choose to avoid gluten all or almost all the time.

Sirzy · 28/08/2015 18:41

In the house fine serve what you normally have but to enforce it out of the house is wrong IMO.

I also think "faddy" gluten free people make things harder for people who are genuinly allergic/intolerant to it though.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 18:44

that last line should read CD ie coeliac disease, not DC (habit)

BeeRayKay · 28/08/2015 18:45

You became U as soon as you said "foods that contain lots of long words I'd rather not read"

Long words:

Dihyrdogen monoxide
Sodium chloride
Cellulose
Lactic Acid
Maltodextrin
Ascorbic Acid
Xantham Gum
Inulin
Tocopherals
Lecithin

Largely innocuous, but ooh they sound so scary so avoid at all cost.

IconicTonic · 28/08/2015 18:47

Your children are likely to have a reaction to gluten when they do get it if their systems are not used to it. It might be kinder to give them small amounts to let them get used to it so they can have a bit at parties, friends houses etc

Charis1 · 28/08/2015 18:49

very very very very silly. since you ask my opinion.

attention seeking, pretentious, ill informed and unfair.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 18:50

I also think "faddy" gluten free people make things harder for people who are genuinly allergic/intolerant to it though

^agree with this! as do people who are diagnosed but do not stick to their GF diet....

I had a discussion when I saw a local chippy with a poster up saying gluten free batter available. I asked them about it. It was clear that they had no idea about what is properly GF as all the fish was just cooked in the same oil. The fryers/oil were rotated so even their chips were not GF. Then I got the line about 'well we have a very regular customer who asked us to do GF and they are never ill.....'
some places will even lie to you to try to get your custom, we have to be so careful eating out.

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 18:50

Restricting a child's diet for no good reason is not a good thing to do. Why not keep a gluten free house yourself and let them eat "normally" at other people's houses? Best of both worlds.

UnbelievableBollocks · 28/08/2015 18:51

Your post immediately made me think of this video.

how to be gluten intolerant

FithColumnist · 28/08/2015 18:53

Not going to lie, I am judging you here. YABU.

Kennington · 28/08/2015 18:55

You are possibly making life hard for your children. Also encouraging them to be on a diet without a medical or reasonable ethical reason isn't a great way to get them to enjoy foods.
I would avoid making food and issue at a young age, especially if you have girls.

Mehitabel6 · 28/08/2015 18:56

All a bit pointless - the children will work that out for themselves in the end.

TremoloGreen · 28/08/2015 18:57

Everything DinosaursRoar said.

I can't eat gluten. I cannot imagine why you'd do that to yourself out of choice. Limiting it because you find it hard to digest is a different kettle of fish.

God, I miss bread so much Envy Sad

noblegiraffe · 28/08/2015 18:57

My friend's child is medically intolerant to gluten. I feel so sorry for the poor kid at parties. And when we cater for him it's a minefield. You have to be careful of sausages, oven chips, all sorts of things where you wouldn't expect to find gluten.

No idea why you would want to inflict that on your child if not necessary, and if I found that I'd spent ages in the supermarket checking labels and it was simply a choice based on poor science, then I'd be pretty annoyed.