Hello - update folks. Spoke to my mum and we think it both best she and dad stay out of any active participation at the wedding. Which does mean my brother and his family will be forced to ferry them to/fro and leave the wedding when it suits my mum. I feel bad for my brother - especially his wife. There is unspoken angst in their marriage.
My brother is 35, with a 9month old baby and he still goes to my mum's house 3 to 5 days a week to wash dad/get him out of bed/medical duties etc. My mum just doesn't want anyone else to care for dad and she doesn't see how much a burden they are on brother.
Everyone else does their share however we are all in our twenties and early thirties (and not even married or children). As my dad gets older and mum also becoming increasingly fail - we need to be thinking about external care but they are resolute to not even discussing it and on the assumption brother and his wife should take care of them for the rest of their lives. Shouldn't we be living our lives? It's not like we are poor and can't afford assistance between all of us. Anyway - that's a whole other thread.
So I am walking down the aisle on my own, with bridesmaids, and if I my parents turn up/don't turn up - it is one less stress for me to have to worry about now.
I sort of grieve for the parents I feel I never really had. They clothed and fed me well but they are emotionally stunted, very set in their ways and opinions and my mum's life has and always been going to Tescos and staying at home watching TV. Things like birthdays. I never ever had one. Never received a Christmas present from them. Putting up a Xmas tree was such a chore for mum that it was a rare treat. Going to the theatre - I tried that once and coaxed her to go but we had to leave pretty quick as she found the lights and sounds too loud. And I was never ever allowed friends. They turned up once on my doorstep and demanded to take me away to celebrate when we got our exam results but mum shooed them away.
She was annoyed I had friends. She was annoyed I loved to sing and read. She hated books - couldn't see the point of reading.
Mum always complained life was hard on her, her utter being on this earth and soul sucked any joy out of my childhood living at home, that's why I left as soon as I could.
In terms of moral guidance, support, shared interests and happy times - it was non existent.
And this is the first time I have admitted this. I have never had a conversation with dad more than two or three sentences. They were mostly consisting of commands from dad. I speak English, always have. Been here since I was 3. I have never ever been able to have a decent conversation with dad as I couldn't communicate with him in our mother tongue. He refused to learn English. Mum was the main caretaker and only spoke to us in English. I was lucky to have even saw my dad some days. So that's why we all grew up not being able to talk to dad. Imagine that. How lovely it is to have a chat with your dad and pick up the phone and see how things are. I can't do that with either of my parents.
I swear when they both die. I don't think I would even be that bothered. Really. [Sorry to say, I really am sorry to say that as it's your parents but it's how I feel inside. Void of happy emotions for my parents.]
I'll walk down the aisle to start my new life and that will be a whole new chapter in itself :)