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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to only invite school friends to DC1's party?

9 replies

MaltaVestrit · 28/08/2015 09:39

DC1 turns 6 the week before my due date with DC4. I am trying to organise a party for him as I think its important his birthday isn't 'overshadowed' by the arrival of new sibling etc but I'm mindful of the fact that either I will have a newborn, be very uncomfortable at 39 weeks PG or possibly not even be there at all!

with that in mind I want to keep it small enough that in the 'worst case scenario' that I'm in labour and not there that my DM and DF can manage the party alone (they are mid 50s, good health and have the DC regularly if that's relevant).

So I've found a great kids entertainer who will come to the house to run the party - my logic being if you have it at home rather than a hall parents will be expecting to drop and run rather than hang around with siblings like they tend to do at the village hall. therefore I have to limit the party to 12 people.

once you count my own 3DC that gives DC1 9 friends to invite. I asked him who he wanted and his first list was 7 and there are a couple of others who I expect he'll want to add.

now to the point - I will not be able to invite my closest 4 mum friends and their DC (1 DC each, all DC1's age and have known since they were all tiny babies). they have been invited to every birthday party so far (big soft play types) but although we see them regularly DC1 has not mentioned inviting them. (so as not to drip feed, 2 of the friends I see every couple of weeks, the other 2 every few months)

so AIBU in these circumstances to keep his party 'school friends only'? My plan would then to be to invite these 4 friends over for 'tea and cake' later in the day. and do you think I should message the 4 mums and explain what is happening and why? I think 2 of them at least will be surprised not to be invited otherwise.

OP posts:
RapidlyOscillating · 28/08/2015 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Berthatydfil · 28/08/2015 09:43

I'm sure they will understand if you explain (sorry not up to big soft play thing with being so pg so just having s few of ds school friends to the house) and to be honest it's your ds party so he should invite his friends. Your friends children aren't really his friend iyswim

2ndSopranosRule · 28/08/2015 09:47

I think YANBU at all. One of my close friends does school friends only and it's never occurred to me to mind. No explanation needed.

I was furious yesterday when MIL and SIL along with dn invited themselves to dd1's forthcoming party. She's doing an activity that toddler dn can't participate in (there is a six year age difference) and that has limited numbers but I will be expected to pay to feed her. It also means dd1 will have to knock someone off her list (mercifully no invites have gone out yet) which is unfair. My funds aren't unlimited.

MaltaVestrit · 28/08/2015 10:08

I would say that DC1 is friends with the 2 friends' DC that we see more regularly, not so much the other 2 now.

the tea and cake bit will be with the explanation that it may be cancelled at the last minute if I'm not around!

I guess I had just never thought before now about the whole school friends V non-school friends thing! plus I know DC1 is being invited to 2 of their parties which will be before his.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 28/08/2015 10:13

I think your idea sounds fine.You have a lot on your plate at the moment and I'm sure your friends would understand that.

The tea and cake idea sounds nice and yes I'd just message them now and explain.

DoreenLethal · 28/08/2015 10:17

Personally, I'd invite the friends who would be easier to cancel [or who might run the party for you] if you were indisposed. School friends are harder to contact when things go /pear baby shaped.

MaltaVestrit · 28/08/2015 10:20

Doreen the party will go ahead without me if necessary - my parents will run it for me.

actually that's a point - do I have to let the parents know that it might not be me that's there?!

OP posts:
Thymeout · 28/08/2015 10:22

Perfectly reasonable - but I don't think I'd invite the other friends for tea and cake (no entertainer) on the same day. It might feel a bit like a two-tier wedding invitation, only being invited to the evening do.

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2015 10:39

I know the friends kids probably play together but i think you are being fair to your son he gets to invite his school pals to his party ime kids generally move away from their mums friends kids as they get older.

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