...to be upset with family?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

Just got back from a family holiday and my dsis as always has upset me with her selfishness. It really gets to me aswell that no one says anything, I feel like everyone just lets her get away with it cos she has depression and they're scared to say anything which tends to result in me getting the raw end of the deal.
Main problem was before we went I'd said to my younger dsis (I have two sisters) I'd love to visit the spa at the place we were going. As not to drip feed I have inflammatory arthritis and I get fatigued often. Anyway, we got their and my older dsis said she'd booked the spa for her and our dm for her birthday. Now that's nice but my dm hates anything like that and we all know that and even if she did I would have asked my other two dsis if they wanted to come too! So my dm said she didn't want to go and my dsis said she was going to take my other dsis in her place without even asking me to go then went on about how nice it was going to be! I was so gutted cos I just think it's just selfish for 2 out of 3 sisters to go off to a spa for a nice relaxing morning without asking the other one to join them. I know if it had been the other way round either one of them would have went mad! I also felt like I couldn't say anything cos it was my dm birthday and it would have upset her.
It's done now and there's nothing I can do about it but it always feels like it's all about not upsetting my dsis so she gets away with her selfish behaviour.
I know it sounds petty but it really upset me.

Hmmm, if you wanted to visit the spa you should have booked a treatment for yourself, not relied on someone else asking you. I think your mum has more right to be annoyed if she was given a present your sister knew full well she wouldn't want or use.

Why didn't you book yourself?

I reckon it's your ma who should be annoyed here.

Why didnt you just say you would go with them or ask them to book for you too and you would pay. Or just go on your own for some peace and quiet :)

I didn't go because I wanted to keep the time as a whole family and I knew my dm doesn't like spas so I assumed we just wouldn't go to be honest. It just caught me offguard that they were going and I didn't want to invite myself along when I felt like I hadn't been invited. I also thought it would be a bit odd on my dm 60th birthday that we all went off to a spa without her. My dsis had no issue with this as always it's all about her. I just get so frustrated with as she always puts herself first and doesn't think about others. I don't actually know how my dm feels about it, she didn't seem too bothered.

Still think your mum is the one who's been hard done by here, you and your sisters seem a bit self absorbed tbh.

laffy I haven't said anything to my dm, I asked her if she wanted to get her nails done or something like that and she didn't want to. I haven't said anything to anyone cos I know it will just upset my dm. I stayed up til after everyone had gone to sleep putting banners up and sorting her cake out to make it special for her. My dsis just goes ahead and books whatever she fancies without asking anyone else, that's what I can't get my head round. If there's 4 women and it's someone's big birthday I would never dream of just booking something like a spa for two and leave the others out.

Sorry Icant but your opening post didn't really make that clear, the update is a little bit more detailed and I can see why you would feel you're the one making all the effort whilst everyone else suits themselves.

Not got much advice to give you other than "they won't change...so you'll have to"...seriously, these people just continue on their own merry way, oblivious to everyone else's wants or needs.

Stop trying to please them, just please yourself.

Thanks laffy yea that's what my dh said. We were sat on the night and my dsis was going on and on about how relaxed she felt and how lovely it was blah blah blah and my lovely dh just looked over and mouthed a little kiss at me cos he knew it was upsetting me I do feel her behaviour is just accepted and I can't bear it but I just have to bite my tongue so my dm doesn't get upset as she's so lovely and would hate any arguing.

I find it odd that, having specifically wanted to go the spa before you went on holiday because you thought it would be beneficial for your arthritis, you didn't book yourself a session on one of the days that wasn't your dm's birthday.

Is this particularly spa renowned for alleviating arthritis? If so, it's even more peculiar that you didn't avail yourself of the facilities. If not, make sure the next family holiday destination is to one of the locations where there are thermal springs/roman baths such as those which can found on the Italian island of Pantelleria and on many Greek islands.

Alternatively, book a holiday just for you or 'take the waters' at Bath or Matlock. I happen to believe that swimming/floating in the sea is a wonderful cure-all for all sorts of ailments and if you can't get to a beach, add loads of salt to your hot bath water.

They have behaved like selfish pricks.

You have shown love and consideration. Stop feeling angry with selfish pricks because you are so right, they will never change, and start feeling proud of yourself and satisfied that you worked hard to ensure your DM had a nice birthday.

goddessofsmallthings I find it peculiar that you seem so patronisingly unable to take the OP's point. Your post is right out of Northanger Abbey.

OP, yes it was rude and you are not unreasonable to be hurt. Unfortunately some people are like this and you'll never change them. It's not an excuse, but possibly she is used to feeling unable to cope with herself and the struggle to emotionally survive has made her (more) self-absorbed. Thank goodness you have your lovely DH. Could she have assumed you didn't want to go because of him? Chances are she would have been completely positive/indifferent about you coming if it had been suggested, but I can see why you didn't. Perhaps next time you could take your mum out for a cream tea instead.

I'm flattered you have likened my scribblings to those of Miss Austen, feather, but to my mind it's you that have missed the point which is that the OP's sisters didn't become so selfish/self-centred overnight and as this is clearly part of her family's dynamic - as evidenced by the fact that her dm isn't bothered by their behaviour - the OP is best advised to take steps to ensure she gets to indulge herself on family holidays because no-one else is going to indulge her.

That makes more sense goddess but still, she didn't ask for spa recommendations and for all we know is perfectly capable of googling. Her question was a bit more complex.

Hi goddess, it was only a long weekend so thought it would be a bit rude of me to go off for half a day when we were not there long. If I thought my dm would like it I would have organised for the four of us to go and I'm sure it would have been lovely. As it is, my dm doesn't enjoy spas so thought I'd leave it and try and do something else instead. I'm going to book myself a pedicure soon though to make up for it as I have particular issues with my feet so that will cheer me up.
Thanks for everyone's comments, I feel less like a whinge now! Im going to forget it and try and organise things in advance next time to try and avoid things like this happening!