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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell my dad I'm getting married

7 replies

Gerritsen · 27/08/2015 12:36

I've never had a close relationship with my "D"F. He left when I was 2 years old and breezed in and out of my life though out my childhood. Recently what was left of our relationship deteriorated even more when he admitted he's never really been interested in me and resented being my parent. Although deep down I think I knew this anyway, being told it was still very painful. Made even more painful by the fact that he has always been a brilliant father to my half brother and is always gushing about how proud he is to be his dad.
I decided a few months ago, for self preservation I would have nothing more to do with him. He's made his feelings clear and seeing him or hearing from him hurts, not that that happens very often anyway. Soon after me and my dp got engaged and will be getting married early next year. I don't want him there for obvious reasons but my DM thinks I should at the very least let him know I'm getting married. I'm not trying to hurt him by not inviting him, I just don't want to know him. I feel if I tell him I'm opening up the lines of communication once again and basically just inviting him to do more damage. I also suspect if I do tell him he'll accuse me of stealing my brother's thunder as he is also getting married next year. So, would I be unreasonable to just not tell him and never speak to him again?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/08/2015 12:38

YANBU

If your Mum wants him to know, she can tell him.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/08/2015 12:55

YANBU. It's your wedding and it's your choice who you tell about your big day.

I see no reason why you should tell the father who's been a parent in name only to you when he's made his resentment of his role clear and, more particularly, who's made no secret of the fact that he favours his ds over you.

Cut this odious man out of your life, do your best to erase him from your memory, and don't give him the power to cause you any further hurt.

.

aginghippy · 27/08/2015 12:58

YANBU - no contact means NO contact. You are quite right that opening up the lines of communication once again could be inviting him to do more damage.

Congratulations on your engagement btw Flowers

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 27/08/2015 13:09

why does he need to know? he is not part of your life, he can fuck off

5Foot5 · 27/08/2015 13:15

YANBU

Chances are he will hear about it anyway through other family members. Your DM? Your half-brother?

If he contacts you asking why he wasn't informed / invited then you can quite honestly say that you didn't think he would be interested.

AdoraBell · 27/08/2015 14:06

Another YANBU.

If you feel you don't want or need him in your life then on one else gets to decide otherwise.

Congratulations on your engagement and best wishes for your wedding Thanks

Patapouf · 27/08/2015 14:18

YANBU

NC means NC, you don't have to let your mum pick and choose when you need to include your dad, and you shouldn't give him the choice either.

Getting married is about you and your fiancé, don't let anyone dictate who you have to invite.

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