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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel increasingly frustrated with dh and his job situation

15 replies

2ndSopranosRule · 27/08/2015 10:14

Actually I know I'm being completely unreasonable but need a little vent.

Dh has been in his current job for 10 years. The Sword of Damacles pops up every so often. So far he's survived every cull but it's only a matter of time. He looks for jobs, sees loads but never, ever applies for them. Ever. Or he'll apply and start the dire warnings of how difficult it would make our lives. I work too incidentally.

The latest is an excellent position about 40 miles away. Doable. But despite the fact he has yet to apply he's already telling me that he'll be using my car - more economical and makes my albeit lesser commute cheaper - for the commute and I'll have to use his.

The jobs he does apply for he has no chance of getting. Bit like a firefighter applying to be a police sergeant.

Grrr.

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 27/08/2015 10:18

Surely if he's been there 10 years, if the worst does happen, he'll get a decent pay off anyway, so it's worth staying put?

DrDreReturns · 27/08/2015 10:31

If I was him I'd stay put for the redundancy pay out as pp said, unless he sees another job that pays significantly more. I knew I was being made redundant for a year but stayed put as I had 10 years of service and I wanted the pay out. I still got another job straight away. For me it was worth it financially to stay where I was until I was made redundant.

Original poster

2ndSopranosRule · 27/08/2015 10:32

He's in a highly specialised line of work so the likelihood of walking into a decent job quickly is slim. His payout would be good, granted, but he'll never get a new job if he doesn't apply.

He's fed up in his job and there's no scope for progression.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 27/08/2015 10:34

Why are you putting up with that nonsense about him using your car? If he wants to change his car, then he can, can't he? Why should you suffer as a result?

Patapouf · 27/08/2015 10:38

Maybe he doesn't want to work anywhere else?

googoodolly · 27/08/2015 10:41

If he's been there 10 years he'll get a good redundancy package so it's probably not worth him leaving now when he obviously doesn't want to.

Original poster

2ndSopranosRule · 27/08/2015 10:47

He does want to work elsewhere but has a bit of a cba streak.

He's the main earner only because he does more hours than me. He's public sector and hasn't had a rise in four years. I'm hoping to up my hours in fact.

I'm irritated about the car thing. I really hate his and can't drive it. I'm not a flakey female who is afraid of the bloke's car but I really can't drive his.

OP posts:

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 27/08/2015 10:47

I got 2 motnhs salary after being somewhere 10 years, if they pay legal minimum.
But everywhere makes redundancies all the time, moving jobs makes him no safer.

DrDreReturns · 27/08/2015 10:48

ImperialBlether when my wife and I were both working whoever had the longest commute used the most efficient car to save on fuel costs. So for several years I used my wife's car to get to work and back as it cost less for us to do it that way.
I appreciate that some people are more attached / less willing to share their cars than we are though!

ImperialBlether · 27/08/2015 10:50

I know that's normally what happens, DrDre, but this guy is just telling her outright that he'll be using her car, knowing she doesn't like driving his. It seems as though he wants her to suffer alongside him if he has to move job!

Original poster

2ndSopranosRule · 27/08/2015 10:52

We did used to swap cars always but I can't drive his. I'm short and i literally cannot get into a position where I can reach the pedals properly and see the mirrors and dashboard (which is central - it's French). DH has squeezed himself in after I've driven it and acknowledges my issue.

OP posts:

DrDreReturns · 27/08/2015 10:58

That's fair enough 2ndSopranosRule sorry didn't realise you can't drive his car - x post :-)

howabout · 27/08/2015 10:59

Agree with pps that he should probably stay put until he is made redundant.

In the Op's situation I would be telling him to put up with his situation or get on and sort it out and let her know when he has. I don't see why he can't trade his car in for something more suitable if and when he needs to accommodate a long commute.

My DH hates his job but as it doesn't make any sense for him to move on he gets on with it and doesn't inflict it on his spare time or the rest of us.

Breathingisnthelping · 27/08/2015 11:05

I don't know why everyone is assumingthat if you work somewhere for ten years you get a good payout. I work in the public sector and have done so continuously for twelve years. I will get 12 weeks pay, the legal minimum, if I lose my job (massive redundancies coming). Maternity pay was only slightly better than the statutory minimum. Not everyone works in multinational private sector companies with generous packages!

howabout · 27/08/2015 11:14

My advice to stay put wasn't necessarily based on the assumption of a big payout. I think sometimes if you are finding it difficult to commit to a course of action it can be better to wait until you have the focus of having to make a decision rather than making a less than perfect just in case leap you come to regret. Half hearted, time consuming, undirected job hunting does nothing for anyone and may erode your contact base.

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