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to ask what's the effing deal with people who send UNREQUITED texts too much

31 replies

VaseOfFlowersPink · 26/08/2015 21:19

friend (we get on well but not close, live some way apart) who will text about several times a day

normally really "stream of consciousness" stuff, like someone updating a Twitter?

I'm sick of my phone beeping and some random "I'm doing X" thing popping up.

I'm not even replying to them, so wonder why don't they have any awareness that maybe they should ease back a bit?

this is the fourth friend I've had to do this (the other three are ex friends. I was happy enough spending face-face time with them but it actually used to creep me out getting five/six messages a day, none of which I could be bothered to reply to.

and then after a while the messages slowly started creeping up, so I was waking to a message and just receiving loads of irrelevant stuff during the day as well).

Is it me? I try to be compassionate and responsible and interested and a good listener if I get on with someone(within limits).

but surely that isn't a green light to then bombard me with contact.

I actually find texting "I'm bored at work and I hate my job" (subtext: sympathise with me and amuse me) frequently a bit rude (it makes me think "you've been complaining about this job for years now, you don't have any good reasons not to apply for a new one, I've advised you to apply for a new one, why are you expecting me to enable you emotionally?")

I think when I switch my mobile number I might just say "I only use it for emergency or for actually arranging something".

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 26/08/2015 21:40

This has never happened to me with text but back in the day l had one friend call me every day on the house phone. I was too nice not to answer. Eventually l had to get so rude practically obnoxious to get rid of her. Are you too nice and attracting people who like to feed on others. Or is it just the new thing now with texts. I'm often surprised here how often dating people text each other. That would have driven us mad before mobiles much contact. I don't blame you.l would hate that.


whatawhoppar · 27/08/2015 07:28

im surprised you have any friends left


HackerFucker22 · 27/08/2015 08:13

This has happened to you with 4 different friends? How odd.

Are you young? (IE is this a 'new' thing?)

Never experienced it myself. It as the OP explains it.

I do have a friend who WhatsApp's me random shite though. I sometimes reply if I can, I sometimes don't. She may send me 3 pictures in a day then nothing for a week so it's not constant.


cremedecacao · 27/08/2015 09:06

Eurgh, YANBU. I feel the same about Facebook messages that just say "Hi how are you?" or "what you up to?". The same person sends me one of these messages everyday. If I respond I won't be able to get rid of her for ages. The conversations are so mundane. Don't these people have anything else to do?! Actually go and do something that is worth reporting about and THEN message me!


SquadGoals · 27/08/2015 09:37

A friend of mine does this. It came to a head over Christmas when I was seeing DP (who I hadn't seen for four months) and family who I hadn't seen for a year. She was sending me 4-5 messages of meaningless crap a day through various methods (SMS, Whatsapp, FB Messenger etc) and I would respond to one every other day.

2 days before we were supposed to travel abroad together, she sent a message berating me for not replying and cancelling our trip. She later apologised but my feelings towards her as a friend have totally changed.


boovmoves · 27/08/2015 09:41

My group send each other a few messges all the time. My best friend and me are always on IM. It is hardly strange they are your friends. Confused


wickedwaterwitch · 27/08/2015 09:44

It sounds very wearing. Is it all just to you or do you think she sends to everyone in her contacts or something? Of are you part of a Whatsapp group? If so can you leave the group?


TheHoneyBadger · 27/08/2015 09:49

gosh there's some horrible sounding stuff on here. if you dislike people this much why lead them to believe you are their friend? how bloody awful to think that this might be someone who is depressed or in crisis and trying to reach out and mistakenly doing so to someone who is so disgusted by them or slags them off on an internet forum.

sorry but this makes me quite sad.


CigarsofthePharoahs · 27/08/2015 10:10

I'm going to go with YANBU because I think it's a little odd.
It's one thing to be part of a fb or WhatsApp group with several different people posting and you catch up and reply when you've got the time.
A constant stream of text messages saying precisely nothing is a bit different though. Are you expected to reply to them all?
Do you think there's a chance the friend might be subtly reaching out for help about something or has she just forgotten your phone isn't her Twitter feed?
I'd ignore them to be honest.


Pyjamaface · 27/08/2015 10:20


One of my friends is like this and it is really off-putting tbh. The constant stream of nothing-ness 'what are you up to?' 'are you having fun' 'you must be busy cos you haven't replied' 'I'm going shopping' 'what should I have for dinner' 'what are you doing now' etc etc

And if I don't reply to 'enough' of them, the next day I get 'do you hate me now' 'what have i done' 'I'm sorry I'll won't text you ever again' 'i don't understand how you can do this to me' 'I'll miss you'

I have spoken to her about it but she still carries on. It is so needy and some days I actually cringe when my phone dings


VaseOfFlowersPink · 27/08/2015 10:50

male friend not a female friend

It came to a head when he came to visit me (I was happy to host and see him).

On fridays my office is close to the city centre, and he came in on a train there scheduled for about the same time i finish work.

I arranged to meet him at a bar which was close to where i work and the train station (it's in an arts centre place where people drift in solo, and we're both culture vultures so i thought i'd picked it well and he could relax with a pint and i'd come find him there AFTER i finished work).

he got into and then started texting me repeatedly - "i'm at the station" "where are you?" "i'm in x location - he'd decided to wait at the station lounge, not the bar i'd suggested". "are you still at work?".

No waiting for replies after texts, then he started ringing repeatedly. it really, really set my teeth on edge. my ex was controlling and this seemed to be similar to things he used to do.

but Overall the weekend was lovely and a success! it's like he just doesn't realise?

if it was someone i was dating i'd think it was controlling - which is why i'm concerned that i do stuff to encourage it.

if it is "reaching out" over something genuine its' fine. but it seems to be the "reaching out" as in asking for/demanding immediate attention and getting agitated if it doesn't happen?

OP posts:

scarlets · 27/08/2015 11:02

When you see her, ask her if she's ok, and when she asks why you're enquiring, explain it's because of the strangely high volume of texts.


MissMooMoo · 27/08/2015 12:11

hmm I don't find chatting with someone odd!
whats wrong with someone just saying 'hi how are you, what are you up to today?'


cremedecacao · 27/08/2015 14:11


Because I never get the impression that the sender is actually that bothered, just bored! The conversation never goes anywhere. I usually do respond to be polite but its the same conversation every day!


BrendaandEddie · 27/08/2015 14:20

i think its odd

What i hate is what H calls ' the unnecessary third text'
Mate - see you at the bar at 9
me - ok
them - see you then



BrendaandEddie · 27/08/2015 14:21

coffee or tea



AyeAmarok · 27/08/2015 14:35

Oh God I hate the "I'm bored, entertain me" type texts!

I once had a friend who would continuously forward the same message 3/4/5 times until you replied, even if you were at work or busy.

Fucking exhausting.


wickedlazy · 27/08/2015 14:38

That would drive me mad too. I'm quite introverted, and like to do things alone. Had a friend who was needy like this, but we don't talk now, thank god. It had gotten to the stage she was acting like my girlfriend! A particularly needy, clingy gf. Dp was driven mad by it too. Feel such a relief not having to deal with it anymore. And she wasn't as bad as your friend!


RachelZoe · 27/08/2015 14:59

This doesn't bother me at all, it's only a text/whatsapp message, not a carrier pigeon flying into your face multiple times a day, glance at it and put it down, or read it later.

That is for "stream of conciousness" messages, when it's "hey how are you" followed by "did you get my message?" "why haven't you messaged back" etc, now that is infuriating.


laffymeal · 27/08/2015 15:41

Aw I think it's quite nice when friends do this. I get a lot of nonsense like "I've just accidentally kicked a pigeon" and "I'm Chairman of the Bored", I love the way they know I'll smile at their nonsense.


ExitPursuedByABear · 27/08/2015 15:51

Nope. It would drive me nuts.

Actually, if any of my friends started doing this I would worry about them.

But then I am an old fart.


TheHoneyBadger · 27/08/2015 18:38

ah that second post reads differently vase.

yeah that's a bit much - possibly miscommunication as in he thought it was a you'll be there at x time and you thought he'd understood you'd get there when you could.

i'm the type who'd happily hang out in that place and have a drink and people watch - i'd text to say i was there (and hope you'd reply to say cool, see you soon as i can get there) and then be happy waiting. knowing me i'd find someone interesting to talk to and chew their ear Wink

guess he's not like that and/or didn't understand it that way.


stayanotherday · 27/08/2015 20:17

I knew somebody who was very lonely and would text me at least twenty times a day. It was endless. It went on from early in the morning to late at night. I explained nicely it's nice to keep in touch but I'm working all day and couldn't keep up. I'd reply, turn around and there'd be another three again. I tried to help her widen their social life, get a job, learn to drive, move somewhere busier instead of living out in the sticks but she wouldn't help herself. I don't have any issue with a couple of texts every week but it got too much.

If I couldn' t reply for a while it would be "What's wrong, have I upset you?" texts. Yet when I arranged to meet up with her, it was chaos. Ten texts to arrange a cup of coffee for example. I didn't want to be rude or not bother but it was exhausting.


AuntyBatshit · 27/08/2015 22:39

My best friend and I facebook message each other good morning, goodnight, and about 20 messages in between...all day, every day. Our DH's are always perplexed when they can't get a word in when we meet-"What do you two find to talk about that you haven't covered in the last 24 hours?" Grin We obviously need to get out more.


Mintyy · 27/08/2015 22:48

It comes across as extremely needy and inadequate to me, but I am another old gimmer and I gather the young folk are quite used to communicating this way.

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