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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just want a load of sympathy (medical problem)

15 replies

AerialGymnastics · 26/08/2015 15:32

(disclaimer... my best friend and her husband are both giving me the level of sympathy I require...)

I have a mole that's just "changed"... gone really hard and sore and raggy edged. I did the sensible thing and booked an appt with my GP. Who took one look at it and immediately referred me to a Dermatologist with a specialism in Melanoma. GP was spectacularly unsympathetic... oh you've got a 1 in 10 chance of it being melanoma. Those lesions on your mole are indicative of melanoma but it could be other stuff.
I've been booked to see a specialist for a weeks time.
But by this point I'm pretty upset and just want all the hugs and stuff.

I know it's very unlikely to be cancerous (I'm no sun worshipper and have a very clean lifestyle), but family history of cancer including melanoma and a super unsympathetic GP got me wound up.

excepting best friend mentioned above who is offering to come to appointment, chauffeur me home and generally be an angel the general response I'm getting is pretty much... It won't be anything serious, suck it up buttercup, and get on with it.

I'm not talking full on pity party here as I know I'm still in the super lucky boat of "do not have cancer" and if I do its melanoma which I understand to be a very easily sortable cancer, but I want the few friends I'm telling to actual turn around and go "oh shit babes, are you ok? is there anything I can do?"

It scares me that in 2 weeks I'll know if I have cancer. Maybe I've just got pre knowing ANYTHING worry and I do just need to suck it up as there are people millions worse off than I am with just a manky mole...

OP posts:

OrangePeels · 26/08/2015 15:38

Well, there is little chance it is malignant. The dermatologist will remove it and test it. You spotted it early so, rationally, it's in your favour that everything will be fine.

I do massively sympathise though that the waiting is horrible! How much better would it be if the GP could just whip it off and test it the same day?

FadedRed · 26/08/2015 15:56

[hugs] and [stuff]
Of course you will worry, it's the not knowing that makes it soooo hard.
You can look at all the favourable statistics, balance the chances, Make all the soothing noises to yourself that you would to others, but it doesn't stop that nagging little voice in your head saying "What if?"
You could try the set a time to worry thing, like allowing yourself a time in the day to think about how you are feeling, write down your worries and thoughts, and then not 'allow' yourself to worry outside your chosen time. Sounds a bit odd, but it can help. So from six to quarter past, set a timer, have your worry, then dismiss the thoughts at other times, saying to yourself, 'I'll worry about that at six.' Maybe worth a try?

Sidge · 26/08/2015 16:02

Weeeelllll I do sympathise, but I'm afraid I'm in the "why worry and go overboard with doom, gloom, worst case scenarios and sympathy until you actually know what you're dealing with".

So I'm sorry, if I was one of your mates I'd probably say something along the lines of 'gosh I can imagine you're anxious but hey, it's unlikely to be melanoma so keep me in the loop and I'll catch you after your appointment and you can bring me up to date. In the meantime I'll put the kettle on!'

Finger crossed for you

ImperialBlether · 26/08/2015 16:09

My mum had a malignant melanoma. She's 86 now and had it removed about 25 years ago.

She had a mark on her arm that was changing - she wouldn't go to the doctor as she didn't like to bother him for such a ridiculous thing. Two years later, on the advice of her sister (ie not the advice of her daughter) she went to the doctor.

She phoned me that night to tell me. She said, "I don't know, people criticise the NHS but I went there at 4 o'clock this afternoon and when I got home the hospital rang with an appointment for 9.30 tomorrow morning! And they say there are waiting lists!"

She had to have it removed and go back for check ups every six months but it's never been a problem since.

You've done the right thing in acting quickly. Best of luck.

AugustDay · 26/08/2015 16:28

Ohh tricky, I see what you mean but I would be in the wait and see and then do the sympathy. Iykwim. I obviously would be sympathetic to your worries but not overly so.

Does talking about it and thinking about it help you or does it make it more 'real' and scarey? If you are a worrier then people may not want to worry you.

TBH If I was in your situation it would worry me a lot more if people were sympathetic.

Everyone's different and there is no right or wrong.

Anyway, here is a [hug] and here are some and . Good luck. .

lljkk · 26/08/2015 16:30

MN is full of worriers so you probably will get a lot of sympathy!!

Afraid I'm in the "Can't be bothered to worry about maybe stuff" too. But hope you find solace soon.

goddessofsmallthings · 26/08/2015 16:43

Melanomas are usually, but not always, malignant and if not diagnosed early are more likely to spread to other parts of the body than basal or squamous cell carcinomas. This is not to scare but to encourage people to check their bodies regularly for any sign of a mole changing or a freckle or some such growing when it shouldn't.

I had a basal cell carcinoma removed in a dermatology department which is close to one of my favourite curry houses and I intended to have a blow out by way of a treat after the op, but after almost an hour on a hard operating table under very bright lights with the aroma of my flesh being cauterised and the local anaesthetised sensation of umpteen layers being individually sutured (they have to go wider and deeper than the offending growth to remove the damn thing in its entirety) my longing for a delicious South Indian feast evaporated as all I wanted to do was get home and have a decent cuppa and a lie down on a soft surface.

You've been fortunate in your GP having made an immediate referral - mine tried to freeze my bcc off with liquid nitrogen on 2 occasions before I realised what it was and refused to let him have a 3rd attempt.

My cousin who lives in Oz gets checked annually and has had 4 or 5 bccs and melanomas removed so it didn't occur to me to make a 'thing' of mine. I kept the area dry for a week, the stitches duly dissolved, and the very thin scar has become virtually invisible without the aid of Bio oil, although that may have speeded the process if I'd thought to get some in.

Have some from me and don't let my account put you off - the only thing I felt was the first local going in and the guy who removed my bcc was delectable well worth a little pain and gave me his email addy in case I needed any after care advice, which I didn't but did iyswim.

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 26/08/2015 16:49

Oh that's a horrible feeling... You can't help but think the worst. I've had a smear come back as CIN 3 which was dreadful enough. You have my sympathy too

Arkengarthdale · 26/08/2015 16:51

oh shit babes, are you ok? is there anything I can do?

I think you're doing exactly the right thing and if it does turn out to be malignant or whatever, you'll be able to get it treated and sorted.

And it's ok to be scared!

Best wishes

lljkk · 26/08/2015 17:03

ps: there are different types of raggedy moles. I have ones that just need peeling off occasionally, they are completely benign. Hope your 2 weeks pass quickly.

Original poster

AerialGymnastics · 26/08/2015 17:48

Dm has the raggedy moles that need peeling... its her Bro that's just had a melanoma removed from his face.

I'm really not after "oh my god... The world is ENDING." I just want friends to do exactly what you're doing and give me some rational things that make me stop worrying... and offer hugs, tea, wine and lotsa lotsa cake. I think a better definition of what I want is not sympathy... but time and offers of attention.

OP posts:

Triliteral · 26/08/2015 20:48

Had my first melanoma removed 23 years ago, my second 21 years ago and my third 3 years ago. Even if it is a melanoma, it's not always a death sentence. Hang in there.

elliejjtiny · 26/08/2015 21:55

Sending you loads of sympathy. I understand how you must be feeling. My 2 year old has had 8 operations, some major and some minor, and I worry so much before each one I work myself up into a frenzy. The relief afterwards is amazing though, like walking away from the dentist knowing you won't have to go back for 6 months x 100 . I find distraction works best. Try to keep yourself busy between now and your appointment to make the time go faster.

redexpat · 26/08/2015 22:31

I once had a lump in my boob. I really tried not to worry about it - dont worru about what you cant control - being a personal motto of mine. It was all fine, but it is impossible to avoid -ve thoughts until i got the all clear. So lots of sympathy from me

GudrunBrangwen · 03/09/2015 19:24

Just a correction...melanoma is by definition a malignancy. You can't have a non malignant melanoma. You can have one that doesn't spread, or you can have one that does.

Or you can have a type of skin cancer that is not melanoma, and those are less likely to cause serious problems.

I hope your mole is OK, OP.

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