To ask for help re low self esteem

[Fandangola]

If you've experienced it, how did you get over it?

I am so down about myself whatever I do. On mat leave at the moment and permenantly exhausted, skint, bored frankly.
Finding it so hard to keep up with the healthy meals for both kids, baby having porridge for lunch and I feel ashamed of myself. We rent so feel constantly worries about the instability/ lack of financial assistance we will ever be able to give our kids.
I have a good professional job to go back to but I'm dreading it as I feel like such a fraud and someone will find me out.
Dh professes to love and want to be with me but in reality it's been a pretty cold, sexless marriage for a while.
I know these are all contextual factors but feel so ashamed of myself for not being a better mother/ partner in a relationship/ better with money.
Ds 7 has had a few playdates but a lot of the summer seems to have been spent with him either in front of the TV or managing some kind of difficult interaction with friends/ their parents/ us. Feel like such a crap mum.
I wake up anxious and tearful most days and then I just start criticizing myself.

Any advice on how I can turn this around?

Any one?!

Bueller...bueller....

Are you sure that its low self esteem not something medical or depression.

Your first step should be a chat with your GP, things like an underactive thyroid or anaemia can lead to low energy which makes everything harder. Waking up anxious and tearful could be a sign of depression and help is available for that so do book a GP's appointment.

Secondly, lower your standards. I suspect you have an absolutely unrealistic "perfect" image of what you should be in your mind. An image that all of us would fail to meet at least some of the time (in my case probably all the time). If your DC are happy and healthy you are probably doing ok.

Thirdly, how much time do you have for yourself? Do you ever get a break? Go out with friends? Everyone needs a bit of time to recharge their batteries. How short of sleep are you? That can really affect your moods.

Hiya! I could have written this at 4 or 5 months into maternity leave! (Except I've a lonely only ) Please get yourself checked for depression as you tick several of the boxes. you also might be happier going back sooner rather than later I'd you're getting bored at home.

Thanks both. I think I am depressed or maybe underlying health reason as chaz suggested.... Just down, listless, tearful. Blaming it all on myself. !
No time to myself at all and no holiday prob doesn't help.
Thought maybe mediation or positive thinking but can't find the will

Book an appointment with your GP or speak to your HV.

There are some mindfulness and relaxation apps that might provide a stopgap but I do think you should get yourself some help. You have enough on your plate already so don't try to fix this all by yourself when there is help out there for you.

Poor you! I have depression and you sound like I feel! Do please talk to your GP.

And be kind to yourself! I did CBT and part of it was treating myself nicely (bothering to put on make-up, earrings etc) and doing things I enjoy, even if just reading or phoning a friend. Not always easy with a small!

Enlist help from people who love you - DH, sibs, parents, friends - get them to remind you you're ace.

Good luck and best wishes