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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still use baby name?

19 replies

Noore · 26/08/2015 09:29

SIL is pregnant and is having a girl.

She told me her decided name (which is very unusual) yesterday.

The problem is that it is the name I've always had me heart set on for a girl. I had a MC early this year and we'd chosen that name, although not told anyone, the MC was before 3 months.

We had said when I conceive again we would use the name.

SIL says no problem, we can both use the name, I'm ok with that but feel as though I'd be being a bit UR, would I?

OP posts:

Hairballs · 26/08/2015 09:30

YANBU.

Use the name (after you have told us what it is )

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 26/08/2015 09:31

I think it would be a bit odd, sorry

Minisoksmakehardwork · 26/08/2015 09:32

If sil is ok with it, then you're overthinking.

Or (and I'm being gentle) do you not want sil to use the name as even though you would still use it yourself, you will always associate it with the baby you lost? It's kind of different using it yourself and knowing, but knowing another child especially in close family, with the same name is bound to cause a pang of sadness and grief.

Original poster

Noore · 26/08/2015 09:33

I'm pretty laid back about it tbh. Personally, I would take it as a massive compliment if someone used one of my children's names but after reading a few threads on here I get the sense lots of people would mind!

OP posts:

Bogburglar99 · 26/08/2015 09:39

How unusual is the name? (One in every class / one in every school/ one in every town/ never met another one?) And how often do you see your SIL?

If it's a 'one in every town' name and you and SIL live in the same town I imagine the girls would get known as 'cousins X and X' which might be quite cool or might not.

If it's less unusual than that and/or you only see SIL for family events and Christmas then I think it would just be a nice talking point in the family and since you've been nice enough to ask and SIL is clearly okay with it, I'd go for it.

Good luck

Bogburglar99 · 26/08/2015 09:43

I'm sorry, I misread the OP and thought you were already pregnant again after your miscarriage. So sorry.

I'm not surprised that SIL using the name feels a bit raw and odd altogether at the moment. I think I'd be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up about feeling odd/sad, and make a practical decision about how you feel about two cousins with the same name when your next baby arrives. Which I hope will be very soon.

Spartans · 26/08/2015 09:47

I wouldn't only because my mum did this. Called my dbro the same name as his cousin. As they also have the same last name. Did cause some problems especially when the cousin was involved in some trouble and the paper printed the name. Everyone assumed it was dbro that had been in trouble.

Like I said I wouldn't. Doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Secondtimeround75 · 26/08/2015 09:53

When your bundle comes you may not want to give her the name.

You might also have a home full of boys.

No need go decide now.

honeysucklejasmine · 26/08/2015 09:56

This happened to me too. It took me a while to get over it, but it honestly was a complete coincidence and not malicious in any way. It's nice that a baby with that name (same surname too) exists, bittersweet that it's not mine, but oh well. We chose a second name to use instead. In my head, the two names were siblings. Now, if baby is indeed the right gender to use it, they will be cousins instead.

It felt like a kick in the teeth at the time, but it's all worked out fine.

mummytime · 26/08/2015 10:01

I know someone whose SIL did that, they both had little girls and called them the same unusual name. Problem was they had the same surname, and sent their little girls to the same school. I first knew when sorting out Nativity play tickets, and spotted there seemed to be the same girl in both classes.

But if you don't live that close, I can't see a problem, especially if you have different surnames.

There is a nice bit in Laura Ingalls Wilder's "The House in the Big Woods" where Laura meets the other Laura Ingalls.

YeOldeTrout · 26/08/2015 10:08

SIL sounds cool & I hope you're TTC goes quickly. Fine to use the name, too.

Whoami24601 · 26/08/2015 10:14

I had the same name as my cousin, and we lived next door to each other. We're still known as 'big who' and 'little who' and I'm 30 next year It never bothered me at all, but there is a reasonable age gap (7 years) so no crossover in social circles etc. We also have different surnames. I say go for it if that's what you want!

lornathewizzard · 26/08/2015 10:15

I second what Second says, no need to overthink it now. You may find that you want to keep the name associated with your lost baby. You may find she doesn't suit it when she's born, or you may have loadsa boys! Deal with it at the time.

helenahandbag · 26/08/2015 10:15

I think it would be a bit weird. There's a whole world of names out there, why not just look around and find another that you love?

UrethraFranklin1 · 26/08/2015 10:33

When it comes to the crunch I'd be surprised if you actually named your first child the same unusual name as its first cousin. It's one of those things you might in theory but in practice, I highly doubt it. Once her child is actually here and using the name, the idea will pale.

Desertedislander · 26/08/2015 10:46

In your situation I would. If the circumstances were different I wouldn't purposely name my child after their cousin
for you, OP

nocabbageinmyeye · 26/08/2015 10:54

Of all the names in the world why would you do that to your dc? Like it's not a massive deal, but it's not your name, you are choosing a name YOU like for someone else when you know that that someone else could end up spending their life being referred to as "my x" or "sil's x" "which one" "big x small x", like just why bother? Just because you like a name you would do that to your child? Seems selfish to me but hey ho each to their own I guess. It's like people who go out of their way to find difference spellings for a normal name, what is wrong with people like that? Why let a child spend their life correcting people so you can be different? Similar situations I think, both are a bit selfish imo

ShadowLine · 26/08/2015 11:06

Depends how close you are to your SIL and if you have the same surname I think.

If you live near each other and see each other often, then I think it could get very confusing, especially if your DC will have the same surname, and if they turn out to be a similar age.

Thurlow · 26/08/2015 11:10

Practically, I think it would be a little bit odd for cousins to have the same name. Unless it has a few shortenings and the girls would be known by different names. Say they were both Elizabeth, but you had a Lizzie and a Beth.

But if they are both going to be Corinne, that would be a bit weird, and they'd spend their entire lives with the entire family saying "no, not big Corinne, little Corinne. Noore's Corinne." Especially if they are pretty much the same age.

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