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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to tell the truth about teddy? WWYD?

24 replies

Pseudo341 · 26/08/2015 08:46

DD is 5 and has slept with her teddy from newborn. Teddy has now gone on a solo adverture somewhere we might well not get him back, we're doing our best.

The thing is, like a lot of parents, once we were aware that teddy was THE toy, we rushed out and bought a spare one. The two teddies have been washed and rotated over the years so she can't tell the difference between them, it's only obvious if you put them next to each other.

At the moment as far as she's aware teddy is lost and we're trying to find him. We could bring out the spare and claim to have found him but I'm really not happy about lying to her like that. I know we've effectively been lying to her for years with the fact that there are two, but we haven't outright lied, we've just never mentioned it. I don't like the idea of such a blatant lie so I thought we might just sit her down and gently explain that there's always been two and then produce the other one.

Obviously we really can't afford to lose the second one as well so I thought it might actually be a good idea to emphasise the importance of being more careful in future, if she thinks teddy's come back so easily that won't happen. We're going rather frantic without teddy, WWYD?

OP posts:

LadyNym · 26/08/2015 08:49

I don't know. DS2 has a favourite toy, too, and - like you - when we realised how important he was we got another. One's slightly plumper than the other and has a darker nose but DS2 is only 17 months right now so doesn't notice. I'm really not sure whether I should tell him there are two when he's older or not.

Will be interested to read the replies!

quietasamouse · 26/08/2015 08:52

I would give her the spare. Isn't that what you got it for after all!?!

JeffsanArsehole · 26/08/2015 08:52

I wouldn't tell her, it's why you bought two.

I would wait a few days and produce teddy with a note saying 'don't lose me again, a huge snake nearly ate me! And I was scared all alone'

A snake because we don't have big snakes, you don't want to make her afraid of dogs

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 26/08/2015 08:57

Jeffs idea is the best one

(you've been lying about having 2 teddies, but dont want to lie to her about having 2 teddies? )

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 26/08/2015 09:02

you are seriously overthinking this. Just give the poor kid her damn teddy and leave it be

Yeesh

purplefizz26 · 26/08/2015 09:05

You're over thinking this. Is this not the purpose of having two? To have it there should one get lost?

Just give her the spare and don't mention anything about there being two

Pipbin · 26/08/2015 09:05

Do you tell her that Father Christmas brings her presents? Same thing really.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/08/2015 09:09

Put new ted under some things in the garden/car boot/junk on bedroom floor and then 'find' him together.

Assuming you have re-traced all your steps.

If doggy ever gets lost, we are screwed!
He is an old, retired jellycat. He was found in the 99p bin in oxfam. She never had a toy that went everywhere until she saw this dog. He is quite well behaved, he always guards my car when we go out!

2ndSopranosRule · 26/08/2015 09:11

Just bring out the spare.

Years ago we left dd1's absolute favourite baby dolly in Tenerife. I realised when we were checking in for our flight home. I phoned the hotel on our return and they had the doll but wanted €45 to send it back (for a special cuddly I'd have paid incidentally). Asda still sold the same doll at a fiver so dh bought a replacement. We told dd1 that Georgie had stayed on in Tenerife for a bit and the reason her cry now worked was that she visited the spa and had had a good rest. I'm sure on some level she knew that wasn't the case at all but she was happy enough.

BertrandRussell · 26/08/2015 09:12

Just give her the teddy, poor child.

My dd still doesn't realise that the monkey she took away to University wasn't her original monkey, returned by a kind London cabbie (who also gave her a bath and a brush so she looked all new again) after she wrote to the Taxi Office but a replacement, found after a frantic search of the Natural History Museum Shop by Dp and a helpful sales assistant with the aid of a photograph. And she's nearly 20!

Minisoksmakehardwork · 26/08/2015 09:12

You've lied so far. If it's unlikely dd will be aware if other bear comes back, produce said bear and all will be well. If other bear comes back, make dd aware that bear's sibling has come to visit after they enjoyed their visit earlier and leave both bears for dd to play with. You simply don't take both out when you go anywhere.

Dd has a favourite bear and my sister bought a spare. Unfortunately dd was older and it was less easy to pass off. So new bear became 'other bear' and dd is not allowed to take her beloved bear out unless she is going to sleep elsewhere/on holiday.

Ds never really attached to anything and with dts, they were bought identical but different coloured toys. One adopted the dog, the other the tiger. This worked really well as they know the difference between both as it's obvious. And are happy to sleep with either or both.

Original poster

Pseudo341 · 26/08/2015 09:12

You're right, I am overthinking this. This is indeed what we got the spare for. I like the idea about the note about the snake. Sometimes you just need a second opinion to help you see clearly, I've been far too stressed (lots of other problems going on at the moment). Thanks folks!

OP posts:

LaContessaDiPlump · 26/08/2015 09:13

Give her the spare. Don't tell her it's the spare. If you tell her that Santa exists or God IMO then this should cause no moral qualms.

Witchend · 26/08/2015 09:15

Give it her, but restrict teddy to home and special occasions (like going to hospital) only, and buy a new "going out" one.
Ds has his favourite and I haven't let it out since he was about 3yo but he has a newer cleaner version that comes when he needs it. He cries at the mere thought of losing it so he is happy with that.

Loki17 · 26/08/2015 09:19

Give her the spare. How clever of you to have rotated them already! By the time we tracked down a spare Monkey the two teddies bore no resemblance to each other. DD is 4, I'm wondering when she might branch out to other toys? Not looking forward to telling her Monkey can't go to school with her.

Collaborate · 26/08/2015 09:43

We did this with dd.

The only problem was that 2 months after ted1 was lost and replaced by ted2 she found ted1 in a bucket-type toy. She was delighted! There are TWO TEDS!" she exclaimed. She's still got them today, aged 11.

Replace it. It'll do no harm if you say nothing.

AlphabetStew · 27/08/2015 00:15

FFS our DD had a teddy that my DM gave her and for the last nearly a year the teddy's been stuck to her side. Until recently when, after a visit to DM we think we got off the train but Teddy stayed on.

I'd love to have a spare to whip out.

NickiFury · 27/08/2015 00:18

It's a friffing teddy!

Just give her the spare and think no more about it.

Fatmomma99 · 27/08/2015 00:23

Where do you think original teddy might be? If you think you'll find it after tidy-ing, then tidy. If it's gone, then replace it with the spare you had the foresight to buy.

Ham69 · 27/08/2015 00:40

Give her the spare! That's what it's for FFS! Why let her suffer unnecessarily?

boobubsmum · 27/08/2015 00:44

I cry every time my well meaning family buy DD another teddy, she already has 3 that she's obsessed with so we have 2 wooly spiders, 2 blue bunny's and 2 hungry caterpillars. It took me a bloody year to find a spare blue bunny and I was fleeced for it on eBay! If you've got the spare use it, you can get teddy tags so you can tag him and if he goes missing it's that little bit more likely he'll be found.

multivac · 27/08/2015 01:07

When was the last time she went to sleep with "spare" teddy?

SavoyCabbage · 27/08/2015 01:53

I would leave it lying around and if she says 'teddy is back' I would go with it and if she says 'this teddy looks like my teddy' I would spin a yarn.

My sister and I had loads of toys that liked identical to my parents and we could easily tell them apart. Like twins I suppose. And it's the same with my dc. I haven't a clue but they think I'm ridiculous not to know the difference!

Finola1step · 27/08/2015 02:05

We had a similar situation. Now Ted is never allowed out of the house because he got very lonely when he was lost. So Ted stays ay home when we go away to look after the house. A different bear is then allowed to leave the house to accompany us on holidays.

Ds is now 7 and sometimes behaves like a preteen. But not when he's cuddled up to one of his bears.

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