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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this divorce settlement might be overturned?

47 replies

Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:28

My friend went through a nasty divorce about ten years ago and was allowed to stay in the house with her two daughters. I am not sure of all the details but essentially when the split happened her husband stayed in the house and for that time he didn't pay the mortgage so she picked u the arrears when she moved back in. He didn't pay maintenance for the children (2 girls) for a long while but was eventually forced to by the courts.
As part of the settlement she was allowed to stay in the house but the agreement was that when the children had finished their education she would pay the husband a percentage of the equity from the house, at the value it is now, not the value it was then.
Not sure if this is relevant but the husband has had limited contact with their older daughter but none with the younger, since they split up. The child's choice and actually he hasn't had any contact with his older daughter for several months now.
Obviously, the price of the house has gone up considerably since then. She has had a small conservatory put in herself so this will make a difference as well. She has been paying the mortgage all this time, he didn't pay for his daughters for five years, until she took him to court to get the money,
She signed this agreement ten years ago and her ex husband now wants his money.
I am not a solicitor but it does seem to me that the initial agreement was flawed. She has been paying the mortgage, has improved the house, has kept the roof over her daughters' heads for all this time and now he has been round and said he wants his share of the equity. The younger daughter is still in sixth form. This agreement was definitely ratified by the courts.
AIBU to think that the agreement was unfair and that she might be in with a chance of overturning it?
both the children still live with her and if she has to give him the money I think she will have to sell the house and move into a small flat or something and the kids will have to fend for themselves. She does work full time but doesn't earn a great deal so I think she will struggle to raise the money she needs mortgage wise.
I have told her that this original agreement seems wrong to me but I don't want to give her false hope of overturning it and she can't afford to go to a solicitor to represent her.
I also wonder, if the worst comes to the worst and she has to repay the money, if she could give him a small lump sum - I think she could scrape together about £4,000 and pay him, say £100 a month thereafter.
Any suggestions/advice very welcome, thanks!

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 08:36

First bit of advice is say nothing. It's hard enough to deal with that type of thing without others making you feel worse.

Second bit of advice is she may just want an easy life and have let the unfairness go.

Penfold007 · 26/08/2015 08:40

Your friend needs legal advice from someone who has access to the original court order. The house would need to be valued and allowances made for repairs, improvements, mortgage payments and so on. As at least one child is still in education that also needs to be considered. Ultimately though once both children are adults their housing needs are their responsibility and the court order has to be honoured.

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 08:42

to be honest, it sounds fairly standard to me. I don't think you should say anything at all to her

Original poster
Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:43

Thanks she has asked my advice and asked me to post in here, sorry I should have made that clear. She has to find her way through this and I am trying to help with that, I am not sure why I can be making her feel worse?

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 08:46

Why doesn't she sign up and post herself?

Osolea · 26/08/2015 08:48

Tbh, I don't see what's so unfair, because you say you don't know the details so don't know what percentage of the equity she has to pay. We don't know how much each of them put into the deposit to get the house, we don't know how many years before the split the ex was paying the mortgage.

The ex husband sounds like an arse for not paying for his dc when he should have done, but that's not a valid reason as to why he shouldn't get a fair share of what is legally his. Your friend may have been paying the mortgage alone for the last ten years, but then she has always had a responsibility to pay for somewhere herself to live and as a parent it was her responsibility to pay towards her children having somewhere to live.

Original poster
Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:49

She has been staying with me for a week and she has just set off for her home. I said I would put something on here to see what the consensus was so that she can read it when she gets back in about 4 hours.
It really isn't a matter of me interfering she is on her own, apart from the children and doesn't have any family she can discuss this with.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 26/08/2015 08:50

It really depends on the terms of the court order and it is really pointless asking for advice unless you have full details.

Original poster
Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:52

Thanks Osolea, yes of course she would have to be living somewhere. You are right, her husband has been pretty awful but that doesn't have any bearing on matters in the eyes of the law, does it?

OP posts:
wtfisgoingonhere · 26/08/2015 08:53

"As part of the settlement she was allowed to stay in the house but the agreement was that when the children had finished their education she would pay the husband a percentage of the equity from the house, at the value it is now, not the value it was then."

If this was part of the original agreement then the only issue I cam envisage is that she may be able to get the amount adjusted for the mortgage payments he missed/improvements made, but tbf if that's what she signed I don't see the problem.

If it was agreed to be paid when children finish education then surely it's tough if ex wants money now

Shutthatdoor · 26/08/2015 08:54

Tbh, I don't see what's so unfair, because you say you don't know the details so don't know what percentage of the equity she has to pay.

^ this

Reubs15 · 26/08/2015 08:55

The courts might turn around and say she should have used the money for the conservatory to give him his share instead.
Yes him not paying for the children is wrong etc but it was still a court order. Getting it overturned will likely cost a fair bit. She may be able to come to an arrangement like you suggested with her husband privately though. That might be her best option

Original poster
Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:56

Yes it was definitely part of the agreement.
Ok, so if she is going to pay the money would it be reasonable do you think for her to pay a percentage of the sum she owes, say 10% and the rest as a monthly payment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossyfloof · 26/08/2015 08:58

I think the percentage is 40% of the current equity but she is not here so I can't check.

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 26/08/2015 08:58

This sounds like a Mesher type order which is fairly common tbh.

From what you have said I can't see any reason you'd get it overturned. Or even if it would be possible to try.

As you say you don't know all the facts. If it is a sealed court order then it will have been deemed as fair.

JeffsanArsehole · 26/08/2015 08:58

Has he been forced to pay all the arrears that he owed for child support? 5 years without paying would have put a strain on her paying the mortgage.

If she had to pay mortgage arrears that may be deducted.

How much has the house gone up by? And is the last child in sixth form? Ie. Still has a year to go? Coz if so I would do nothing til the children have actually finished education next year.

Is the first kid gone to uni and being supported by her father?

Shutthatdoor · 26/08/2015 09:00

Yes it was definitely part of the agreement. Ok, so if she is going to pay the money would it be reasonable do you think for her to pay a percentage of the sum she owes, say 10% and the rest as a monthly payment?

She can ask him, but he would be within his rights to decline and could potentially take her to court himself.

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/08/2015 09:00

Flossy she really needs legally advice usually financial consent orders lay out how and when money should be paid. This sounds like it maybe a Mescher order. Paying a couple of hundred now may save her thousands in the future.

Osolea · 26/08/2015 09:02

Whether it woudo be reasonable or not for her to pay what she owes in installments depends entirely on the ex husband and his circumstances. If he needs the money as a lump sum, then no it wouldn't be reasonable to automatically assume that he can do without it after he's been expecting it for the last ten years.

If his current position is secure and he doesn't need the money, then he might not mind being paid in installments. It's up to him really, but he's within his rights (both legally and morally) to expect the original agreement to be stuck to.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 26/08/2015 09:08

Well if the agreement was that she would have to give him his share when the last child completed their education then that time has not yet arrived. Could she use the remaining time to scrape together enough money to buy him out? Can she remortgage to give him his share?

Collaborate · 26/08/2015 09:17

Not a chance in hell of getting the order overturned. Don't build up her hopes.

If the conservatory cost £20k and it's increased the value of the house by say £10k she'd get back that £10k before the balance is split in accordance with the terms of the order. The order should have also made clear that she'd get back the capital she's paid off the mortgage between the date of the order and the eventual sale.

Dowser · 26/08/2015 09:22

I certainly wouldn't do anything until last child is of the age stated in the divorce settlement.

If he does take her to court then it's all going to come out about non payment of maintainance for children. That may go in her favour and reduce the amount she has to give him

She definitely needs to see a solicitor. She could see if she could get some free advice.

I've mentioned this before but it's worth seeing what pension rights she got. There's a company called divorceline and she should speak to Jeremy Wolfe . He will look into how the financial split occurred and will take up the case if he thinks the woman did not get a fair share of the pension rights.

He looked at my settlement as I got no pension but I did ok with other things. It's worth giving Jeremy a call.

mrspremise · 26/08/2015 16:15

"I'm not a solicitor..."

and that is who your friend needs to speak to. A solicitor.

JaceLancs · 26/08/2015 16:27

When EXH left me for another woman many years ago there was little equity in our home - but I could not get s mortgage in my own right due to low income even though I was able to make the payments with a struggle
He did not contribute to the mortgage or ongoing maintenance of property and paid the minimum he could in child maintenance
By the time I finally earned enough to get a mortgage the amount I needed to buy him out the equity was much larger
He ended up gaining £70,000 on the deal without any input and I'm still struggling to keep a roof over my head - which I'll be paying off until I retire

Fuckitfay · 26/08/2015 16:32

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