Stop getting your kids to ask me questions!

[Faye12345]

Hello! excuse the title and i may be wrong but want peoples views! I am married (recently) and have a 7 year old niece from my DH side. Her mum (i think) puts her up to asking me questions about if i want kids! I dont have much experience with kids so this may be normal but what do others think?
I was over there this weekend and the little girls asks me' do you want children?' i rebuffed her by saying ' we want dogs!' and then she proceeded to ask about 8 times if i wanted children. when this wasnt working she then started asking if i had children what would i call them. Despite me trying to steer this conversation another way about 20 time sshe continued to ask in full hearing view of her dad! Now is that normal for a7 year old? any 7 year old i know would have given up after the subject was changed many times. sorry but im not discussing my reproductive choices with a child!

I wouldn't let DS do this, and I certainly wouldn't put him up to it, but I've seen other people do it with their kids. I think it's rude and annoying.

Should have told her 'no, I don't want any in case they turn out like you!'

I think if you evade the answer so children will persist. I don't think this means they have been put up to being persistent to gain an answer.
I do think the parents should tell their child not to be so rude as to persist with the personal questions, I know I'd tell mine as it's common courtesy.

i think the Dad should have reminded her that this was a bit inappropriate but my DD who's 5 often asks people when they're going to have a baby - she's 5 and dressing up her 'babies', naming them, pretending to be a mummy and taking them out for walks and putting them to bed is what she loves to do. I'd be really surprised if her mum was putting her up to it & think you should relax a bit, she's 7.

lol thanks but you dont know the mother!

'I don't know' is the answer to all of her questions.
Simple.
She'll stop if you just keep repeating that.
And if you want to really throw her it's 'Dunno' in stroppy teenage voice.
Done!

"No. I despise all children." is your best answer.

I agree with the evading just confuses the children. Answer it along the lines of "not at the moment" or "haven't decided yet" and she'll probably be fine.

Mine have come out with that sort of question and I've shrivelled with embarrassment. I would stop them asking again though. But it has been completely their idea, so you can't think it's necessarily from anyone else.
In fact I think it was the second thng dd2 said when we got the news that db was getting married. 1. Can I be bridesmaid? 2. Oh good when will we have more cousins?
Thankfully I got the news by text so they didn't hear them, both of the questions got "I don't know and you're not to ask them" answers from me.
She has also speculated on names/how many/whether the first might be a boy or girl and whether she can baby sit.
So I think those questions are perfectly normal.

Or you could of course just answer it with a question.
Do you want kids?
WHY?
I'm just asking
WHY?
Because I want to know
WHY?
Well will you be having kids
But WHY?
Etc.......
Mega infuriating and she will desist!

I'd laugh, followed by 'noooooo!!!'.

Seriously though, kids ask questions, however there's a line between being inquisitive and being obnoxious. If the kid was near her parents, they should have told her to drop it, otherwise you'd be quite in your right to say 'enough now, asking me a million times isn't OK, let's move on'. I know kids want to know things, but asking the same thing over and over is rude. You wouldn't accept it from an adult, it doesn't mean it's OK for a child to do so. You don't 'owe' anyone an answer on quite frankly, a very personal question.

well have a word with the mum in question then about how it's inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable - not the 7 year old's fault, especially if they haven't been told it isn't nice or they've been encouraged. Wouldn't be cross with the child.

I agree - whether the mum has put her up to it or just that neither parent has told her that it's rude to interrogate people, it's the parents' fault, so try not to blame the child too much. I would simply tell her that questions like that are ruse and sometimes things are none of anyone else's business and leave it at that.

Always rebuff a question that you don't want to answer with another question.

Q
'Why do you ask?'
'What made you ask that?'
'Why who wants to know?'
'In what context?'

Or be totally abstract
'No, I'm not a goat!'
'Yes on toast - come here and pass me the ketchup'