To be irritated that Dp and I are the only ones who drive?

[Onedirectionarestillloved]

I am a regular but have name changed. At the weekend a relative of Dp gad a birthday party for their child, both Dp and I were invited.
The mother of the child I will call A she doesn't drive.
The father of the child doesn't drive either.
A's mother can drive but doesn't like to.
A asked my Dp if he would take her to her mil to collect the food and then take the food along to the venue. He agreed, meanwhile relative B asked us for a lift to the venue plus her new partner whom neither of us had met.

We collected B and her partner then Dp dropped us at home whilst he went to collect A and take the food to the venue.

When he got their at the agreed time the food was not ready and there was a bouncy castle which also needed transporting!

Now because nothing was ready Dp did not have to time to drive all the way home and collect me, B and her partner so I had to drive there in my car. Now my car is very old and I aviod driving it were I can. I would love a newer car but cannot afford one at the moment.

Dp ended up taking A ,her child, A's mother ,sil's dd and the food.

He told A that he was not ramming a bouncy castle into his car and making 2 seperationrather journeys.

We got there and Dp and I bought a drink.

Everyone else was drinking pint after pint except for the grandad who was the only other family member driving.

The sil's partner does not drive neither does his family.
A had the nerve to ask if Dp would buy her a drink to which he said no.

B then proceeded to bemoan the fact that she has no money whilst drinking pints and smoking. She asked if Dp could buy her some medicine Dp said no as he wouldn't know what to buy her( she was coughing) he then suggested she give up smoking if she wanted to stop coughing.

Anyway Dp asked A what was happening at the end ie who needed a lift .

A then enquires as to weather I have room in my tiny car to take cartloads of stuff back for her. I didn't my car is not empty and the boot is full basically I was pissed off as if it weren't for her I wouldn't have been driving anyway.

To top it all Dp then tells B we were ready to leave and he would drop fed and her partner back at the station which is where we collected them from.
She then says oh no we need dropping back off at home as the bus service is limited today.

This is an extra 40 minute round trip drive away.

Nobody offered petrol money or bought either one of us a drink.
I would not have accepted it but I was brought up to always offer.

There is another family event approaching and quite frankly I'm dreading it as I don't want Dp and I to be used again like unpaid taxis.

Seems mean to say no you can't have a lift but really I find their behaviour very rude.

Would we be ok to say we will see you at x and if they ask for lifts make up an excuse as to not take them.

None of them live nearby so it is inconvenient and quite frankly, I want to travel with my Dp.

OP think of it this way: you are not a taxi, you are a bus. You leave at a specific time and you follow a specific route (your house to venue and back). If anyone lives on that route, and you have seats available, then you might offer a lift. If not then tough.
I came to this conclusion 20 years ago. Once I got my licence I used to drive into the nearest large town to go out with friends who lived there. I very quickly became their taxi home, and would spend up to an hour dropping them all off at their doors (after waiting, in sobriety, for them to stop talking shite and exit the pub) and then driving off into the wilds by myself. After a few years of this a couple of them passed their tests/ got access to a car and I suggested that one night one of them could drive (not to get me, I would arrange a lift from my dad). They were horrified at the thought, actually outraged.

That's when I became a bus.

OP!My sympathies - i do agree with others up thread.. You do need to be more assertive...work out what you're willing to do and no more...

This used to continually happen to me-i would often be the only driver/only one with a car, and be asked to take grossly out of my way journeys home - to 'just drop X off'... Often someone i barely knew and who wouldn't think to offer fuel money.... They just got a free taxi ride at my expense both time and money.

I think you're right - people who don't drive often don't appreciate how bloody annoying it is to be continually asked for lifts... They are never the one inconvenienced. I remember a friend of a friend invited hereslf to a Sunday lunchtime meet up... mutual friend had just 'assumed' I was ok with giving her a lift home... The pub we met at was 200 m from mine.... This was an 80 miles 2 hour round trip... She then sulked when i said i couldn't possibly... Indicating the empty glasses in front of me.. Bloody cheek!!

YANBU.

I do drive but don't have a car. I never ask people for lifts ever, as it's not their fault I don't have one! I make my own way to places on foot, bike or public transport. If it's too tricky, I will splash out on a taxi.

I don't think people mind giving the occasional lift, chrome it's the pisstaking they don't like. I try to stick to a general rule of: don't ask if there's a viable alternative, don't ask someone to make a special trip, and offer something in return.

So no, I would never dream of asking someone to make an 80 mile round trip for me. But I might say "since you're going this way, if I get to this point by this time would you mind picking me up on your way through?" And then remember that I owe them a favour.

This used to irritate me no end. It wasn't the giving of lifts, I would happily offer lifts regularly, it was the assumption they would be given.
We would be out in a group of friends at a mates house, young girls would sit happily chatting until it was far too late for the last bus/tube, and then when DH and I got up to leave, they'd awkwardly make a move at the same time, saying "oh no, we've missed public transport now…" and just standing by the door as we leave.
Of course there was no way we were going to abandon them, so we'd take them all, dropping them off in different London boroughs on a convoluted route back to ours, knowing they were in their PJs and in bed whilst we were still stuck in traffic trying to get home.
Made my blood boil! The one time we took a cab to make a point we were treated as if we'd been sooo unreasonable not to make that known beforehand.

Hi all.

I'm already dreading the next 'do'.

I've been out with my kids today and taken 2 of their friends with us and had no problem with this, it was my suggestion that they ask a friend to come.

They all enjoyed it and both friends thanked me.

Thinking about it none of the relatives in my first post even said thank you.

Next time I think we will be coming from a different direction to the one where these relatives live and going elsewhere afterwards!

I hate to feel taken for granted.

Just say no.

I have a friend who doesn't drive and will often pick him up, and he tends to pick up the tab two out of three times we go out (it's pretty informal, a bit of 'my turn', 'no, my turn' each time lol). And then sometimes he will actually pay for me to have a taxi so I can have a few drinks when we go out. Even for my wedding I offered to get someone to give him a lift, and he refused and said he was getting a cab. I think someone who was going that way gave him a lift home, although he never asked. And because he is polite, considerate, never expects anything, and people often end up offering. That's how you behave when you don't have a licence. You don't assume that it is everyone else's job to ferry you around.