To be dreading DD's 1st birthday party?

[koalabearsears]

DD turns 1 next month and we're having a party for her, as well as taking her to the zoo on the actual day.

Her dad and I are separated and I don't have any family so the party is basically going to be his relatives and extended family, obviously including MIL who I can't stand for various reasons.

There will be 14 adults in total and probably 2 other children, if that.

I'm dreading a day that should be special.

What do I do?!

Agree with all the others - your ex can hold a party on his contact time if he wishes, at his mum's, at a venue... And you could maybe have a small party tea with your dad, and any friends of yours that want to come along. And if you are feeling particularly generous you could invite your ex to pop in for a few mins. Don't go to much fuss unless you want to - 1st birthdays are never remembered, but sometimes it's nice to have a little celebration and some pics!

As to you 'creating issues' for yourself? Did he always put you down to control you?

I think that birthday parties for one year olds are for the adults rather than the child. They probably don't get much out of it and they certainly won't remember it. If you won't enjoy the party, don't have one. If your ex wants to have a party he can organise it at his house.

I would not host it at your house. Obviously your ex is not in a position to hold it where he is staying but what about his mums? Otherwise I'd suggest he take dd to an indoor play centre with his family, and you take her to the zoo. She is 1 and wont have the faintest clue what is going on.

this hold it at his mums, as it is his party not yours or hers

Only just found this again after MN crashed the other day.

Thanks for all the advice.

It's tough because I really want to have a little party for her but NOT with so many people. Especially when most of the people are my ex's family - 1 brother and his gf who haven't even bothered to visit since DD was a week old, not to mention his mother who also didn't bother with DD until a month ago. It's so infuriating.

My dad has agreed to come at least.

Zebra I never realised it was him putting me down to control me but you're spot on. I'm too naive and blind to everything to do with him.

It's good your dad is coming. Can you get a friend to come to support you?

Yeah 2 of my friends are coming. This weekend I'm going to tell my ex that his extended family can come and see her but not at the party because there will just be too many people. We haven't seen them for months so it doesn't even make sense to invite them anyway.

It must be very hard: that they don't see or care about her at all, but then want the Kodak moment (presumably for Facebook so they can appear involved). It is your house, so you are well within your rights to set the rules.

Yeah it's tough because I don't want to cause a rift between me and my ex as it's his family/friends but the same would apply to my family too. My friends who are coming visit every other week and DD knows them, whereas one of my ex's brothers have only seen DD once when she was newborn, but he's adamant that we need to invite them.

If ex is reasonable it shouldn't cause a rift. When he has contact he can take dd to see who he likes. When an event is happening at your house it is your choice who is invited. Presumably you will also be catering too, it isn't fair of him to dictate the guest list.

He can be reasonable sometimes but he hasn't been so far with regards to this. He says I'm creating issues for myself by not wanting a house full, which makes me feel bad. I will be catering yeah so that's another reason I don't want too many people here - I can't afford it!

I would say `open house to his family then, say 11am til 12 no food! Then do a tea party at 4ish -6pm make it clear this is an alcohol free zone. With dad, friend and ex. Fits round her nap time. Also tell him next year his family can throw the party and invite who they like.

If you cannot get out of this, can you invite your friends over too for support?