WIBU - DB making no time for DF.

[LittleMissLady]

DF lives at minimum 1.5 hours from DB (only 1 hour from me). DB has 2 preschool kids and both he and SIL work full time.
They do have a set schedule for the week where the DC have some days with grandma, some nursery days, mummy day, daddy day and one family day.
They are incredibly protective of their family time. Nothing and nobody is allowed to intrude into this time.

I also have 2 preschool DC. In fact I have one preschool and 1 baby. I don't work, but DP does, 6 days a week so we also only get 1 family day.

DF had a stroke a few years back that has left him with several side effects, one being that he has started falling over a lot. Few weeks ago he fell during the night and was stuck on the floor for over an hour until he managed to wake his partner by yelling who called the paramedics who helped him up when they got there. His partner could not help him up as simply not strong enough (both into their 60's).

To my point: I have constant email contact with DF and go to see him as much as I can.
I have copied DB into the emails about his fall and paramedic incident.
DB has not contacted him, by phone, text or email once. Claims he does not have the time. Says they can't go and visit to see if DF is ok or just to visit as its too far and they don't have the time.

AIBU to be severely pissed off at him for this? WIBU to say something to DB?
He found the time to contact him several months ago when he needed to borrow money but now can't find the time to even email him to say he has heard about his falls and is he ok.

Should I mind my own business?

Some people just focus on their immediate situations, with him it's young family and his work - that's his perogative, leave him to it and certainly mind your own business

It may be his prerogative but it's still bloody selfish.

So as the OP's father gets older, and decisions may need to be made/options considered, I bet the brother will put his two penn'orth in then...

No, it's not selfish in my opinion. It's a choice. When one of my parents became very ill, one of my siblings didn't do much at all, and I never thought badly of them. They had their own things going on, and just because you're related, doesn't mean you have to drop your whole life to come look after a sick parent. To be honest, I wish I never had, myself. Maybe the brother isn't close to his dad, maybe he's worried about exactly how much is 'expected' of him - that he literally cannot just drop everything if his dad has an accident in the night.

To be honest, the trouble comes with expectations of a person's child as both they and the parents get older. I personally have said straight, there is no way on good lords earth I'm allowing my kids to run around for me when I cannot do it myself. I do not want children just so I have someone to look after me when I cannot do it myself. It's a horrible situation to be in, and you always have at least one arse who thinks you're not doing 'enough' or doing it 'right'. I honestly don't see blame in the brother for concentrating on his own family. Of course, if the op wants to feel he's 'selfish', that's her right to do so, but she has no right to make brother feel guilty about his choices. No one should.

I really don't see why it isn't OP's business. It's her brother and their father. If I saw my parents being hurt unnecessarily by my brother's behaviour I would take the view that it is my business above anyone else's. I know exactly how hard it is working full time and having young children, but that is no excuse not to take the kids round to see their grandfather occasionally, especially when he's getting increasingly infirm. And it is absolutely no excuse not to pick up the phone to him. The brother obviously cared about his father before he had children, so this doesn't seem to be a situation where there might be motivation buried in his childhood.

OP, is it worth trying to phone your brother at work? Sometimes that can work better than phoning him when he's distracted by the children.