To have 4 children

[theWomenInTheWoods]

I'm 36 and have 2 DCs

I really want another DC am trying to conceive. Just got my period today unfortunately.

I'm getting a bit concerned as I was hoping to have my DCs close in age but now because of several miscarriages there will be at least 4 and a half years between my youngest and the baby (if I ever have one)

My older DCs are close in age and I feel the new baby will be left out. They have grown up together and go places together and love the same things.

I was thinking today that if i do get pregnant again and actually have a baby then I should straight away try for a final fourth one - as it would be nice to raise two close in age

I think I'm getting a bit panicked about time passing as I never intended to leave a big gap and I was hoping to have all the DCs when I was a bit younger.

If I had 4 DCs we would have to cut what we are spending. We have cut back hugely since having DCs but might have to sacrifice holidays and just stay with relations etc - it might be worth it?

I am 37 and have 3 dc, ages 11, 7 and 3. I want a fourth too.

We have a large house and 7 seater car and have a fairly good income. I'm hoping that once dc3 and 4 become teenagers, dc1 and 2 will be in their 20's. Big age gaps work sometimes.

Having 4 children is not unreasonable. I do think having four just because you think children close in age are closer.

I have 7 years between my two and they are incredibly close. There is 15 months between my nephews and they are not. Close in age doesn't always mean a good relationship.

How does your partner feel about having four?

I agree with hic as it happens, but -

I think any decision at all about increasing family size has to be based on what the parents want, not what the parents think might be nice for their existing children because they are not you and you can't know.

To put it another way you have a baby because you want a son or daughter not to give an existing child a brother or sister - does that make sense?

I have 4 children, and it was done in pairs. So dd19 ds17 ds13 dd11. There is 4 1/2 years between 2 and 3. They are both boys and even with the age group still played together. It is nice now that the two younger ones have each other and they are very close. I love having 4!

As number 3 of 4 (second youngest) I found that my older sister and brother bullied me and took things off me so my younger sister could have everything she wanted. There's 8 years between eldest and youngest and 3 years between me and my younger sister but I was always the one being pinched, pushed, my magazine got ripped, not being called to share a treat, my slice always fell on the floor etc... Whereas she sat on her chair like a fat Cat and was pampered and petted by my older siblings.
I am now nc with them all as their behaviour continued into adulthood and I got sick of it.

Do you really think your relations will want to have you plus four DC to stay instead of you going on holiday?

Personally, no I don't think YABU to have four, if you want four, can cope with four, afford four, and give four the love, attention, etc, that each DC needs. But to expect others to put you up because you can't afford to do anything better - that's a bit U.

I don't think YABU necessarily, but thought my experiences as one of four, including one SN, might be of interest.

We were potless growing up, my parents still are. I felt as a child I'd much rather have my siblings than more money, and I loved and still love the fact that the four of us are a unit. When everyone was at home, it was a party. And yes it probably does make things easier when there is a sibling with SN. I'm grateful that I won't be the only one needing to bear that particular burden, because much as I love my sibling that's exactly what it will be, once my parents are gone.

However, there were also significant downsides which I'd associate with having four on not much money rather than having four per se. There was never any privacy, something I found really tough as a teenager. And I now worry very much about my parents in retirement, and they are 20 years older than you so are at least of the generation where there should be something from the state in retirement. I don't resent them for having four, not at all, but I do think if you're going to have that many without being seriously well off, you have to combine it with a lot of financial savvy or you're just being irresponsible. They are boomers and as such had generational financial privilege that you don't. It sounds like you'd probably be better off than we were, so maybe this doesn't apply to you. But saying that, my parents could afford us all when we were conceived. We had need of the safety net later. I do not envy anyone with four children who'd be in need of it now, or after 2017 at least.

Currently pregnant with number 4. my dc's are 11, 6 and 3 so I can't comment on small age gaps. 5 year gap was wonderful but 3 years was hard! I've no idea how you cope with any less! They are get on great most the time though (occasionally bicker but meh that's siblings) but the love and adore each other. Having the largest age gaps also spreads the big costs. Our eldest is starting secondary school this year and the uniform cost is extortionate! Never mind the school trips that I've seen! Im grateful I will only have 2 at secondary at a time. And hopefully only be supporting one through uni at a time! Costs only increase with their age as I am discovering!
Go for 3&4 and be grateful of the gap :-)

Personally I'd love four children. I'm pregnant with 2nd and plan on having third as soon as breastfeeding allows. But practically we can't contemplate a fourth, it means getting a bigger car, a bigger house, etc. if you can afford it though and both of you are happy with it, of course it's not unreasonable!

YABVU. The planet is over populated. Please stop having children.....

What does your DH think about having 4 children?