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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do people not correctly answer texts??!!

24 replies

Colouringbooksarethebest · 22/08/2015 21:08

Maybe it's just me?

Every now and then I'll text SIL a generic 'how are you how are my dniece and dnephew' and she will go on about something totally random and ignore what I've asked. She does it all the time and it gets me soooo mad! I try and ignore it and I'll rarely msg back. Then I won't hear from her untill the next time I message! I try and keep these messages at a minimum to save my sanity, but I don't have a great relationship with DB so it's the only way I can keep some contact with my dniece and dnephew.

Dnephew recently had a birthday. Tried to call but couldn't get through so sent a message to say happy birthday hope you've got a nice day planned what are you doing etc. I got a pic of dnephew and a 'thanks for the message'

AIBU to feel super annoyed at this?

I'm tempted to text back 'just answer the fucking question!!' but that may be a bit rude.

OP posts:

QuiteLikely5 · 22/08/2015 21:12

If you want to know how they are how about you go and visit them?

Well that's what they are probably thinking.

Seems like there is a back story here so the question in your OP is void to me.

Charis1 · 22/08/2015 21:14

it is up to her what she texts to you. She is under no obligation to text the way you want her to. She is under no obligation to text at all.

I don't really get what your gripe is. Just a bland fine thank you to your bland question would be meaningless anyway.

texts can't really be the basis for a relationship, can they. They are generally a brief factual exchange of information, not pleasantries and small talk.

If you are trying to sustain a relationship entirely by text I WOULD suggest she does exactly what you say she is doing, tell you of some little detail of something - you are never going to get the whole picture of someones life by text, but maybe a tiny flavour, if you cut out all small talk.

I suggest you keep in touch in a different way if you are getting so irrationally wound up by her texting habits, which quite frankly are none of your business.

redskybynight · 22/08/2015 21:16

TBH your "generic" messages aren't real questions though are they? They are just making contact type messages. No one expects a real answer to "how are you" and I expect SIL had loads of birthday texts and didn't want to type out an essay to each when most likely people are only being polite anywaye. Agree with PP if you were really interested you would go and see them or at least actuallly ring them./

Bunnyjo · 22/08/2015 21:23

YABU!

3rdSymphony · 22/08/2015 21:27

What redsky said. Your texts sound like generic chitchat, rather than genuine questions. If you actually want specific information, phone her! If it even occurred to me that someone wanted specific answers to what looked like phatic questions, I would probably think it was a bit rich that they expected me to sit about typing about the details of my children's health or the minutiae of a birthday party.

Perhaps your SIL is like me, and regards text messages purely as ways to arrange a time to meet or talk when one or both people can't actually have a phone conversation...?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/08/2015 21:39

It's just you.
You said yourself, it's a genetic question so why expect a specific answer?
Wouldn't occur to me to get worked up by this.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/08/2015 21:41

*generic

DoJo · 22/08/2015 21:43

I don't have a great relationship with DB so it's the only way I can keep some contact with my dniece and dnephew.

Maybe she doesn't want to be caught in the middle and is keeping things bland and generic to avoid having a 'proper' conversation.

Original poster

Colouringbooksarethebest · 22/08/2015 21:47

Well I did say I tried to call but she was busy so no answer.

Actually I find texting/whatsapping is very normal in this day and age??i I regularly text/whatssap my friends and have conversations with them, As well as the the odd call every now and again.

I try to make plans on lots of occasions but she is often busy or I just won't get an answer.

OP posts:

Original poster

Colouringbooksarethebest · 22/08/2015 21:49

I thought other people are like this but its probs just her.

OP posts:

Mintyy · 22/08/2015 21:49

Send your niece and nephew a birthday card - it means a lot more than a text.

OddlyLogical · 22/08/2015 21:52

I get the impression that any reply from her would irritate you.

Fluffyears · 22/08/2015 22:00

My mum dies that but she's just sending chit chat. Last year is sent 'we booked our holiday, Majorca in June' and got back 'Vera came over after I met her in post office' had to laugh as it was so random.

UrethraFranklin1 · 22/08/2015 23:04

Its not her thats weird in this scenario

coolaschmoola · 22/08/2015 23:08

It sounds like she's TRYING to chat to you, but because she doesn't answer your generic, oft viewed as rhetorical, questions exactly as you want YOU don't reply to her!!

She's not the weird one here....

MidniteScribbler · 22/08/2015 23:13

I hate text messages. I can pick up the phone and have an actual conversation in far less time than it takes to type it out on the phone and deal with autocorrect. Outside of 'running late, be there in 5' type messages, I absolutely detest when people try and have a 'chat' via text messaging. I don't have the whatsapp app on my phone, and have no intention of downloading it. I can cope with facebook messaging, but will wait until I'm actually at my laptop before responding so I can type normally.

OP, if I were your SIL, I would think that by only ever texting me that you were trying to avoid having a real conversation and you were only doing it out of obligation.

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/08/2015 00:17

Are you not talking to your DB and are trying to get updates on your DNiece and DNephew via text? I do think that's putting SIL in a difficult position. Responding to a generic how are you with random chat is obviously normal, but if she is steadfastly ignoring questions about the kids it might be that she's not comfortable having the conversation, for whatever reason.

BackforGood · 23/08/2015 00:46

YABU

Your texts are hardly specific questions you need an accurate answer to - they are just a nudge to say "Hi", so she then tells you something about what they've been doing or - as you say - sends you a pic of dn on his birthday. Sounds like she's being nice to me... you ow, opening the "conversation" a bit, rather than giving a one word "answer" to a non-specific question.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 23/08/2015 08:27

I thought other people are like this but its probs just her

Like what? I still don't really understand what your problem is. You're annoyed because she doesn't answer your exact question (a generic how are you?)? Surely the answer to that would be something along the lines of 'fine thank you', hardly a conversation! Sounds like she's trying to keep you updated and make chit chat. What's the problem with that?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 23/08/2015 08:29

Do you like your SIL?

Spartans · 23/08/2015 09:27

I too do not see the problem.

You ask if she and the kids are ok and she replies giving some detail. Would you prefer 'yes we are fine' and that's it.

I think the fact that then you refuse to reply rather rude, tbh.

Also maybe she doesn't want to/have time to go into detail about what they are doing when you only text her then don't reply to what she says.

On my kids birthdays I wouldbe say writing out exactly what we have planned. I would thank you for the birthday message, but not write anythin lengthy.

I have a friend that I always call when he texts. Because his texts are quite confusing. Easier to speak to him. Why not try that?

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 23/08/2015 11:19

yabu.

You can ask a question, the recipient does have to answer it.

I think a picture of the birthday dc is lovely. Did you send a card?

redskybynight · 23/08/2015 11:56

If your tried to ring but couldn't get through this should have given you a hint that SIL was busy and unlikely to have time to write long text messages!! Did you ring back later/the next day?

NarcyCow · 23/08/2015 14:05

I suspect she's feeling awkward about being caught between you and your brother and would prefer to be left out of it.

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