AIBU or is everyone else?

[Floppityflop]

I always feel like I am being shouted at, either at home or at work. Okay, I am not perfect and am definitely no angel myself temper wise, but I feel under constant attack! I requalified about three years ago and moved about a year ago to a new workplace. There is a big gap of about 10 years' experience between me and the next most senior person. I sometimes feel too much is expected of someone of my experience and sometimes I get menial tasks when people junior to me don't, but that is okay. What is not okay is the shouting if I get something wrong or if I make a valid point that no one will listen to because I am junior in qualification terms. At home DH is always getting at me and playing the martyr. I am also a bit clumsy (like Paddington) and this is another source of tension at home. Also, our sex life is virtually non-existent since I had a miscarriage about 8 years ago, so have sort of given up hope of having children (I'm 37s and my cycle is now around 24 days - not good). To be honest, I don't feel like I am getting a lot out of life at the moment and would just like to drop out of the rat race, leave my husband, quit my job and bum around for a bit. I think I'd kind of feel I'd let a lot of people down and it would probably finish my parents off, but I feel like I've been on an exam-passing treadmill since I was 14 and it's only now I've realised I don't want to be someone else's wage slave. I fantasise about becoming a builder or horticulturalist and not sitting down all day being shouted at and feeling on edge. I am sure in reality these jobs are also stressful, but AIBU to want to do something different or maybe just drop out altogether and live off grid?! Or is everyone else BU?

Do it! Follow your dreams and leave those people who aren't good for you behind. Anyone who makes your life a misery should be dumped, in my opinion.

Let us help you plan it, too!

I wouldn't mind taking a three to six month time out to cycle a long distance and then start a college course like land / estate management or horticulture, then work in forestry management or conservation. But what kind of wreckage would I leave behind? Is it worth it?

What kind of wreckage are you talking about?

You could divorce your husband or even just have a separation - you don't have to kill him!

You can leave your job - people do it all the time.

Tell your parents you are having a mid-life crisis and ask them to pray for you - then get going. As long as you keep in touch, they will survive this.

I was also thinking more about where I would store my stuff... A storage company, I suppose...

You know what? Once you start to think about it, you realise that nothing is impossible.

So yes, look at storage solutions in your local area - cost it all out. It won't cost too much.

I wouldn't do it all at once...making a decision about relationship would probably take priority.

Definitely do it, stop being a wage slave! DH and I run our own business and it took a bit of trial and error but is going swimmingly. Re your hubby, I don't know enough about your relationship to really judge but I reckon if you are feeling this unhappy then there's got to be a reason and something has to change.

Uprooting yourself is actually not that scary or hard once you do it. You realise that the barriers were all in your mind all along, and never actually existed in reality.

You need a break from everything. Would you be brave enough to go on holiday by yourself? I think much clearer when I take time out from everybody.

Life is waaaay too short to feel trapped in.

Sorry for your mc

Can I ask what sort of job you do? I'm amazed that people can shout at you in your workplace!

What do they say?

My concern is that you say you've been on the exam treadmill so long, but are looking to solve that by studying for more exams. It sounds very much like a grass is greener situation.

I do think taking stock would be useful, consider what you do and don't like about your current job, it might be as simple as moving to a new company who doesn't tolerate bullying in the workplace.

Do the same for your relationship. You don't necessarily need to totally change everything for things to improve, although I like the idea of taking a month and just getting away.

Check out how many jobs are available in countryside management and how easy they are to get before heading down that route. Explore volunteer opportunities with your local nature trust to develop contacts and experience.

What about going on some sort of conservation holiday, or a residential dry stone wall building course as a taster of your new life?

Shouting is pretty normal in my profession. I find it odd as no one's life is usually at risk, just lots of money.

I agree with a pp, have a break and get right away from it all. It helps to see the situation more clearly if you can take a step away from it for a while.

Could you afford to give up your job or would it be possible to relocate? Find a different employer? Reduce your hours?

I am lucky that I could afford not to work for a few years and could live off savings. My lawyer tells me I'd also be entitled to half of my husband's pension which I found a bit surprising as we have no children and I also have a pension. I could find a different employer but I'm not that great at my job so I'm not bothered about doing that. Reducing hours is not an option. It's not the sort of job you can do part time.

I think they put the two pensions together and halve them. It does depend on how old you both are and how many years you've paid in and how long you've been together, I suppose.

It sounds as though you've got a lot of thinking to do about your future. Does your husband know you're unhappy with things at the moment?