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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About feeling terrible ds aged 5 cant swim

45 replies

Fandangola · 22/08/2015 15:32

I am really beating myself up about this but ds can't swim- I've always worked full time and not found the time / energy to take him to more than a term of lessons, which he made clear he did not enjoy. Most of his classmates can swim and I feel terrible- have I been a horrible lazy mum?

OP posts:

RachelZoe · 22/08/2015 15:53

Don't feel bad about this, it really is a faff. DS1 couldn't swim until he was 7/8 or so, the others learnt earlier as we had more money and a nanny by then.

As long as he learns at some point, also he doesn't have to be some swimming extraordinaire, as long as he can stay alive/be confident in the water and swim with clothes on, that's the important thing. DS's "girlfriend" (13) is only learning now.

Goshthatsspicy · 22/08/2015 15:54

Do you live in quite a well off area op? we do. This has resulted in most of the children having lessons, regularly on top of the school summer lessons.
I know when we lived in a more regular area (one that was more in line with our financial situation) a lot less children could swim /take lessons.
I think that is more realistic.

pigsDOfly · 22/08/2015 15:56

Good heavens, I wouldn't worry about him not being able to swim at 5 yo, surely most 5 yos can't swim properly.

Agree if you take him yourself he might begin to enjoy being in the water and just having fun before it has to become serious stuff.

My younger DD hated swimming lessons but I kept her going because I couldn't/still can't swim and it was horrible when all my friends could swim and I couldn't; I didn't want her to be in that position. DD now loves swimming - was swimming a week before her own DD was born - and now takes her own baby to the swimming pool.

As long as he learns eventually and doesn't end up like me, with a fear of water, I wouldn't worry just yet, you've still got plenty of time.

gastropod · 22/08/2015 15:56

Agree it's no big deal.

My DD is 7 and has just learned to swim recently. It is hard for me to get the kids to the local pool without a car so we hardly ever go. What worked for us was booking daily lessons during our summer holiday at a hotel with a pool (we actually picked the hotel as it offered swimming lessons for kids).

Just as important as learning to swim (IMO) is teaching kids to be aware and careful around water and to understand basic safety rules (don't run near water, don't lean over ponds, etc.).

Wilberforce2 · 22/08/2015 16:03

My ds is nearly 7 and has only just learnt to swim! Don't worry about it!

fabuLou · 22/08/2015 16:07

5 is young. Don't worry, just sign him up or take him yourself. I'm afraid its too bad if he doesn't like it and actually he'll thank you if you go on pool holidays.

cruikshank · 22/08/2015 16:07

As others have said, I really wouldn't worry about this, OP. My ds only started swimming lessons shortly after his 9th birthday and 18 months later he got his 1000 metre badge and also level 3 water skills. The other parents were at him whizzing through the classes after they'd been paying for years and seeing little progress but he wasn't exceptional - I've had chats with his swimming teachers about the best time for schools to utilise the (paltry) free lessons allowance that the LA gives us here, and they said that they reckoned around age 8/9 was the best time to start and they've seen kids his age progress in a similar fashion before because they are more co-ordinated and can follow instructions better than younger children. So by all means take him swimming and get him used to water and have fun and know how to be safe and if you can afford it he might enjoy lessons, but I'm just telling you this so that you know that professional swimming teachers that I am very happy with think that, with limited funds and time (which is what we had), waiting a couple of years will not only not do any harm but will enable you to see results quicker.

CrohnicallyAspie · 22/08/2015 17:09

Did the whole class actually go to the pool party? Just thinking that non-swimmers might be less likely to attend...

YeOldeTrout · 22/08/2015 17:36

I tried so hard with DD, swimming with us almost every week from 5 months. She still didn't get it until past 6yo. Don't think OP should feel guilty.

Deadsouls · 22/08/2015 17:43

No YANBU! my son refused point blank to have any swimming lessons and couldn't swim. He is 8, I really fretted about him not being able to swim. I also never got round to swimming lessons. Then all of a sudden, he just started swimming, like he was ready yand I didn't have to coerce him at all. He just lost his fear and it happened naturally. Same thing happened with riding a bike. Despite all my worrying my son did these things naturally when he was ready.

Gymbunny1204 · 22/08/2015 17:43

Two years of school lessons for DC from year one. Still couldn't swim. Three weeks of lessons with new school - swimming like a fish!

Mine were all eight/nine before they could swim, same age I learnt.

Mermaid36 · 22/08/2015 17:48

I could swim fairly independently from an early age, about 4, my mum says. However my DH was older, 8 or 9, we think (and possibly older).

We think my early swimming was to do with my dad, who took me and my sister to the pool every Sunday without fail. He was a very good swimmer who insisted that we be able to swim well. Plus, we had regular lessons at school (more than I think schools have now).
Whilst I was never in any swim teams etc when I was younger, at 35 (now) I'm a middle-distance open water swimmer having competed in several regional events.
We're TTC and I'm definitely wanting our future child to swim

Junosmum · 22/08/2015 17:59

My little niece is 5 and just got her 20m badge. My sister is a single working mum on min wage and still managed to take her so although I don't think it U I do think you are making excuses.

ChinchillaFur · 22/08/2015 18:01

My 6 year old dd has always refused to go to the swimming lessons that most of her classmates have been doing for 2 years or so. She was scared of the pool, noise, splashing - you name it!

I left it, and have taken her once a week this summer holidays by myself to a session I knew would be quiet and lo and behold she can now swim!

Week 1 she did half a width of small pool
Week 2 a full width of small pool
Week 3 a full width of the big pool
Week 4 ... you get the idea!

Saved me a fortune in lessons

I really really wouldn't worry at all. Most of the ones who can't swim probably wouldn't to a pool party so your data is skewed!

2ndSopranosRule · 22/08/2015 18:18

He's still very young so I wouldn't worry, but if you do feel bad that he can't swim, you'll have to take him. Lessons are particularly helpful for your sort of situation tbh: you'll get swimming 'in the diary' as it were. And take him for fun, and only for fun, too.

I've been on the swimming lesson circuit for what feels like forever and while I'm sure some parents do a good job, a good swimming teacher really is better than an earnest parent. I saw a girl of around six pootling up and down with a really inefficient breaststroke her dad was teaching her.

DD2 started with a new teacher today and I was impressed that she was telling a group of 4-6 yos why they needed to be treading water.

ilovesprouts · 22/08/2015 18:21

my son hes 8 he can not swim but he goes in the school pool but he does have sn.

IHavemyownLighthouseyouknow · 22/08/2015 18:22

I really wouldn't worry OP, 5 is young, it's usually 6-7 when most kids get it (unless lucky enough to have very regular lessons and/or access to a pool!). Mine never will I fear, they just can't float despite lessons so swimming is more of a chore than a pleasure.

trixymalixy · 22/08/2015 18:26

5 is really young to be able to swim!

Best thing you can do is go somewhere on holiday for 2 weeks that has a swimming pool, preferably one where they can't touch the bottom and have to swim. My two DC and my nephew came on in leaps and bounds when swimming every day.

Fairygodfucker · 22/08/2015 18:32

My boys only learnt to swim a few months ago. They are 11 & 9. They went from complete beginners, nervous in water to confident swimmers (just front crawl and back stroke) in about 4 months but they were having 3-4 lessons per week and I was taking them to practice 1-2 times a week. We had one of those pop up pools set up near to where we lived which gave small group lessons for a couple of pounds each session. I doubt if we hadn't had that opportunity then they probably would never had learnt as the school lessons are woefully insufficient and the swim school prices are extortionate around here and usually fully booked. I did feel terrible at first as they were far older then the other kids in the classes.

3rdSymphony · 22/08/2015 18:33

I wouldn't worry, OP. He's tiny. Neither DH nor I can swim, coming from impoverished backgrounds in a country where swimming was not on the school curriculum and hence was a middle-class frill like piano lessons, rather than the activity crucial to bodily and social survival it's deemed on Mn.

We've both survived (socially and bodily) till our 40s. Our three year old will learn, but hasn't yet.

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