Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about visiting the ils today?

13 replies

backtowork2015 · 22/08/2015 08:24

we don't see fil and his wife much although they don't live far away, but he called last weekend to invite us over as there was a village fair where he lives. so we call yesterday to firm up arrangements and suggest calling in somewhere for a drink locally and enquire if there is somewhere good for the dc with a nice garden etc. fil seems surprised, he thought we'd go to fair ourselves and simply stop by for a quick cuppa whilst passing. aibu in thinking we are now arranging our day round some naff fair we wouldn't have gone to under these circumstances? they don't see the dc much and I sometimes feel they just need to tick off having seen us Sad

OP posts:
GloGirl · 22/08/2015 08:29

How far away do they lice?

StonedGalah · 22/08/2015 08:32

Yanbu. Very strange!

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 22/08/2015 08:35

Yanbu, I wouldn't bother.

Debinaround · 22/08/2015 08:38

That's a bit strange. Why would they not want to go with you?Confused

Saying that I know what you mean about seeing the kids then ticking it off the "to do list". My family pull shit like this. Don't want to put themselves out but want lots of pictures to put on Facebook so all their friends think they are wonderful grandparents. AngrySad

They are the ones who miss out in the end though when the kids get older and don't want anything to do with them.

pictish · 22/08/2015 08:49

Yanbu at all. Tell them you're sorry but you misunderstood and wrongly assumed thought they were looking to spend some time with you AT his village fayre. With that not being the case you will not be attending and are puzzled as to why he thought you would want to.

Make it clear he has wasted your time and let you down. But politely.

pictish · 22/08/2015 08:57

It was as you say, so you could conveniently pop in for a cuppa and they could tick 'see the grandkids' off their to-do list.

That's fine - they can ask and you can say no.

Original poster
backtowork2015 · 22/08/2015 09:04

probably no more than 20miles, motorway too so takes bo time. but honestly you'd think they lived on the moon its such an effort! they're not even busy, hardly ever do anything it seems. I lost my dad before I had the dc and I know I put him on a pedestal but I really believe he'd have been such a lovely grandad and feel my dc have missed out. dh lost dm before dc too and feels the same. she would have been totally involved too. I'm lucky my dm is a full on devoted granny or they would have nothing Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
backtowork2015 · 22/08/2015 09:13

pictish, I'd like to do that but the fair has a character appearance that dd is excited to see and don't want to disappoint her.
maybe we should go to their fair and have so much fun we ran out of time to visit them Grin

OP posts:
pictish · 22/08/2015 09:52

OP I relate to you. I was chuckling at this and even read it out to dh because it's the sort of thing my fil would do. He and his wife apparently make lots of noise about having grandchildren, but they rarely bother to see our lot and make a big deal to us of how very busy they are all the time.
We also moved out of the city to a neighbouring town 10 miles from their place, so now we are 'out in the sticks' which means they haven't got time come 'all the way out there'. I have offered to take the kids to them, and while that has happened a handful of times, for the most part they are too busy and will get back to us regarding dates, then never do.

Mil is a really nice woman and lives close by, but while she'll gamely watch them for me if needed (rare), she never offers to spend time with them off her own back, just for the sake of it. She's not obliged to of course, but it would be nice if she wanted to. I know it's not my call to complain about, but there you have it.

My own mum died 10 years ago and never knew my younger two, which makes me really sad, as she was very much of the doting granny sort. My dad lives 400 miles away and has done since I was 9... he shows no interest in the kids at all.

So yes...I can completely relate to finding yourself in this situation. We are on my fil's to-do list as well. We'd not go to the fayre in this instance. Why would you?

pictish · 22/08/2015 09:55

Sorry x posted. Well if you think your dd would enjoy it then go for it - no point in not going to make a point - if it would suit you to attend then do, and drop in for a cuppa with fil too.

I'm just saying...I kwym.

ashtrayheart · 22/08/2015 10:07

I would go to the fair and if they want to see you they can meet you there!

SuburbanRhonda · 22/08/2015 10:15

I would go to the fair if your DD would really enjoy it.

But I believe they have refreshments at these events, so no need to pop in for a cuppa with the ILs Wink

Clutterbugsmum · 22/08/2015 10:27

I'd go for your DD sake, but I'd forget to go to them or contact them.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page