To think that it's cruel to just dump a friend without even an explanation?

[CathCurtains]

I am still upset about something that happened a couple of years ago.

I became good friends with another mum from my childrens' school. We were good friends for a couple of years and even went on holiday together with our husbands and children.

Without warning a couple of years ago she just stopped talking to me one day. She stopped replying to my texts, and if I saw her in person she would just scurry past and say Hi really coldly.

To my knowledge I never did anything wrong at all and was a good friend to her. It was a case of one day we were friends and the next day we were not. I asked her a couple of times if I had done anything to upset her and she just said that she was busy but no, everything was fine.

AIBU to think that her behaviour was/is cruel and that she could at least give an explanation? DH thinks I did nothing wrong but that she is probably jealous as she is very materialistic and her stopping talking with me co-incided with a couple of things in my life that she may have been jealous of.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

I had a friend, who i looked after her DD free during the hols, took her out etc, i also did some evenings short notice, I have 3 and asked her to baby sit a couple of hours while i attended am event, and she asked for payment ... id rather pay a teen!! Its those little thing that really annoy you. Girls are in the same high school class and dont mix any more ... their choice. Funny i didnt say anything, but started to be busy in the hols and she stopped ringing. Some friends just want what suits them.

[Gwenci]

I agree Silver, I don't necessarily think it's cowardly not to give someone a full explanation.

I'm in the process of cooling off a friendship (don't intend to kill it completely but definitely step back a little) but I have no intention of telling my poor friend that that's what I'm doing. She's a really lovely person, I've just come to realise we've got little in common bar our DC's being the same age. I'm quite a private person whereas she will dominate a conversation and have a good old whinge to anyone who'll listen.

She's not bad, or awful, or anything. She's just not someone I can spend loads of time with. But I'm not going to outright tell her that! It'll upset her so much if I sit her down to explain that her very personality is doing my head in! She doesn't deserve that. I'd rather just gradually cool it off.

Is that worse? Maybe it's different because I don't intend to cut her off completely, just not see her everyday like we have been doing!

[featherandblack]

It's a low thing to do.

It's awful to eventually work out what's going on and feel like a pathetic plonker for actually believing someone who said they were 'really busy'. People with healthy self-esteem shouldn't go around thinking 'I bet she's not really busy, I bet she doesn't want to be friends anymore,' - in fact such paranoid thinking is a feature of depression and low self-esteem. When the person being dropped realises the truth, there is no way they can avoid at least exploring such unhealthy thought patterns, e.g., 'She said it was life circumstances but really it was a rejection. So next time I must remember to consider that someone who is really busy might be avoiding me'. It can go on to affect future relationships that have nothing wrong with them at all.

Explaining the score is obviously also hurtful but does at least allow the droppee to make sense of it as an isolated incident and to understand it in the less hurtful manner in which the dropper is justifying it - 'we're just really different' etc.

[amarmai]

Agree work ' friendships' can be very different . Also true that life circumstances can put everything into a different perspective. Sometimes it really isn't about you. Better to move on and make new friends.

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

You have to let it go.
some people will never like you, no matter what you do.
find people who do like you. there will be loads.

[AyeAmarok]

I think it depends on the friendship and the person.

Some people who just love to be the centre of attention and love drama - there really is no point in getting into a discussion about it, lest you end up the subject of hundreds of passive aggressive FB status updates and them trying to involve all your other mutual friends and turn them against you.

[AyeAmarok]

For example, I had a friend who kept flirting with my boyfriends and exes and I'd watched her do it with all her other 'close friends' too, trying to shag exes even.

When I broached it with her she flat out denied it and tried to turn it round on me. So no point explaining to her, I just slowly cooled it.

[TiredButFineODFOJ]

I did the same thing as Silver and Quiet.
We were friends and we outgrew the friendship. She was batshit crazy increasingly attracting the police drama. I tried to talk to her about it but it just went over her head. I had to cool off to keep my own head whilst I went through real trauma.
I still feel guilty.