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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can't bollock your children for not tidying rooms when rest of house is a pig sty?

25 replies

PiperChapstick · 21/08/2015 15:04

DSis has put a picture up of her teenagers rooms on FB to "shame" them for not tidying them.

Thing is the rest of their house looks like something Kim and Aggie would visit - lots of crap piled up in every nook and cranny, clothes lying around, whenever we visit we have to move stuff to sit on the sofa etc. it's always been like this since they got their own house, before kids came along even. I feel sorry for my DNieces and DNephews as I feel if Dsis and DBIL want them to have tidy rooms she needs to lead by example and keep the rest of the house clean. Or should kids be tidying rooms regardless? Confused

OP posts:
VinylScratch · 21/08/2015 15:06

YANBU, the kids have obviously learned by example and the parents have a cheek expecting them to do what they can't be arsed to do.

SaucyJack · 21/08/2015 15:06

As a slob myself, who comes from a long line of slobs.... I can only agree with you.

schlong · 21/08/2015 15:09

YANBU!! This is a bug bear of mine with dp in that he moans at ds(5!) to keep his room tidy yet dp's den is routinely a tip. Severe case of do as I say not as I do which kids' radars pick up on straight away. Your poor dns should shame their parents on fb with pics of rest of the messy house.

Itllbefiiiiiiiiine · 21/08/2015 15:09

I've never understood 'DNieces and DNephews' wouldn't it be easier to say 'niece and nephew'?

YANBU though, I hate the whole "shaming" thing and would never post it on fb.

My eldest is only 8 but still ask his permission to post a photo of him on fb. He's getting older and more aware, he'll be on there in a few years and won't want dodgy photos of him up or statuses about how he's done something wrong.

DurhamDurham · 21/08/2015 15:10

I agree with you, my friend is always on at her children to tidy their rooms, they are 5 and 8....I don;t think they know how to tidy a room because the rest of the house is so untidy that they cannot follow by example.

I also can't understand why you would want to shame anyone, least of all your children, on FB.

BoboChic · 21/08/2015 15:11

DC cannot learn to create order if they are forced to live in permanent chaos.

DoJo · 21/08/2015 15:15

How are they supposed to know how to tidy if they have never seen it modelled? It's not an innate skill!

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 21/08/2015 15:15

I think that anyone who knows them will be thinking the same thought.

BeautifulBatman · 21/08/2015 15:18

Yanbu. My dsis was like that. Screaming at her kids to tidy up their rooms by the rest of her house was (and still is) an absolute shit hole.

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/08/2015 15:18

Oh yes, I'm our house was a tip growing up and I was never picked up on my room! I am hoping to instil some better life skills in my ds, but not via hypocrisy or public shaming!

fuzzpig · 21/08/2015 15:28

No YANBU and I feel REALLY strongly about this issue.

I grew up in a very messy, dirty house - the only reason it wasn't filled to the brim with clutter is that it was a very big house. But we had mice/weevils etc, it was horrible. The hypocrisy of my mum always shouting at me about my room really stung, much more than the actual telling off.

I still find it very hard to keep a house now and I think my mum finally understands why I never learned!

We are now trying really hard to organise our house, it doesn't come naturally at all, but I do not shout at my DCs when they are messy. It's not their fault that they haven't got a good role model! Instead we are approaching it as a team effort, something we are learning together. I've explained to them that some people find it more tricky, and it will take us a while to learn, but we will do it as a family.

happymummyone · 21/08/2015 15:31

YANBU. My nan was/is house proud so my mum is house proud, which I learned to be. and my DD is 5 and I've never had to nag her to clean her room, she's only ever known everything to have its place. You learn by example.

Disclaimer. This approach has not worked on my Dsis. She is most definitely not house proud. But she's the only one who isn't!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 21/08/2015 15:50

Well my husband comes from a family who are all very house proud and have very tidy houses.

My mum wasn't very tidy at all and my dad was a single dad at weekends and worked all week so his wasn't a tip bit a bit untidy with clean washing sitting on the table and paperwork round the living room.

My husbands much tidier than me. It just comes naturally to him because it's what he's been brought up with where as I have to work at it and make myself do stuff to keep it tidy rather than just having it come naturally iyswim.

That's pretty bad her putting it on Facebook. Very hypocritical.

hannibalismisunderstood · 21/08/2015 15:56

If i was the DC I would reply to their post with a photo of the rest of the house and a suitable comment......

RiverTam · 21/08/2015 15:59

So not only is she a hypocrite but she's teaching her SC all about FB shaming as well Shock. I'd be having a fucking word with her.

RiverTam · 21/08/2015 16:00

DC, not SC.

PoppyPopTart · 21/08/2015 16:00

I'm the slobbiest slob ever and I agree with you 100%

TheCatsMother99 · 21/08/2015 16:03

YANBU at all!! Pot calling the kettle black.

Postchildrenpregranny · 21/08/2015 16:09

Actually my mum was very untidy and I am very tidy(a reaction ,I think). My DDs are both very untidy (a reaction, I think ),though DD1 ,now 29, is getting better,and has reduced the number of her possesions . None of us was/is dirty though
And I don't agree that you necessarily need a good 'example' to be clean/tidy . It's not hard. The only thing I've ever pointed out to the Dds that it's (rather obviously) easier to clean if you have as little 'stuff' as possible and put things away first . And it's logical to do floors last

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2015 16:15

Yes but it's both of them that need to lead by example, not just the mum

Original poster
PiperChapstick · 21/08/2015 16:33

Stealth sorry should have put 'they' rather than 'she' of course, I promise I'm not stuck in 1950 Wink

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2015 16:43

:)

FuryFowler · 21/08/2015 16:50

Are your dns old enough to have facebook pages? I'd pm them and suggest they take a pic of the living room/kitchen to shame their parents.

poor parenting trying to shame them publicly!

FuryFowler · 21/08/2015 16:52

sorry, xpost with hannibal

CecilyP · 21/08/2015 16:57

Couldn't you put a comment like, 'looks pretty tidy compared to the rest of the house'?

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