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AIBU? think that this is not acceptable in relationships??

53 replies

patch123 · 21/08/2015 14:38

Aibu to think that texting members of the opposite sex whilst in a relationship is wrong?

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/08/2015 15:12

Well even in a loving relationship people still need friends.

And if one half of a couple is not "allowed" to interact with their friends, that's not a loving relationship

Lweji · 21/08/2015 15:12

Flirty messages are not just messages.
I suppose it depends how flirty, if to particular friends and the sender's personality.
But he/she should also respect their partner's feelings and tone down said flirting. Certainly not hide such texts.

In summary, it's hard to say one way or the other without more details.

MaidOfStars · 21/08/2015 15:13

I also don't understand if you are in a loving relationship why you would need any interaction with "friends" on a regular basis

I'm assuming that the use of quotation marks indicates that you don't mean pub friends, golf friends, etc?

Do you mean female friends and cosy chats?

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/08/2015 15:13

Ha at the x posts! I also x posted and am not condoning the scary sentiment that is being picked up on.

BolshierAyraStark · 21/08/2015 15:22

Does "friends" mean something different to friends? Hmm
You're coming across as a bit batshit tbh, perhaps you'd care to elaborate or do you actually think that socialising is not acceptable once you're in a relationship?

Lj8893 · 21/08/2015 15:22

I'm in a loving marriage. Part of the reason our marriage (and I'm sure most other married couples would agree) is successful is that we have interaction with our friends, both couple friends and individual friends of both sexes.

I agree about the flirty messages though, but it depends what you class as flirty.

SaucyJack · 21/08/2015 15:23

There are friends and there are "friends" tbf. How old are you both?

I think a lot of us who've been single for a significant part of our adult lives have probably got a few old flames and crushes knocking about somewhere. I would agree it's inappropriate to continue all the flirting and what-ifs once you settle down and commit to a new partner.

Is that what you mean?

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2015 15:26

Damn. I'm in a loving marriage and sent a message to a group of friends including men this morning.

I do agree that flirty messages might not be on, but really depends who they are. Of course interacting with friends is fine.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/08/2015 15:26

" I also don't understand if you are in a loving relationship why you would need any interaction with "friends" on a regular basis.."

Eek, where to start??

First up, YABU. Hugely unreasonable. Monumentally unreasonable.

Secondly, what's with the quotation marks around the word 'friends'? Do you believe they are not his friends? Do you believe he should not have friends?

Thirdly, interaction with friends is a social need for all humans, whether they are in a 'loving relationship' or not. No-one can meet all their social and emotional needs via just one person, nor should they try - it is unhealthy for the person, and ultimately for the relationship.

Fourthly, I'm not sure I would use the adjective 'loving' to describe a relationship where one partner jealously guards the other from interacting with others.

Thelushinthepub · 21/08/2015 15:28

I text a male friend almost constantly. He's gay, which makes romance somewhat unlikely

AlphabetStew · 21/08/2015 15:31

YABU about 'being in a relationship = shouldn't need to go around interacting with other folk'

Narp · 21/08/2015 15:33


You can't start a thread like that without explaining exactly what you mean.

Narp · 21/08/2015 15:35

Or maybe it's one of 'those' threads again

CatMilkMan · 21/08/2015 15:35

My best friend is female, I probably text her more than I text DP.

ALittleFaith · 21/08/2015 15:38

Reported, doubt this is genuine.

CrystalCove · 21/08/2015 15:39

My DH would have practically no friends if I didnt "allow" him to have female friends which of course I do because they are his friends. You have serious issues if you don't think people in relationships need friends.

UnsolvedMystery · 21/08/2015 15:46

I have male friends, DH has female friends. There is even the occasional flirty text that gets sent, but there is never any intent behind it.
We all need friends - however good our relationship is.

GamerCh1ck · 21/08/2015 15:56

Why wouldn't it be genuine? There are actually people out there who want to possess their dudes.

It takes me back to one conversation I had with someone years ago when she grilled me aggressively to why I let my bloke at the time out without me Hmm it was a scary conversation I hope never to repeat.

I'm hoping the OP just means female friends who flirt with him so doesn't see them as friends and possibly being more of a backstory.

TheCatsMother99 · 21/08/2015 16:08

Flirty messages to someone other than your partner are a no no.

Having (platonic) friends of the opposite sex is absolutely 100% ok. I like that one of my DH's best friends is a girl, she fights my corner and helps him see a female perspective on some things when he's being unreasonable for one!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2015 16:30

Why wouldn't it be genuine? Because the OP is posting very vague, very infrequent posts. Because it is about gender politics and control (which trolls LOVE to wind MN up with). Because the OP isn't coming back and explaining what is actually going on...

GamerCh1ck · 21/08/2015 16:35

True, point taken.

YUDOTHIS · 21/08/2015 18:19

Have my very first...

Icouldbesogoodforyou · 21/08/2015 20:00

I think you're right OP. I go a step further and insist my DP has no contact with a member of the opposite sex ever.

If I catch him even glancing at a female image in a newspaper or magazine I draw a Hitler moustache on it and fill in some of the teeth with biro. If there aren't any visible teeth I just draw a massive cock on their head.

That'll learn him.

EatShitDerek · 21/08/2015 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 21/08/2015 20:20

OP are you quite well?

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