We're currently TTC. DH's relationship with food worries me a bit, and my mother's and MIL's attitudes to food and body are bonkers. There is a family history of body issues and anorexia on both sides, and I'm not liking the way things are looking with our nieces (aged 7 & 1) and nephews (aged 3 & 6), regarding their attitudes to food. I worry about what influence our mothers, and DH's upbringing/current headspace, will have on any kids we have.
Our sisters (i.e. nephews' and nieces' mothers) are fairly standard products of a particular upbringing, seeing self-worth in self-denial and weight loss. My sister is clearly currently anorexic (and no-one in the family will admit it or talk about it other than to say I'm fat and jealous of my sister's physique) and is bringing up her daughter to talk about fat people being stupid and lazy. My niece has a completely warped boday image and is only 7. DH's sister was anorexic for most of her teens, and though she is in a better place mentally now, she still is bringing up her kids to talk about "deserving" normal dinner "because they've done enough exercise today"; and people who are beautiful are invariably extremely thin and athletic.
Both DM and DMIL think "fat" people are "stupid and lazy" and "lack self-control". Both of them define "fat" as something like a BMI of >18. Both of them have brought up their kids to see self-control, self-denial and good physique as important.
DH can see that all of the above is unhealthy, but he also talks about "deserving food because he's done enough exercise". In his case it's utterly ridiculous. He's 39, and his BMI is currently probably about 18. He runs mountain marathons at elite level. He doesn't eat that much (I try to sneak in extra calories wherever I can), works really hard and gets a buzz out of denying himself sleep and then (on about 4 hours' sleep) going and exercising really hard - a 30km run up and down a couple of 700m high mountains is a typical Sunday morning for him. He used to be an elite-level lightweight rower, i.e. he weighed less than 70kg while being 205cm tall and exercising hard, for most of his teens and early 20s. His parents thought rowing for his country was a great thing for his development. In some ways yes, but in many ways, no, it's extremely damaging physically and mentally.
In the middle of all this I sit here like some lardy* Cassandra, gloomily wondering how to limit access of grandmothers and aunts to any kids I have, until they're old enough to get self-worth from healthier things than excessive self-denial around food.
*In comparison to all of them. My BMI is a very healthy 22 and has been for decades. I like food.